Today I received news that a 16 year old transgender ftm committed suicide. I didn't know this kid but still it affected me deeply. I guess it was just a brutal reminder of why my work and PFLAG's work is so vitally important. Sometimes I get discouraged because people don't step up to the plate for leadership roles or people complain about having to drive 20 minutes to a meeting when I drive 45 minutes one way at least twice a month. People keep telling me they are tired or discouraged because we just don't seem to have the parents walking in the door like we used to. I think its because we're actually in a better place where parents ARE more accepting and don't need the support like they used to. That is good! Still we need to be there. This kid had a supporting family and a network of people pulling for him and still he felt he couldn't continue his life. I just feel very sad that his family and the people that loved him had to lose him. :tears:
I'm glad there are people like you who keep organisations like PFLAG going, and even if it seems like parents don't walk through the door incidents like this prove that they are needed.
More on Ian... Sticks and Stones This letter is from TransActive Education & Advocacy, a group supporting youth of all genders in Portland, Oregon. As a parent of a son who struggles with gender roles and the constraints of society, I needed to share it. The next time you hear someone called he-she or tranny or freak, remember words can hurt a lot more than sticks and stones. They can kill you. “Dear Friends & Family, Late Monday evening I received the news that I have dreaded since beginning my advocacy work on behalf of transgender children, youth and their families. I knew this day might, indeed would have to come, but I hoped with all my heart that somehow it would not happen. Ian Guarr, a 16-year old transgender boy committed suicide yesterday. As sad as the death of any child can be at any time, in any way, the loss of this child, in this way at this time is particularly painful for many of us. It's painful because I knew Ian, his mother, father and younger brother personally. At one time, I considered myself part of their extended family. Ian's death is particularly painful because he was one of the lucky ones. He was loved and cherished for who he was by his family. His mother and I, along with others, co-founded TransYouth Family Advocates in the hopes of providing help to Ian and so many other transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth. He had every good chance of overcoming the 50% suicidal ideation rate that is reported for transgender children and youth. And yet, with the most loving and supportive family imaginable, the sun rises today on a world missing another treasured child. I liked Ian very, very much. He was a sensitive, thoughtful, incandescently intelligent young man. His mind was swift, taking in everything around him, though he rarely commented aloud about what he observed. When he did though, it was always worth hearing. Ian was painfully shy in many ways, and for that reason I took pleasure in making him squirm with the occasional non-sequitur, which he enjoyed and he would often toss one back at me with a sideways smile. I will always remember him with that sideways smile... I loved making him laugh, and I loved his dry wit...it was an honor to know him and his life enriched mine. As someone who once considered myself part of the extended Guarr family, I send them my deepest condolences. I send an embrace from the deepest part of my soul not only to the Guarr family, but to Kim Pearson, Shannon Garcia, "Just Evelyn" and their families as well. From all of us at TransActive Education & Advocacy, I pledge our ongoing committment to work on behalf of the thousands of children and youth who, like Ian, struggle to fit into a world that far too often sees only their difference and ignores their gifts. Please join us in sending your prayers, positive thoughts and support to Ian's family, extended family, friends and classmates. Join us and others who are working to create a more loving and nurturing world for transgender and gender non-conforming children, youth and their families. Hug your children and let them know that they are loved for exactly who they are...not in spite of who they are. I wish Ian the peace he was unable to find in this life. And I believe that wherever his spirit, soul, energy force or consciousness is now, he is free of such insignificant limitations as gender and any other pain he may have experienced in his life. You were loved, Ian...and you still are. Your friend, Jenn Burleton Executive Director TransActive Education & Advocacy Co-founder & Past President TransYouth Family Advocates West Region Coordinator & Board Member PFLAG-Transgender Network Hayley Klug Associate Advocate TransActive Education & Advocacy Kaig Lightner Associate Advocate/Technology Coordinator TransActive Education & Advocacy Cathy Zellmer-Jackson Associate Advocate Brooke Haight Turpen Youth Advocate Tracie Stratton Family Coodinator"
Another heart breaking story :tears: My heart goes out to his family in their time of loss, and to all families around the world going through this sort of trauma, and especially to Ian who must have gone through hell in his head before making that final and fatal decision. :icon_sad:
You know, it really bothers me. They're so damned concerned about things like getting candy bars and vending machines out of schools that they miss the big picture. There are a lot of teens out there that, for no other reason than harassment over who they are, are committing suicide. To think, that a level of persecution and harassment exists, and on a regular and disturbingly frequent basis, that teens are KILLING themselves. I think we've all seen the statistics about how many teen suicides are related to sexuality/perceived sexuality and all of the related issues. And yet there are so many people out there that claim it doesn't exist, or it's not a problem, or that these kids bring it on themselves by "choosing" to be gay. Honestly, which is the bigger youth health crisis? A couple of extra pounds, or BEING DEAD?
