Yesterday I cammed with a friend of mine in the USA, and he developed strong feelings for me, but I did not build as strong feelings, and he told me today that he loves me and asked me out and I told him I did not have as strong feelings as he did, and now he feels used (caming went both ways) and I feel like a twaty jerk. Any advice?
You didn't do anything wrong. It's a misunderstanding; if he can't deal with it, you might have to just cut him off.
Hi there! Maybe give him a few days to come around to the fact that you don't feel the same way about him as he does about you. Maybe in a few days send him a message and indicate to him that you would be willing (if that's the case) to be his friend and continue the friendship.
A lot depends on what was discussed and so forth leading up to and while you were camming. I don't think you have any obligation in any case, but if you're going to do that sort of thing with someone, it probably makes sense to ask them if they have any expectations and so forth... I can see how it could be something that carries no meaning for some people, and carries a lot of meaning for others. Also, I'll offer my unsolicited reminder about camming: Since it sounds pretty clear that you are describing explicit sexual camming... keep in mind that a lot of people keep videos of the camming they do with friends, and your private camming videos can end up on the 'net, or even on various paysites, without your knowledge or permission. I've known a bunch of people this has happened to, and it is nearly impossible to remove all copies of the videos once the cat is out of the bag. Frequently the videos get distributed by an angry ex, or a vindictive "friend"... so just because someone swears their love and allegiance to you this week doesn't mean they won't be distributing your cam video next week. So I suggest that, before deciding to cam with someone, no matter what the person says, assume that your cam video might end up publicly viewable on the web, and proceed accordingly. You might think it's sorta cool to have your dangly bits all over the net now, but you might not feel that way in 5 or 10 years
I would not to that as I have know him for along time and we were chatting casculty before hand and his mum would kill him if she found him out to be gay. Also he is complete useless using computers and was more worried about him getting caught(I had to tell him how to wipe the history).
>>>To late for that, I removed him from my life completely but he knows were to find me if he wants me. Given this, you SHOULD feel like a twat-y jerk. It's pretty easy to feel you're holding to the belief that "sex is just sex". That it'll be like any other activity - you can do it or not do it, and it won't change anything. And that can hold true for some people, but it's vital to remember that it won't hold true for everybody. No matter how much you might think you (or somebody else) can keep it as "just sex", there's simply no guarantee that that will be the case. So anytime sex enters the picture between two people, everything needs to be put on the table. Nobody should get to the other side "thinking it meant this, when it actually meant that". If you expect this to be "just sex", it's important for you to make that clear. If you expect this to be "something special" instead, again, it's best to make that clear, as well. And, as said above, things happen. You (or he) might have meant it to be "just sex", but feelings popped up when they weren't expected to. When that happens, again, full disclosure is best. "I'm afraid I've started getting feelings that probably aren't returned." "Yeah, they aren't. I'm sorry about that. Perhaps we should take a break from each other for awhile?" And stop the camming (obviously), even after he gets to the other side. Lex
You could have at least ask him not to rush it. Or pull the long distance relationships don't work crap. Much better than being so direct.
Doesn't matter if you did it once. You introduced sex into a relationship where it was previously absent, and that often changes the relationship in unforeseen ways. Even if you both agree "it'll be just like it was before", that doesn't mean it necessarily will be. Don't be so quick to shut him out just because he's feeling things for you now - that's a not-unexpected side effect of what you did. Just let him know that those feelings aren't returned (and won't be), and suggest you take a break from each other for awhile to help him get over it. Lex
I'm not sure what you mean by "removed him completely from my life," but that sounds pretty aggressive. It's not unnatural for him to develop feelings for you... just as any of us believe that it's not unnatural for us to be gay. It's not something you should hold against him. In a way you should be flattered because he felt that your relationship (as friends) was open enough that he felt comfortable to tell you how he felt.
