I'm stuck in my life. The days go by and nothing gets better. I want to be happy, and I know I must come out of the closet in order for this to happen, in order to have nothing to hide and in order to be free. However, I don't do anything, and it's not only because of the fear. If it was only the fear, I would be wishing to be free, and I would feel frustrated, because of this fear preventing me to be happy. But that's not the problem (at least, the main problem :eusa_doh. The problem is I'm not wishing to be happy. "I want to be happy", but that's all. There isn't this feeling of "really looking forward to be happy". I'm not like "I can't wait for this to come". I feel like I'm not totally concerned about what's happening with the "being gay" stuff. Sometimes I think I'm an unfeeling person...I can think in all the good things that could happen to me if I was free, in all the things that I could do and I would love to do, but I can't now, etc...and yet, those things seem to be insufficient for making me realize that I really need to come out, that I should be constantly thinking about it, and I should be wishing this moment to happen. I'm not sure if this text is even understandable, but if anyone has any ideas, suggestions...
I'm kinda thinking pretty similar to you lately. I think I understand- something tells you you need to be out in order to be happy, but at the same time, it doesn't seem worth it in a certain way?
I’m not sure that I completely understand what the problem is, but I wanted to offer a couple of thoughts on the matter nonetheless. Perhaps you’re just not ready to come out, either because of the fear that you describe or because you still haven’t found a good reason to do so. That’s perfectly understandable, and you should not think less of yourself just because you’re simply not ready to take this step. Perhaps in your unconscious mind you know that you’re not ready and are using it as an excuse to not move on with your life. Surely there are things that you can do to start building your future that do not require that you come out, at least not right away. What are some of these for you? By this I am referring to working on your career, physical and psychological well-being, establishing a strong support system for when you do decide to come out, etc. If you focus your time and energy on these things for now, coming out might not seem like such a daunting thing since you will no longer feel quite so stuck.
Hi! Welcome to EC first of all. I think I understand what you are saying. Is it that you feel as if you want to feel happiness, and you dont think you can by not being out? And also you dont have much of a drive for coming out, so you feel like you are having mixed feelings? If that is the situation I would like to tell you that most people do have mixed feelings with coming out. You are normal, and have nothing to fear. Remember that you have an entire online community to back you up, and support you in your times of need. ^_^ If you need help with anything in particular post some threads on specific issues so we can tackle this fear together. Best of wishes friend.
Thanks for your responses guys Let's see... Daryn: Yes, something tells me I need to be out to be happy. In fact, the closet is a barrier that doesn't let me progress in anything... with my friends, with my family (who I think have forgotten that I'm gay...), with myself...If I'm in the closet, I'm tied up. About the "worthiness" of coming out...I know that some "scenarios" could be awful, and this scares me, but in the end...I think that coming out is worth it. However, I have this lack of desire. But yes, I think we have very similar feelings :icon_sad: cardenio: To be ready to come out? Well, could be. First, I think I haven't accepted myself yet. I often feel embarrassed, and I can't say out loud "I'm gay", for example. As for the fear and the good reasons, the first one will be always there...and the reasons...what else can I wish better than "be free and happy"? Finally, if I focus on other things, I feel that there will be always a barrier (the closet) that won't let me progress. Also, I would want to come out soon, so I want to focus on this. TyRawr: Totally yes! And without this drive, I won't do anything (Glad to know how good is this community ) So...what's the next step? I'm thinking that maybe the fact I'm not completely accepting myself is preventing this drive to appear. What do you think? Should I try to accept myself in order to make this desire appear and feel ready to come out? Thanks again people
