"I'm gay" "I'm gay" "I'm gay" It's so easy to type out hiding behind a computer screen and a false name, but when people actually ask me in person "Are you gay?" I just freeze up. Over the past 2 weeks (I hope your ready for an essay) i've had 2 oppurtunities to come out, but the words just couldn't get out of my mouth, even though i feel ready. (Before i go into it, i'm very sure of my sexuality, and i have no self-loathing or anything. I'm happily past that now.:icon_bigg) 1)Me and a friend (Call him J) had just walked one of our friends, a girl who i'll refer to as "S", back to her house. This convo ensued. J: Do you like S? Me: I get along with her. J: :eusa_doh: I don't mean in that way.... Me: What? NOO no no no. J:Come on, i wont tell her. Me: J..... (My next line was going to be "i don't like women. I'm gay". The pause felt like forever) Me:...I just wouldn't go out with S. She's not my type. 2) Tonight. Few hours ago. Me and some other friends were playing a drinking game (Being sensible, i had Cola). Someone would say "I have never" and then finish it. Whoever had done what was said had to take a drink. Yep, you guessed it. Someone said "I have never had a gay expirience". All I had to do was take a drink, and i couldn't even manage that. They even outright asked me at one point "Are you gay". Again, i froze, another long pause, then just said no. :eusa_liar These people are not homophobic at all. and they'd all said it'd be ok if i was (Hinting at it. I am an obvious gay, not an over the top one though), but even then i just couldn't say it. :icon_sad: If you've read this far, then thanks for actually caring. Rant/ :help:
I was kinda like this too. Friend with a lotta gay friends, open-minded, etc...but I just couldn't. And when I did, I started bawling like a baby. It gets easier with time I guess. Unfortunately not many people are patient. Just take as much time as you need ok? (p.s. I think they might have an idea lol)
I couldn't say it aloud before either, but I can now. (Alone, but it is still progress, right?) Practice saying it alone until you can say it easily. Give yourself some time. Don't force it. If these people aren't homophobic and you know they won't react badly, then there is less pressure on backlash. Calm down...You can do this. Next time, just take the drink (If you can't do it, that's okay too.)
There's something very...FINAL...about coming out. You're crossing a bridge you can't uncross. Right now, if you wanted to, you can "live straight". Pretend all the gay feelings and fantasies were just some quirk or whim or something, and now you're straight, and life is sunshine lollipops and rainbows. Except for the fact that, y'know, you're not straight. It's very common to be afraid to take that step. Just know that it's often very relieving to be on the other side of it. Lex
If you feel comfortable typing it, then perhaps you could try telling someone through a text message, or IM or Facebook or something? Then seeing as you've already breached the subject with them, it'll be easier to talk about it with them in person (they may even bring up the subject themselves). The first is the worst, after that it gets much easier!
I have that problem as well, I cant really say it. But only to family. I'm fine with my friends knowing, buut I'm still uncomfortable with that fact. I told my best friend first, and when I did, first I looked in the mirror and just kept saying 'I'm Gay'. Until I could tell her. *Through a text message.* Maybe you can do that. It worked for me, it might work for you
Thanks for the response's everyone. The only problem i have is that i feel ready to (As Lex puts it) cross the bridge, it's just actually crossing it, Text or in person, that i have trouble doing. I'm sure i'll do it sooner or later though, i just need to stop rushing myself. I keep setting little deadlines for myself, "I'll come out by next week/month/year" etc. I just need to take my time. Thanks for the help everyone.
Hey, I know how you feel, saying "I'm gay" was the hardest thing I've ever had to say. As others have said, its because there's no going back. But once you get to the other side of having said it, you don't want to go back! I personally found it extremely difficult telling people in person. I just couldn't do it, I didn't want to see people's initial reactions I guess. So I used msn and texts. I'd type out a text message with what I wanted to say, add in the contact(s) and then almost dare myself to send it.....and I actually managed to send them in the end. Similar idea with msn. It was scary as hell but it felt kind of exciting and every response I got was positive (even though hardly anyone even suspected me of being gay). So thats one way you can do it if you find face to face too hard. People didn't care how I told them, they were actually quite pleased just with the fact that I did (and people are generally quite chuffed with the fact that you trust them enough), people understand how hard it is for people to come out. But as you say, take your time. Its not a race. But I think you are ready to come out, at least to your friends, so all the best and I'm sure it'll go well once you do decide to go for it
I'm having that same problem right now, too! For the longest time, I couldn't even admit it to myself. Now I can, but the problem is telling other people. I know, it's hard as hell, even just telling someone over the internet or a text message. I've been thinking about telling people a lot lately, and I've tried. But every time, I just don't know how to ease into the subject, because I don't just want to randomly say "HEY, I'M PANSEXUAL!!" So I just don't say anything about it at all, or whenever I do say something about it, I act like I'm only joking. Because I'm the type of person who jokes a lot with her friends. I think my friends expect me to merely joke. I'm not sure how to be serious because when I'm nervous or anything, I automatically go into joke mode. There is something final about coming out; once you say it, you can't take it back. I think the scariest part is possible reactions. You just never know exactly how the person will react, even if you know them really well. Oftentimes, the unknown scares us more than anything else. But yeah, I know what you're going through; I'm having that same problem. I actually participated in the Day of Silence today, but people just think I did it because I have a lot of gay friends. That's another thing. Since I have so many gay friends, you'd think it'd be easy for me to admit to them that I'm not straight. But it doesn't really matter what the person you want to tell is like. It's still really scary trying to tell them. But anyway, I told one of my friends today in class. Well actually, I didn't "tell" her because I wasn't talking today. I wrote it down in a notebook. It was really hard. The only reason I told her at all was because I was thinking about how no one knows and she realized something was wrong. I tried to act like everything was fine, but she knew I was lying and demanded that I tell her what was bothering me. So I wrote it down. Even doing that was soo difficult. Like, I didn't even want to let go of the notebook so she could read it, lol. And I'm not sure how well that's going to go down either, because I didn't really get the chance to see what she thinks about it. So I'm kinda worrying now. I'm not going to say just go out and do it already! Because it's definitely not easy. I keep freezing as well. I guess we just have to go along, think positively, and hope for the best. A text message or something along those lines might help, though. I actually told two of my internet friends about how I'm pansexual. It was hard actually getting onto the subject and just admitting it. But after I told them, it felt great! I was sooo relieved, honestly. And they're both fine with it. Heck, the one (I'll call him D) said that he had a feeling I wasn't straight. And then, he was joking around, lightening up the conversation and making me feel not so awkward, because I did feel kinda awkward after telling him. But like I said, D is totally fine with it. He even said I have to hurry up and get with a girl already, so I can tell him all about it, XD lol.
I came out to my best friend over text messaging. The time we met up after that was awkward. I didn't want to mention it. He was wondering if I'd bring it up. It was the elephant in the room. Eventually he commented about it and I felt open to talk and joke about it like guys do about girls. "That just means I have twice the luck." I'd say being able to openly talk as a bisexual rather than hiding as a heterosexual, which doesn't make sense since I'm half-hetero, was the most normal I've ever felt. And that's with talking about girls I think are hot (I think just subconsciously it makes an impact).
