Last weekend, I got myself into a bad situation. I got invited to go to a Senior party that I was told was just going to be a party and supervised by parents. Not a rave with sex and drinks going on everywhere. Being a freshman on the Varsity squad I am pretty well-liked by the upper classmen. I got a friend to drive me there being that I don't have my license quite yet, and from the outside it looked pretty normal. Upon stepping inside though it was a different story. I kept my wits and guts about me and decided that I would try to stay, the guys had also invited quite a few girls from the local public school. Well, I thought the party was going to be cool because the guys that were holding it were pretty chill and nice. But they ended up joining with another party going on and had ended up at this place. Well once I got inside, I sorta freaked out and tried to leave while keeping my "cool quarterback" mentallity. You could smell the drinks and pot in that place the moment you entered the door. My friend had already disappeared into the crowd and I tried convincing some of the guys that this was not "what I thought it was and we should leave." Then the peer pressure turned on and they said, "Come on man, have a little fun! What are you afraid of the girls? Plus the best part is coming up!" Despite my protests, I did give in and I followed them. After being offered somed drinks which I shot down, they introduced me to some girls. Then one of these girls, who knows of me and I know of her, asked me to follow her. Innocently I did, until it struck me what she was going at. I pulled away from her but she kept trying to push me away along with alll the other guys. When we got to a semi-deserted area of the house, this girl who is a senior btw, started attacking me! She tried to kiss me and I sorta just took it. Trust me there is part of me that wants to think I like that stuff. It felt like I was kissing a dog or my sister. I was grossed out by it so I sorta flinched away. Then she went after the pants... but that's when I laid down the hand and said, "No, I'm not in to that thing." She stopped but her patience had run out and she got mad and said, " What the fuck, am I not good enough for you?" I guess no one had never told her no but I responded, "No no, I'm just not into doing that stuff." She then gave me a look and said, "Well, why the hell not? Are you gay or something?" At that I completely froze up and just started stammering. Then she just gave me this evil glare and stalked off. At that I sorta made a bolt for the door but a bunch of guys from another school, who I didn't even know. stopped me and wouldn't let me threw the door. They were obviously drunk but I started getting pretty pissed off and I started to raise my voice. Finally I had had enough and I threw a punch at one of them, square in the jaw. Which was a bad, bad idea. They all ganged up on me and it got pretty violent. Luckily, an upper classmen from my school who is on varsity with me saw it happen. He got a bunch of our school's upperclassmen and it turned into a little bit of a brawl. He pulled me aside and said, "What the hell our you doing here? We got you covered get out of here!" So I bolted out the front door and I ran straight into a bunch of sirens. Apparently someone had called the cops. I didn't know what to do about it, I have never been in any bad situation like this nor have i ever been a trouble maker. So I did what I could do best and ran for it. I don't think they saw my face but two or three of them chased after me. I got away and I have never quite run like that in my life. I know the kids inside all got arrested and there was so much going shit going on. I even heard there was some cocaine in there. I don't know what's going to happen but I got out of it with only a black eye. Afterwards I found out there were only a few kids from my school there, but I am madder then hell out my so called friend for bringing me there. My Dad knows something happened but doesn't know what. The school is taking harsh disciplinary actions on the kids who were there. With my Dad (He's got tons of buddies in the force) and school looking around they are bound to find out sometime. Meanwhile I'm left here and I'm scared shitless. What should I even do?!?! I was "sick" for school today. I would never tell my Dad or my Mom, who are devout catholics and my dad is in the a Colonel in the U.S. marines and he has the military mentality on strictness. They are bound to find out sometime soon. I'm surprised none of my friends have said anything about me being there but who knows how long that'll last?? I don't know I have never been this deep into shit and I have no fucking clue what to do about it? Should I say something?
Coming from someone who used to get herself into a lot of bad situations and trouble, I would say just don't say anything. It seems like you got away and if no one's said anything I don't think they will. Next time think twice about parties. Remember you are in high school and since you're a varsity football player you're probably more on the popular side and there are going to be tons of parties like that and that's how most of the parties are. That's just how high school is. If that's not your thing than I suggest staying away from those parties because next time you might not get away.
First, I'm really sorry you got stuck in that situation. It's unfortunately one of the lessons that people have to learn about following their instincts and getting out of situations that don't feel right when you first get the intuition. You can't be expected to know that running into it for the first time, so don't kick yourself for it. All in all, I think you made the right decisions. Second, I really admire you for sticking to your guns and choosing not to do things you weren't comfortable with as far as drinking or getting involved sexually with the girl. Whether the person coming onto you was male or female, when you say "no", the other person needs to back off, and what she did to you would, technically, qualify as assault, though in our sexist society, no one would see it as that. Your response was reasonable and appropriate, and your way of handling her was extremely mature and responsible. Your parents have clearly brought you up with good values and courtesy. As far as what to do... it's a tough call. If you are reasonably certain someone is going to rat you out, then you're *much* better off to sit down with your parents and tell them, almost word for word, what you said above. They might be upset, and they might ground you, but if you explain exactly what you said... that you were uncomfortable from the start, that you weren't interested in the alcohol or drugs or the girl's trying to get with you... then my guess is that they will respect you and appreciate your honesty. And I'd tell them about the issue with running away from the police as well. That way, they will be on *your* side, and if anything does come of it (I don't think it will, and I don't think they would be able to charge you in any case) they will be a lot more likely to want to reject any attempts by the school or the police. And this might also open up a conversation in which your parents will (hopefully) make an agreement with you that you can call them at any time, under any circumstances, when you don't feel safe, and they will come get you, without getting angry. Many parents make such pacts with their teenaged children, knowing that without it, their children might be afraid and will stay in a bad situation instead of asking for help. If you don't feel safe telling your parents, another option might be, if you have a close relationship with your coach, or with your guidance counselor, to confide in them... again, telling them exactly what you said above. Teachers generally have a pretty good sense of which kids are the "good kids" and my sense is they will immediately realize you're telling the truth. You were just in a bad place at the wrong time. Your intuition told you that up front, but you felt the pull of your friends and the peer pressure. This won't be the last time such a situation comes up... I can almost assure you of that. But you can learn from it and make wiser decisions, and in that way, if you stick to your beliefs and don't allow your peers to twist your arm into doing things you don't want to do, you'll end up way ahead of them. I hope that helps.
