Hello everyone. It has been a while since I have posted regularly on EC but I am once again in need of people who understand me. When I first came to this site I was closeted completely except to 2 people who only half believed I was gay. Now I am completely out to most of my family to the exception of some aunts and uncles, and my Dad's side of the family who I am not as close with. Anyways, I wish I could say that everything has been all good, but in reality, I'm still in the same place as I was before I came to EC; alone. After the brief period of me sort of telling a lot of family I was gay, I was on cloud 9 and my life seemed to be looking up. But somehow, I have fallen back into my reality of that I have always felt that I will be alone. Most of the people I have told seem to pretend I never told them and I have not spoke to anyone about it in a couple months now. Its almost as if I never told anyone. I guess I can't complain since only a couple people had a negative reaction, but nothing serious. Everyone was cool with it. I have even found myself falling back into that mode of "talking straight," like saying that a girl is hot even though I know id rather do her brother lol. But anyways, I have always been a reserved person who cares too much what people think. I want to break this mold before I allow myself to accept me being alone. I just don't have any clue where to begin. I don't know if I'm asking for dating advice, emotional support, or if I'm just wanting the real me to be aknowledged. Either way, any thing would help:icon_sad:
You could always do with a big (*hug*). You're likely living in a region of the States (Dallas) where people hold more conservative views. Therefore, there are places in the world where this isn't always true. You're not alone. You should tell people who you trust and build a support network for yourself so you won't feel judged or lost and alone.
I can't relate to coming out because I haven't done it. But I do know how painful it is to be someone who you aren't. I deal with it everyday from my classes to the lockerroom. my only advice is that you've arrived at your destination, now enjoy the view! Just be yourself whether that is extremely gay or more straight. Don't try to be something your not. I live in a pretty conservative area and to me it seems like no one is gay but me! It sucks and can get pretty lonely. But I just look toward the future and other people who have made it through and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There will someone out there for me, until then just be who you are; not who your supposed to be. Ranting has always helped so has a punching bag and plenty of running. I hoped I helped in some way shape or form. If not, then just know were here for you so keep us informed on how your doing and feel free to put up a wall message if you ever need me! Hope it gets better (*hug*)
My problem is that I care too much what people think, its the reason why I was closeted for so long. Its really crazy that I have always cared more about what people think, more than they actually care about me period. Its this reason that I have never had any real friends or never been in a relationship. I really dont have anyone that cares enough about me to care about my orientation. Only person that gets me is my cousin, who is gay, but he stays in Chicago. Its really the oddest thing, you would think coming out would be the FINALLY moment, but I feel no different. ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2011 at 12:26 AM ---------- I dont even know if its that I'm pretending anymore (I most certainly was) but that I still do not know who I am. I know I am gay. Thats it lol. I don't know what my type is, I actually am still attracted to some girls, I dont know how to attract anybody...:bang:
No one seems to notice then make them notice. Go out to a gay bar, bring up gay conversation, dammit tell them the brother is a 10! We come out of the closet expecting people to change when it's us who need to change. Not who we are but what we are used to like bad habits, defense mechs, going with the flow etc. Rock the boat a little and see what happens. Ask family to go out to a gay restaurant or bar (if you're close like that). Invite them into your life and talk about your life as well. Best way to start is to mention a guy you saw or met to someone once a week, twice, three times, once a day etc.
Hrmm thats tough man, I have no experience in that situation I guess I would go with MyDecember's suggestion. If no one wants to acknowledge it then make them acknowledge, also try meeting new people and make completely new friends. Try joining something new like a speech club or a book club.
You are right haha, I know I must change. I am just such a whimp lol. I am so used to being totally low key, if I had someone I'm sure I could be all those things, but by myself its hard. But you are so so right, but I am not a risk taker. I mean I've always known I was different at like 5, I knew I was gay at like 12 but tried to suppress it due to bullying and such, and finally came out to myself last August. When I told everyone, it was awesome, but Idk, I guess because I'm so low key, no one seems to remember. I'm pretty sure if i actually brought a boyfriend around everyone will be all suprised like "He's actually gay???"
Have you considered that peoples 'lack of reaction' might be a sign that they just don't care? I mean this in the sense that, well, why should they talk about it, or bring it up? Similar to as previously posted, don't forget that people really feed off you emotionally. If other people notice that YOU don't bring up gay topics, especially related to yourself, then they'll grow to assume that such topics aren't comfortable with you. Friends and family generally try to look out for you, and make you feel comfortable, and if that means not talking about certain things they believe you're not cool with, then that's what they'll do! You should let them know you're comfortable about it, rock the boat a bit as MyDecember mentioned, initiate some gayness!
I second gumtree's point. Isn't that the goal? For people to accept us as ourselves & not get stuck on our orientation? Maybe we think it's a bigger deal than it is because it takes so much of our energy to work up the nerve to come out. But really, I don't think my sexuality is relevant to my brothers or most other people. I know the feeling though. After I told my husband I was gay, I brought up the topic every once in a while just to make sure he didn't think I had changed my mind or something LOL
