If I was sexually abused, is this likely to make me attracted to boys?

I am in the same boat. I was molested but it felt natural. SO I have suppressed my sexual orientation and am suffering terribly.

 

I have never been abused and I'm definitely gay. I know a few people that have been. All of them went through a stage of distress and upset about sex! Some of them are bi or gay but the rest are straight,in a ratio typical for the population at large. So I would imagine that it has very little effect on orientation.
But the amount of people I know is too few to be a reliable indicator.
Sorry you went through that.(*hug*)

 

Same here, but the other way around. This sad excuse of a man did some awful things to me when I was little could one of the reasons why I feel, I don't know, disgusted (no offence!) by the thought of having sex with men, at least older ones.

 

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. From a survivor of abuse, I have to ssy, I know how deeply this impacts your emotional well being.

I was abused, and I do believe it has impacted my sexuality- but in the opposite way, I believe it made me retreat into the closet both in terms of my more homosexual side, but even the hetero aspects (I'm bi).

Only you can know how your abuse impacts you. But I don't believe abuse can "make you gay". I truly believe we're born being who we are, and abuse can distort our perception of those true and real parts of us.

Do you have a counsellor? I have spent nearly my whole life in counselling on and off for my abuse. It's so very helpful.

Sending you warmth and support.(&&&)

 

It's important to understand how abusers get into our minds and use emotional manipulation. As a child we don't see it, so we have to reflect upon what happened through the eyes of an adult to understand what was happening back then and to see how powerless we were. Only then can we begin to pick up the pieces and try to move on. As an adult we can see that it wasn't normal, or a sign of love, or something we enjoyed (even if there was a response), or our fault. All of these comments and more like them were lies, intended to deceive, control and take away our innocence. We can't comprehend it as young and manipulated children but we can see it as adults.

I can understand why some people make the link between abuse in childhood and same sex orientation, but there is no evidence that such a link actually exists.. and it has been explored.

It's very hard and it takes a lot of strength and courage to get over the scars of abuse, but when you talk about it you begin to break the chains of manipulation. No longer is it "our secret". It should never have been a secret.

 

Oh boy, this is a tough one with me. I was sexually abused by a peer myself, but it was during experimentation I wanted in my mid teens. Recognizing that my SSA existed before that happened was key to acknowledging who I really was, but left me with some mixed feelings to say the least. While I obviously have more work to do in this area, I will share what I've figured out so far.

I think it comes down to what kind of relationship you want with other guys. If you want nothing more than casual sex with no commitment, its more likely to be abuse related. If it goes past that, where you want emotional intimacy, like holding hands, cuddling, and sweet kissing, then you're more likely the real deal. The scars that left me delayed my coming out by decades, please don't let that happen to you. Seek out a therapist with experience with male sexual abuse, and they will help you find the truth wherever it lies.

I will tell you this much: I don't believe your actual orientation can be changed by abuse.

---------- Post added 1st Dec 2015 at 07:20 PM ----------

Yep, same here because I so strongly associated it with being abused. Getting a therapist really helps with this.

 

There appears to be some correlation between males who suffer sexual abuse as a child and subsequent sexuality but that doesn't mean it's causative and it is not accepted by science to the best of my knowledge. Many many gay guys were not abused.

In the end I feel that the fundamental question is, are you proud of who you are? If this is who you are then in a way how you came to be that way doesn't matter, and please don't think I am trivializing what happened but in the context of your sexuality, it is what it is now so embrace it.

Working with a therapist might really help too.

My heart goes out to you my friend.

 

While this is four and a half years old, it's important to note that sexual abuse has absolutely no bearing on one's sexual orientation. None. Abuse of boys can and does make figuring out his sexual orientation a lot more difficult than it needs to be, but it's not going to turn a straight man gay.

I was raped several times by my cousin when I was 9 or 10, and I had issues more with giving up control and being willing to do certain things in the bedroom. That can be dealt with by having a loving and accepting partner who's patient and understanding.

As for the original question, a small part of me knew I was gay from a very young age. It just wasn't until I was an adolescent that I realized what those feelings were.