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talk about a winding road...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Toneth, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. Toneth

    Full Member

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    Location:
    northeast ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    ok, so heres the run down: (no real names used)
    I have a new friend, we'll call him james,
    james just broke up with "paul"
    I once went out on A date with paul, he gave me the creepy vibe, and i didn't even give him a hug when the date was over.
    pauls last ex, "mark" is a good friend of mine, and I know that paul and mark had some knock down drag out fights, like, duck or get hit with a skillet fights
    ok...
    a few monthes ago paul introduced me to his then bf james, who then added me on facebook, and we starting texting as friends. james is new to the US and I figured he was just looking to make new friends.
    well it annoyed paul that james and I texted, even though it was always just normal stuff like, oh hey what are you up to, that kind of thing, no conversations or anything, but james told him that I'm a slut and that he shouldn't talk to me, (though I just found that out tonight)
    well obviously james and I kept talking (I didn't know it was a problem) and when he and paul were having problems he would text me, and all I really tried to do was be there as a friend, and every so often I'd text him and ask how he was doing, and how he was feeling. (they've been fighting for the better fart of 3 monthes)
    like 2 weeks ago they had a near fight, and james told me that he thought paul was going to hit him. I told him that if he did he should call the police right away, and explained about paul's previous fights with mark, but making sure to emphasize the fact that it was a 2 way street though with them.
    well james broke up with paul a few days later, and then a few days after that (this sunday) paul went over to james house to get some of his stuff, and somehow or another they started arguing and paul pretty much tried to beat james up, well james called the police and paul ran.
    james was pretty upset and I told him he should just relax, and suggested a movie night, and we could just chit chit eat junkfood and chill. well we decided on tonight.
    i was there for like 4 hours, but it really felt like a date, in a lot of ways, and I met him mom and sister, and niece and nephew, and it was really my first time hanging out with him.
    his sister said she wanted to make sure i was ok before he and I became friends (she liked me, lol) but she kinda hinted that he and I would be more than friends, and then said a bunch of stuff to him in serbian, which i don't understand at all. she didn't stay long, and shortly thereafter he and I started watching "White chicks" and he kinda snuggled up to me, and picked up my arm and put it over his shoulder, he asked if he was making me uncomfortable, and I said no. after the movie was over I got up, and we talked for a few min, then when i left he gave me a really big hug and asked for a small kiss, (a peck) which i gave to him.
    but really I'm confused, very confused
    I know he just got out of a bad relationship and is prolly feeling lonely, and I do want to be there for him as a friend, and I am attracted to him, and I think its pretty obvious he likes me too, but am I just a rebound? should I really even play with that idea in my head? is it maybe just his culture? idk
    the one thing I do know, is that mentioning me to his ex is like poking him with a stick, it pisses him off.
    ugh, idk, am I just reading too far into things and making something out of nothing?
     
  2. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

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    My belief of this situation is that you are there for him, and have been for a long time. From the way things appear, he seemed to want to communicate and make things work with his ex after most of the fights, and it just didn't end up that way. What he probably is feeling is that you have been an emotional support net for a long time, so it is comfortable for him to express emotions at a deeper level. Think of this as him taking a next step.
    He let you meet his family, his sister approves obviously, he has been talking to you for a really long time, and has probably been interested for a while. Now he has an opportunity. Its not under my impression that he is using you, or he would not have gone out of his way to integrate his families approval.

    I don't know, I would say go for it. He seem genuine, and sweet. However this is really a decision you need to make for yourself. Also understand that he will come with some baggage. Like his crazy abusive ex.
    Thats not something to be terrified over, and it will fade away, but it is also something that will most likely come back once or twice as an annoyance.