Where to start...I really, really want to go with a girl, but I'm the only one out at my high school. I like this one girl a lot, and my gaydar is picking up serious rays from her, but I'm too terrified to ask her in case she isn't actually gay (I've picked up some stuff that could be considered hints to her sexuality, but she's never actually made any outright declarations about it). Also, I've never asked anyone out before, and I'm more than a little panicked about the concept. I could ask a girl I know is straight and we could go just as friends, only being the only out girl at school people tend to see me as "that lesbian chick" and I don't want my friends to have to deal with having their sexuality speculated. So since asking a girl is pretty much out of the question, I'm considering going with one of my guy friends. I'm good friends with this one senior guy, and he's asked if I'm interested in going to prom with him. The problem with this is that we have kind of a weird history -- we were hanging out a lot and going places together and I, oblivious girl that I am, completely missed the fact that he thought we were dating. I wasn't aware of dropping any sexual hints or flirting with him, but I'm super comfortable around guys and I guess I must have come across as interested. When he point blank asked me where we should go for "our next date", I realized I had a beard.:icon_redf So basically I came out to him even though I wasn't really out to anyone at the time. It was really awkward and I felt horrible, but he seemed to take it okay. Now we've been hanging out again and he's started sending me texts that are kind of flirty in an adorably-nerdy-teenage-guy type of way. The other day he asked me to prom as friends, and I said I was available but he was welcome to go looking for a girl who could feel the same way about him as he felt about her if he wanted to. I know he thinks he'll be fine going to prom with me, but I'm kind of worried that I'll end up hurting him. I went to homecoming with a girl I liked a few years ago, and even though I knew she was straight it still hurt when we got there and nothing romantic happened. I knew not to expect anything, but I guess my subconscious didn't get the message and was still hoping something would change, that she'd realize she was actually bi and her boyfriend wasn't nearly as gorgeous or charming as I was. I think it might be even worse for him because I don't think he really gets that sexuality isn't a choice or a way of making a statement. So after that long-winded back story, what do you think I should do for prom? I kind of want to go this year, since a lot of my senior friends are graduating in May and this will be our last chance to all go to prom together. I suppose I could just go stag, but I think that might be kind of awkward....what should I doooooo?
To me it sounds like you should just go with this guy, but do so in a big group of friends. Friend dates to dances are my favorite, because you get to go completely wild and have a blast with zero pressure from a romantic date. Unless that's just something I do.... I have a feeling if you do that, he won't feel too surprised or disappointed. You'll only risk hurting him if you start acting intimate with him. As to the other chick, you can always ask, but it can be risky if you're friends and she doesn't get it. It all depends on what type of person she is, and how you think she'd react to the question.
I'm no expert on school functions, but it sounds to me like you would be most comfortable going solo. Cause that way, you could hang out with your guy-friend and your girl-friends, but it wouldn't be like you were any one person's "date". Or maybe you could try just asking the girl you've been getting hints from if she'd like to go with you.
Regarding the girl, why don't you just ask her, privately, if she could ever see herself going out with a girl. Keep in mind that she may be uncertain about it herself. Even if she might be interested, she may not be ready to be out publicly. Depending on her situation at home, it might even be dangerous for her. So, it might be better to ask her for a more casual date first, rather than the prom. As to the guy, I think he'd be better off finding a girl who can like him back. If we didn't know he was interested in you, it would be different, but he is. Tell him you think at least one of you should get to have a real date. Talk to your friends and see if anyone else is having trouble, and you can all go in a mass. I went to both junior and senior prom with a big group of friends, and I wasn't even out yet. Don't worry about going stag, either--you're out, so it's not like people won't understand why you don't have a date. You might have more fun if you can get a group of people to all go stag, though. Actually, if you put the word out like that, some people might go who would otherwise stay home. I think it's terrible when people are deprived of the whole experience just because they don't have a date.
I really want to, but I'm not sure how polite that would be. I don't know, do you think it's rude to ask someone about their sexuality?
If you open the conversation by discussing your own sexuality, and then ask her nicely about herself, it should be fine, as long as it's a private conversation. You start by talking about your own experiences and feelings (in general, not about her), and then maybe broaden the discussion to be about people and their sexuality more generally, and the different experiences lots of different people have. Maybe talk about the Kinsey scale. Then you can ask her about herself. Don't ask her to make declarative statements about her identity--don't ask if she's a lesbian or bisexual, she may not be ready to answer that. Ask, "So, what about you, do you think you could ever be interested in a girl?" or something like that. (If you've been discussing the Kinsey scale, you could ask her where she thinks she fits on it.) You have to be ready for any answer she might give, though, including "no" and "I don't know." (A lot of people don't really know at 16.) Make sure to have the conversation in a "safe" place, preferably a closed room with just the two of you, or the middle of a big empty field with no one around.
so obviously you remember ive been going through a kind of simular thing so the responses to my thread might be some sort of help. about that guy: it really does seem as if hes into you even if youre going as friends, that really doesnt seem like such a good idea. i like the advice on cohersing her into revealing where the girl stands, if you never ask you may never know. thats how i found the girl i like is gay (thank goodness but still nothings happened and im still afraid to ask her to prom but still) good luck again to you and wall message or when your full member, pm me anytime
