I'm going to choose my words carefully, so please understand if I am vague... I am extremely confused. I recently accepted the factthat I think I'm gay. I'm actually very sure that I am. I claimed I was bisexual in my early 20s, and ended up married. Now I'm 27 and I just came out to my wife two weeks ago. We decided to stay together for financial reasons, and just have sort-of seperate lives. That said, now this: I've been dating a guy outside of her knowledge for about a week, and after many drinks,we ended up having sex (I know, I know, little fast, but I was drunk and lonely). Now I'm not sure. See, I'm very attracted to both girlsand guys.I can't really picture myselfdoing anything with a girl, however. I've generally fantasized about being with a guy, and have had a 2 month relationship with a guy when I was 22-23. I enjoyed every minute of it.The problemis, only certain roles in the (sexual) relationship interested me. I don't care for others. Now I'mnot sure of mysexuality.I love the feeling of being in a pair of strong manly arms, but I'm not really into the sexual side of things. Or maybe I am. Can anyone help me sort this out?
From what you're saying, it seems fairly certain that you're gay, or at least bi with a leaning toward men. You're saying you can't picture yourself doing anything with a girl, and you enjoyed every minute of your relationship with the guy. What I think i'm hearing you say is that some aspects of sex with guys don't appeal to you. And... that's perfectly normal. Not every gay guy likes to bottom, some don't like to top, and some don't like any sort of anal sex and prefer oral and handjobs and such. But you are probably still dealing with some confusion, maybe a little bit of denial, and trying to come to terms with what actually is for you. Feel free to message me if you feel more comfortable talking about this in a less public setting.
Straights can do manual, oral, or anal. They can strip down or dress up, they can do it here or there, they can do it hard or soft, fast or slow. They can play cops and robbers, prince and princess, intruder and helpless damsel, or not play at all. But if they decide they don't want to do one, or several, or many of the things on the list, that doesn't preclude them from being straight. Being gay is exactly the same. Gay sex is buffet. You can sample everything, or work your way through the list then start again, or decide right off you're going to stick with one or two things and not try the others. But so long as you're doing it with a guy, you're gay. Lex
Well I know I'm not a guy but I can relate in a way. I don't really like doing sexual things with guys and I'm more attracted to girls but there's sexual things I just don't like doing with girls. So you don't have to like everything to be gay or bi.
You sound like a 4 on the kinsey scale. Doing a lot of reading, bi guys often ask "am I gay?" This is more societal imprinting. Other times we're fluid (which I think I am, in that it's constantly in flux). Sometimes it's possible to like a guy more than you like a girl, just like straight guys can like one girl over the other. It's been so confusing that lately I've just been asking myself - can I legitimately live in one side rather than the other? And it's always the same answer: no. That would be impossible. It wouldn't make sense. Just like a gay guy choosing a girl, wouldn't make sense, or a straight guy choosing a guy. It just doesn't make sense. It's not them. So are you gay? I view it this way, what side did you enter the bi equation from? Did you used to mainly fantasize about girls or guys while growing up? Wet dreams and the like. Depending on that you might lean more towards guys or more towards girls. I visualize girls, thus I'm firmly from the straight side of things. Our unconscious usually says a lot. It could also be you like this guy as a person more than your wife. Not the fact that he's a guy. Or you've been away from guys for so long that this is an exciting return to something 'new.' Some bi's can go months, sometimes years, more attracted to one gender than the next. Thus, I think in this case finding that life partner would be best when soul-searching for: who have you always visualized yourself spending your life with? Try to fall more for the person than the body, because that could always change but the essence will remain the same. As said - imagine empty faces, would you still be more attracted to them? ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2011 at 07:56 PM ---------- That could also describe being bi. :dry: If we're with a girl, people think we're straight - guy, people think we're gay. We just are. And mods, if you could merge this with my above post that would be great.
Ever since I started calling myself bisexual, whenever I've daydreamed about my life 10 or 20 years from now, it's always been some nameless random guy that has been my partner. And I've never really put stock in it, because I really felt like I was attracted to my wife (or back then, my fiancé). And I think that's confusing, because how can I be attracted to this girl, and yet always see me with a guy in the future? Honestly, the thought of having sex with 90% of the girls I see does not interest me in the least. There's just one girl, once in a while, that just...blows my mind. I think perhaps I'm confused because maybe I'm just trying to hold onto the bisexual label, it's a lot less scary than saying I'm gay. And, as other people pointed out in other posts, beauty is beauty. If you are male or female, gay or straight, if you see a great looking guy, you are subconsciously going to notice them, you see a great looking girl, you are also going to subconsciously notice them.
I can say ever since I was 10, even after discovering that I liked boys at 15 and that I'm bisexual at 16, it's always been finding my 'Lois Lane.' This hasn't really changed. I don't really understand why the label would be "less scary" since in the end we're all guys who like guys. If anything it's more confusing not being one way since it's like being on a sexual orientation roller coaster designed like 'Space Mountain.' But, the "the thought of having sex with 90% of the girls I see does not interest me" -- I'd say then you're probably a 5. A LOT of girls and A LOT of boys I see - I usually want to fool around with, which can became a hurricane of raw emotions at times, thus having no other label than bi.
I'm still so confused about stuff. Like you, I'm with a girl and in my 20's. I love this chick and were so compatible. Problem is, I'm unsure of my sexuality because of gay fantasy and experiences. When we do have sex, its a big turn on and very pleasurable. I also dig the emotional connection. With a guy I'm super aroused but feel so weird, don't want to kiss or cuddle and I just want to leave. I have been thinking of breaking up with my girl, not to find a man to be with but she deserves a man who is only into her. When I think of the future, I think of being with her or alone with emotionless awkward gay hook-ups on the side.
