1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

lesbian with feelings for gay best friend- what to do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BettyBoopGuido, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. BettyBoopGuido

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2011
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people

    okay. here is my story-
    i came out as a lesbian about a year and half ago or so and had a crush on my best friend who is gay at that time. .. when i came out i thought i was over guys and wouldn't be attracted to another one.. well, i check out girls but now i am to the point of having feelings for my gay best friend so much that i often think of what it would be like if we were couple and it is also to the point where i saw him with a girl friend of his the other day and i got jealous and took off even though i know he saw me and asked me about it later... i am wondering if this means i am still questioning or that i am bisexual or something and my friend has told me that it wouldn't happen between us and he knows i have been crushing on him ,but i am not sure he knows how deep my feelings are getting... the thing is, i have checked out other girls since coming out and am trying to figure out this whole thing- my best friend and i am sure he knows something is up... so. i guess what i am asking is how do you know what those feelings you are having are all about and how do i approach the subject when i talk to him??
     
  2. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2011
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fair Oaks CA
    I feel for you, and understand what you are saying.

    I have had a similar situation before. My understanding on the subject, is that gay's have a way of sticking together somehow.
    When I was "bi" (actually gay) I was with my girlfriend who also bi (also gay).
    What typically happens is that you confuse intimate feelings. The intimate relationship between a friend is much different then a lover.

    My guess is that you have not had many experiences with another woman, but I feel like once you have it may bring some clarity to how you really feel.

    Right now.... I would advise you not to seek your friend. First of all he's gay, and second of all... could you imagine having sex with him?
    Not to say that a relationship is dependent on sex, however, it is to suggest that if you are not attracted to the opposite sex, then you probably should not date the opposite sex.
     
  3. BettyBoopGuido

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2011
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    thanks for the reply!
    you are dead on here! i haven't had a relationship with anyone and i am glad to have a reply to this...i am still not out completely.. there are only a select few that know and i am wondering if maybe the reason i keep going back to me and my friend is because it feels safe for me when i don't see it happening... as for the sexual stuff, i am not sure... sometimes i think it could happen and then i'm like uh no... so it can be confusing...
     
  4. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2011
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fair Oaks CA
    Yeah, and confusing is completely fine. Its normal, and its going to take a while for it to become more clear. I think you actually gave yourself some good advice just now. Its safe to go back to your friend, perhaps it is time to move on, try taking initiate. The next step may be coming out to more people, and trying to instill some relationships with some other girls who are gay.
     
  5. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    This is kind of random but I read somewhere that lesbians and gays sometimes form relationships with each other before the realize that they are both in fact gay. Because the girl is attracted to the slight feminimness in the boy, and the boy is attracted to the slight masculinness in the girl.
    I don't know if it's true or not, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
     
  6. BettyBoopGuido

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2011
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    i see what you mean about coming out to more people....i have been thinking about that myself and the main reason i am hesitant in doing so is because of the reactions i have gotten in the past and also the fact that i'm not sure i am ready to come out again soon... as it is, my mom and i don't talk about it and right now she is the only one in my family that knows...i am keeping it from the rest because right now i don't see them needing to know... i know the one thing i need to do is talk to my friend cause we are super close and i haven't told him this has came back lately... the cool thing about my friend is that he doesn't shock easily and so we can have this talk and i know it won't be some awkward thing...

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2011 at 10:34 AM ----------

    hmm... that is interesting... not sure if it's the case here as my friend has known for awhile he is gay and has been dating numerous people although nothing has come of it... when we

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2011 at 10:35 AM ----------

    hmm... that is interesting... not sure if it's the case here as my friend has known for awhile he is gay and has been dating numerous people although nothing has come of it... when we are together, the one topic we don't talk about much is dating... if he is interested in someone he tells me, but nothing else..