Brodyman, Chip has got it right. As difficult as its going to be, I think you need to tell your parents. You said that your Dad knows something happened, but not what. And you're obviously worried that somehow the news is going to get out. You'll avert all sorts of trouble later by taking this head on, sitting down and telling your parents first. That does a few things for you. It means they hear it from you, and not from someone else. It means you're man enough, and trust them enough, to tell them. It will also reassure them that you can be trusted, because you're telling them, and as you said, you refused drink, drugs and sex. They'll be angry and upset that you were in such a situation in the first place, sure. But everything else, if you tell them upfront, is in your favour. Your honesty, your refusal to behave badly at the party, even starting a fight in order to be able to leave. However they react initially, they'll recognise that. Good luck!
It's up to you what to do. There's a possibility that one of the other kids at that party would rat you out- especially since you threw a few punches. I don't know- if it were me, i'd probably just lay low for a while.
Never allow yourself to succumb to peer pressure again. In my opinion, your level of involvement with this incident is not very culpable in terms of any criminal responsibility. i.e. your violence is due to resistance against illegal detention (them not letting you leave), and you have not used unreasonable force. You did not participate in illegal underage drinking, nor did you disseminate alcohol to other minors.
Wow. That'll be one for the grandkids! If it were me, I wouldn't talk, and I'd dump the friend that brought me there. If you feel like you need to tell, it'll probably work out okay, but I'd say you're pretty much in the clear from the sound of it. Move on, lesson learned, I think.
*whistles* Quite the predicament. First of all as far as girls are concerned you can say "No thanks I'm not into hookups" or something along those lines. Yeah being on the more popular side you're gonna see crazy shit going down.XD However you should always have buddies/friends or somebody that's got your back available. Atleast just for a safety net. As far as the school goes I've never had to deal with them cracking down because of parties. I'd say just play it cool and don't mention it around. You'd obviously know your parents better than I would but you have to remember that at one point they were kids too and probably got into trouble of their own. Just take a moment to relax and get your thoughts all together. Not much more I can tell you other than don't jump to hasty decisions and keep your cool situations like these tend to blow over fairly quickly.
Yeah, it will be quite a story one day... I was quite lucky one of my team-mates saw me there but now he is getting all the blame. As for the school cracking down on the parties, it is a private Catholic school so they really try to bite hard on these type of things. I don't think any of my buddies will fess up on me, but I think my Dad will figure it out before long. He has already asked me whether I knew any of the kids at the party... that's what you get when your dad is friends with the Chief of the Police. Anyone know any good excuses for a black eye? I got to have something to go back to school with other then, "I tripped" lol.
Oh dear LOL you've got a black eye and you're parents don't know about that? Oh boy it's gonna be rough for you.
I don't think you have any right to be mad at your friends, no right at all. You went there willingly, and peer pressure is a pretty poor excuse. Secondly, where do you live!? Sounds like my kind of party! Thirdly, honesty, in all situations, will always lead to the happiest outcome for all involved. Finally, don't run from cops. I've plenty of experience with police in many countries in similar situations. If you approach them willingly and aren't in a state where you can barely speak/function, they generally side with you.
Tough situation, but you did the best you could with it. Glad you made it through. Even though your parents are strict & wouldn't be happy with the situation you ended up in, they will probably be happy with most of the decisions you made and that you now realize what they are trying to shelter you from. Whatever consequence your parents decide is appropriate (unless they tend to violence?) will probably be worth having their help through this. If they will find out anyway- definitely best that they hear it from you. Good luck!
I would say if you aren't comfortable talking about it to your parents then talk to a teacher about it if you're close with them. In high school, there were a few teachers that I was close with and could talk to them about anything if I needed to. That way someone else knows about what happened and can collaborate that this is an example of wrong place, wrong time. Just remember to trust your gut and stick to your morals, and that should help you avoid situations like this in the future.
Seems like you got off easy! It could have been much worse, you could have been beaten really bad, arrested. It sounds like you made some good decisions (not drinking, not screwing around with the girl). The fighting part was a bad idea though I have a way worse story - soon after I turned 18, I went to go visit a friend who was in college with me, but a couple of years older. He had his own apartment, and since he was an engineer and he smoked pot, he designed a hydroponic growing system to grow his own. I don't smoke, but I thought his grow system was neat and didn't think much of it. Anyways, as I was leaving the police pulled up to my car, a nice Audi my parents bought me (I know, spoiled), and grabbed me and dragged me to my friends place, put me in front of the door and knocked on it. My friend figured I had forgotten something, and as soon as he unlocked the door they barged in and put us both in handcuffs. I ended up spending the night in jail. I thought my life was over - here I was, just turned 18, honor student in the best university in the country and now I was in jail, arrested for drug trafficking. Thankfully they let me go (at 5 in the morning), and since I was 18 my parents never even found out. It just goes to show you - be careful where you go - be careful who you choose as friends!
You're in football, say you were thinking of a new play (whatever, i don't know football at all...), or just horsing around and some newbie tackled you and elbowed you in the head, since you were horsing around and not at practice you didnt have your helmet.
