Hey guys! So I'll keep this short, as I'm tired as and it's rather late here! In January this year, about two weeks after I moved out of home to travel to the city for Uni, my dad contacts me to tell me he's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The reason I'm posting on here, is I am worried that I am not having a 'normal' reaction to this news. I'll elaborate some more for you, with some included backstory. So firstly, I'm so extremely close to dad, and always have been, that our relationship is almost an anomaly. I spent the last 6 years of my life living with him as a single child to a single parent. I came out to him aages ago, and he was so unbelievably fine with it, that our relationship has only gotten better since. Anyway, here's my problem: I am not really 'that' upset by this news, and all my friends and family around me can't seem to fathom how this is possible. I mean of course I'm not happy about this, and it's certainly not something I'm bottling up and locking away, but I'm really not that distressed. Without going into details about my fathers youth, which was crazy beyond belief, it's safe to say that it isn't far from a miracle that he made it this far. This is largely the reason I 'think' I am not as distraught about all this as I could be, since I feel blessed beyond imagining that I was given the time with him I did, and the quality of such time spent together. My friends, and especially my siblings, are frequently expressing worry that I'm numbing myself to it all, and that one day soon, probably the day of the funeral, I'm going to collapse in a hollow weeping mess of unfathomable depression and misery. I understand why they might think this, as I'm certainly not pertaining any conventions of depression of introversion etc. But that said, I also believe that I'm NOT expressing symptoms of 'numbness' or 'bottling'! I speak about it openly and honestly, never avoid the topic when others bring it up, and obviously I don't come across like I'm happy or unaffected by the situation. I wholeheartedly feel and believe that this is my sincere and honest reaction to my dads death, so I guess my question to you guys is: Do you believe me, or am I just missing something completely? I've had a lot of death in my life, and it never affects me badly, I generally feel more sadness for the people that were close to passed. I've always believed that memory of people, and appreciating their positive influences in your life, is the greatest respect you can show someone, and the fastest path to moving on from and accepting mortality.
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/44814-there-something-wrong-me.html I was the OP poster there. I felt the similar to the way you describe feeling about your father. Not to belittle losing a father which is a feeling I can't imagine. I felt bad feeling that way. Everyone copes differently though. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way at all. It is completely normal. One thing I will add though is that when I got the news that my uncle had actually died, it did all hit me at once and I collapsed in a hollow weeping mess of unfathomable depression and misery. That passed though. Not to say that will happen to you because everyone handles death differently.
Hard to say. What comes to mind is that some people would react to this news badly because they realize there are many things that they are going to lose as a result. They might have regrets or 'unfinished business' with the person who is ill or has died. Perhaps in your case you feel the way you do because there aren't any regrets. As you said, you've had an awesome relationship with your dad. He's been through a lot and has lived a full life. There isn't much, from your perspective, that has been left unsaid or left undone. The reality is that there's not much you can do about your dad's diagnosis. Being positive and upbeat will be the best thing for him and for those around you. I certainly hope that you don't collapse into a sobbing heap at the funeral, but even if you do, I'd say you'll have been better off for having made the most of the time you have left with your dad. I'm really sorry to hear this news though. I've been blessed to have had long relationships with all of my relatives. My grandmother passed away when I was in high school, but the other 3 grandparents lived to see me get married and have at least one daughter. And both my parents are alive and approaching 70. I'll be sad when they pass, and I'll miss them dearly, but I've had to learn to accept the things I can not change, and find the courage to change the things I can. And one of the few things that I can change in this life is my own attitude.
