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And I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Notreallysure, Apr 6, 2011.

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  1. Notreallysure

    Notreallysure
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    I'm feeling blue tonight. Here are the reasons:

    1. I'm alone. I've met some cool and great guys online that I've connected with pretty well. Still, I can't get the nerve to meet them. After a while, they get frustrated (for good cause) and the friendships slowly trickle away to awkward random conversations. I've always been the type to kind of criticize relationships, but I've found myself longing for one lately. I want the companionship that is only found in a relationship.

    2. I'm bored. Life is moving at a snail's pace. For the past year I've been waiting. Waiting for one thing to end so another can begin then starting over. It's been a series of steps that finally is completed. Now I'm waiting the longest amount of time for grad school in the fall.

    3. I'm hiding. I still haven't come out. It's been over a year since I joined this site, and I can't get the nerve to go through with it. For every step I have seemed to make forward, I've taken two back. It's getting old, and I'm sick of having to lie about myself. Things would be so much better even if I had one friend I could talk to about all this. One "pre-sexuality realization" friend that I knew would help me sincerely to the best of their ability.

    4. I'm old. I turned 23 this week. I know that doesn't seem old, but it's getting there. Trust me. All my friends are moving on with their lives after college, and like I said above, I'm waiting.... alone and living a lie. I've never been one for change, so life after college alone would have been difficult. Add in the all the waiting and other emotions I've been feeling, and it is almost unbearable.

    Sorry to gripe. Just been one of those nights.
     
    #1 Notreallysure, Apr 6, 2011
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Let's tackle these one by one, shall we?

    1. Sounds like you're on the diving board, but scared to make the jump. You've got guys lined up, but you won't make the move. What worries you? Is it the finality of it all? The "making it real"? Fear of rejection?

    2. If my father taught me nothing else (and he actually taught me a ton), he still would have bestowed upon me a wealth of knowledge condensed down into six words: "If you're bored, it's your fault." Because those six words have minimized my "bored" time to nearly zero over the past few decades. Because it really is true. The power to be "not bored" is completely within your power. Life isn't "what happens next" - it's what's happening now. Perhaps grad school will kick ass, and that's great for September, but you've got six months to kill first. And you don't need an unlimited expense account and a bustling metropolis to kill boredom. I managed to remain entertained in a town of 40,000 with no internet connection for eighteen months. You just have be willing to put in the effort. What do you like doing? What might you like to try? What can you go out and start doing immediately?

    3. If you really want to get started on this, it's actually pretty easy (in theory). You pick a person. It doesn't have to be your closest friend, or the one it might go best with. So long as you feel you can talk to them about stuff, you can talk to them about this. Then, once you pick them, you tell them. You can tell them in person, on the phone, via note, via FB message, via e-mail. (I suggest not texting, as it's hard to convey the true feelings in such a limited space.)

    4. If you're old at 23, I'm young at 41. Which means it's possible for you to reverse the "aging process". Stop letting life happen, and start living. You do have the power to make the change. Utilize it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Apr 6, 2011
  3. Toneth

    Toneth
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    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    what stops you from meeting them? try it, just because you meet, or go on a date, doesn't mean you have to have sex, or do anything else for that matter, just what you're comfortable with :slight_smile:

    I'm one of this kids that got a stamp on the bottom of my foot when i was born, I was supposed to die by the time i hit 8, but now I'm 22, almost 23, and the one big thing that it taught me is to live for today, but still plan for tmrw, and to be flexible with the plan. find a way to bring some joy into your life, be it a hobby or just chilling with friends, do something just for you, that makes you happy.

    joining up doesn't put you on any kind of time line, its still something you do at your own pace, and everyones pace is different, being here is about having the support of others who understand and care.

    we're the same age, I feel the same way, i think its just because guys don't call me a twink anymore, but really, who cares, I know 40 year old guys who are super hot, and super happy, but definitely not super old, i think old is signing up for an AARP card, we're definitely still young :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    and griping is ok, sometimes its nice to let off some pressure and talk about whats buggin ya.
     
    #3 Toneth, Apr 6, 2011
  4. Dykezz

    Dykezz
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    Hi Notreallysure,

    Its seems to me like you are a little scared and I think you might be putting to much pressure on meeting guys in real life. If you meet them don't have to much high expectations. Just go with the flow and see what happens. If there is chemistry, you can have another date. If there isn't thats ok to. Maybe you'll get a friendship out of it. That's also cool.

    Your not old at all! Everybody comes out when it's there time. But I do understand what your saying. You look around you and you see your friend moving forward in life and you feel like you are kinda stuck. The way you can change this is really to come out cause that's the way you want to live your life eventually. But you have to do it when you feel like you are ready. It's ok to take baby steps and struggle with this. You don't need to hurry.Most of us go through the same thing. Have you thought about joining a LGBT-group?
    I recently joint one and it felt so good to talk to people that are going through the same thing. Finally having someone to talk to that completely understands what you are going through really helps.
    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
    #4 Dykezz, Apr 7, 2011
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