Here it is, I'm pretty proud of it, but please, tell me what you'd change. (Sorry, its really long.) Mom, I hate having to go through this so much. I hate all this confusion I've gone through. But, I feel that I need to do this for myself. Before you think this is a suicide letter, its not. I feel its not even close to that bad, though I don't know what you'll think. And, to put this out there, you can yell at me for changing my mind so much, I was confused, or so I thought, and I was scared. But, even though your opinion of me matters so much to me, I'm doing this for me. And also for you, because I really don't like lying to you. And this is what I've been avoiding my whole life. I've always dreamt of the perfect family, a husband, kids, a nice house and a nice job. So, its natural that I would push it back for as long as possible If you haven't already guessed, I'm gay. I finally figured it out, and I'm finally ready to let the world know. I feel like I've known since I was little I was different from other girls. I never really felt happy with a guy. And Troy, cause I know you'll mention him, like I've said before, its cause I couldn't keep him. I admit I have problems with jealousy. When I was younger, around 6, I started noticing girls getting crushes on guys, its what I grew up with. I naturally had little crushes on some guys too, but I also had crushes on girls. I obviously didn't realize it was 'abnormal' until I was around 9. At 9 I started wanting to go for the girls. And not so much with the boys. One night at Taylors, we started talking, she told me she thought she liked this girl. And I thought, "Really? Another girl who likes girls?" and got happy. The happiest I was with myself and those around me.. Me and her even talked about trying out kissing, I said no because I thought it was weird, because we were so close and because we had known each other for so long. That we were like sisters. A year later, I asked her if she still liked girls, to my disappointment, she said no. I got really sad. She asked me if I still liked girls, I frowned and very quietly said, 'no.' But, I did. I remember being 10 and thinking, 'I cant only like girls, its not right, I have to like boys. So I can have kids.' Even though I went through all the denial and confusion I did, it made me stronger. And helped me learn more about myself and others. I learned what people in the LGBT community go through daily. Hate crimes, bullying, parents disowning them etc. But, I don't think your like those parents, and though I fear I'll be yelled at for writing this, and telling you so many stories, I feel its best for me. This is what I am doing in my room every night, researching why I am who I am, why I'm like this, why me and how to tell you after changing my mind so much. I felt I couldn't tell you, that I was the only person who 'went back in the closet.' But, I found a nice site, that helped me a lot. I found people who themselves expierienced going back into the closet. I realized, I wasn't alone, and I got my courage up to write this. When I would kiss my boyfriends, I was disgusted, I felt nothing. I thought eventually I would find the right guy, and I would feel like the other girls. Also, to put this out there, because you mentioned it before, in fact, I think boys are attractive. I see a guy and think he's cute. I admit it. Last time I told you, and then chickened out, you mentioned, exact quote: "I don't think you are, because you think boys are cute. What about Robert Pattinson?" You can say you didn't say it, but I remember that day perfectly. Its fresh in my mind, like it happened yesterday. I've cried myself to sleep too much, I've wondered why me too much, I've been depressed and unhappy with myself too much, I've regretted telling you so many different stories of my sexuality too much. I'm done with it. I can't stand having to live with this deep dark secret everyday, I just cant take it anymore. You've said that you think I tell you I'm straight or bisexual because I think its what you want to hear, well, its true. I do think you want me to be straight. I do think you want to not have to believe it. And I'm sorry if thats low of me. But, its what I think. I guess its natural. I'm tired of being scared that your opinion of me will change, or that you wont let me stay the night at my friends houses, because you'll think I'm 'secretly dating' them. You can change your opinion, you can not let me go over friends. You can send me to military school. You can send me away to boarding school. And I'll still be able to live my life proud. I don't think you'd do those things, but just putting it out there. I really hope your opinion of me doesn't change. I hope you don't treat me any different. Remember when me and Taylor were fighting, and you said, "You act like your in love with her. Do you like girls? Because its ok if you do." I acted so shocked, surprised and disgusted by the thought of liking girls. But, also, mom, that was a time I started knowing that I was different, that you'd think of me different. You'd possibly be disappointed in me. You know that girl that I always show you, with the boyish haircuts? If not, I can show you her youtube now. Her channel is TenThingsQueer. I've watched her since the first day I told you I thought I was gay. She's the one who inspired me to tell you that day. I still watch her videos often. I watch coming out stories all the time. I think to the point I cant stand to think anymore. Mom, I may be 14, but I'm a pretty dang proud 14 year old gay kid. And I'm your daughter, I'm the girl I've always been. Its just one more little thing you know about me. I love you. -Skye.
I really don't think you should put the suicide thing in. That'll just freak her out, even with the "it's not". The thought of suicide will still enter her mind as a result, more so than without it in there.
