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Where do I go from here?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sesshomaru, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. Sesshomaru

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    I'm now facing the newest problem of my life. I have only about 40 days left of high school and I just don't know where to go from here. I don't have a job and so far haven't been able to get hired. Throw in having no work experience and this just keeps going downhill.

    I've been looking forward to my birthday in one month hoping that being 18 would finally change something, anything, about my life. Yet as it gets closer and closer, I can't help but hate the fact that it's coming. I'm going to be 18 and still stuck in this hellhole of a house with no outlets whatsoever. I was hoping to attend college when fall starts but I have absolutely no way to pay the tuition and I know I won't be getting any help from family. I've always looked forward to being 18 and finally being able to move out and see what life is really like without being tied down by my mom, but that just doesn't seem like it's going to happen.

    On top of this my social life still sucks. I don't have a single person I could call a friend. I'm not exactly an outgoing guy and making friends has always been just about impossible for me. People seem to have no problem with noticing me from afar, but everyone seems...I want to say "afraid" to speak to me but I'm not sure if that'd be the best way to describe it. Talking to new people has never been easy for me, and even then it's not like I really have anyone to talk to. Though every now and then I overhear people talking, like yesterday in class, about someone who looks the way I do could actually enjoy reading. I spend all of my break time at school sitting alone at a table reading a book and I just feel like a failure =/ Recently coming to terms that I've been used by one gay guy I randomly met and trusted isn't helping at all either. I just feel like I'm never going to meet anyone and even then I'd have to overcome finally letting my guard down again which seriously frightens me...

    I guess what I'm really trying to say is I've placed all my hopes on believing some crazy miracle would happen when I turn 18 and now that I see nothing is going to happen I just don't know what to do. I've give anything to have that special guy just hold me and tell me everything will be okay, or even just friends. I've grown up living a life without ever experiencing any type of love, even from family, and it's just really made me depressed to the point where I can't figure out why I'm still living :icon_sad:
     
    #1 Sesshomaru, Apr 19, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2011
  2. RedState

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    Well, I don't think there is a person (gay or straight) on the planet that has not had the thought of "will it always be like this?"...and it is a big mistake to think that it will. In the grand scheme of things, the high school years are really a very small part of your total life.

    But, nothing is going to change unless you take the initiative to make it happen...as difficult as that sounds sometimes.

    Like with college, have you looked at other financing? A lot of community colleges and universities have financial aid, have you looked at seeing if you might qualify for it? I don't know what your grades are (mine were not the best in high school lol) but have you looked at seeing if you would qualify for any scholarships?

    In regards to a job, where have you looked? A job would be good for you...not only will it give you a little extra cash but it will also give you the opportunity to meet new people.

    It sucks that you got burned by that one person, but you should not let that discourage you from seeking another friendship or relationship...any relationship that anyone enters into they are taking a risk of getting hurt...sometimes you do, and it hurts...but in the end you just have to pick yourself up, dust off, and keep on walking.

    Maybe see if there is a gay youth organization where you live..that maybe a start and it maybe a little easier to forge those new friendships with people that have the same struggles and thoughts that you do. Just a thought. Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
    #2 RedState, Apr 19, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2011
  3. mnguy

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    Hey man, I'm sorry you're feeling so down :confused:

    Is there any way you can get student loans for college? That's how I was able to go. I also worked while in college and full time during summers. There has to be some type of job you can get. Maybe you won't get a great job right away, but you might have a better chance of getting a job you like once you have some job experience.

    I'm thinking back to when I was your age and I was feeling a lot of what you are. Going to college helped me start a new life, so to speak, and meet some good friends, however, I didn't yet realize I was gay. You have at least one thing that I hope makes your life easier; you know you're gay. Sexuality isn't the most important thing in our lives, but at least you know you like guys and you won't be confounded about why you're not into girls in the coming years.

    Best of luck and happiness (*hug*)
     
  4. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Ya, it sucks when our expectations don't match the reality. Just know that its not the end :slight_smile: Things will not happen just because and we have to make them happen.

    As far as work goes it should get easier after you turn 18. Many places don't like to hire younger people because they have to worry bout child labor laws and things like that so it just makes more sense to hire someone over 18.

    Also, if you want to put more experience on your resume you can do volunteer work. It looks good on your resume and there are skills that you can pick up while you volunteer that can be used at a job. You will also expand your network and the chances of finding a job if you tell people you need one.

    As far as your social life you are going to have to push yourself more. Simple things like popping a conversation with someone you find interesting on EC can help as practice. Then you can start small conversations with strangers. Volunteering can also help you with this.

    Those are just ideas, but I hope it helps somewhat. Keep at it and you'll get there :slight_smile:
     
  5. Sesshomaru

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    Is there maybe an easy way to start a conversation with a stranger? Most of the kids at my school are like segregated in their own little cliques which makes it seem like it'd be the most awkward thing ever to just start a conversation at a table full of people that I don't know.

    As for the job, are there possibly any places known for hiring people under 18? I mean I turn 18 next month but it wouldn't hurt to find a job before then.
     
  6. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    The easiest way to open a conversation is with a smile and a "hi." Really, thats all it takes to let people know that you are interested in talking if they want to. When you are sitting in class you could just say hi to the person next to you. Introduce yourself, nothing formal and just be friendly. Little by little people will notice.

    Have you tried joining any clubs or activities? Again, volunteering is REALLY good practice for this. You can make a fool of yourself or whatever and it doesn't matter because you won't ever see them again. Same works with EC :slight_smile:

    As far as the job goes I would say just wait. Its only a month either way, so you should be good. I know, it sucks, but just a month :slight_smile:
     
  7. Sesshomaru

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    I know this might sound like I'm just turning down any ideas (and I'm sorry if it does) but in all 6 of the classes I have, there's only 1 in which I sit near someone else and even then it's a girl that spends most of class talking with the guy on the other side of her about gangs and sex =/ Sorta not the kind of crowd I'd want to get involved in.

    By clubs/activities what would you mean? The only thing that comes to my mind is a GSA but my school unfortunately doesn't have one. I don't know how to go about finding out if there's maybe one run by the city or something either.
     
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    You go for it. I'm just throwing ideas and you do what you think works for you :slight_smile: Next year, if you can choose where you sit, you could challenge yourself and sit next to someone new.

    And it can be anything. Whatever you enjoy doing or think you might enjoy doing. Bible study, chess club, gamer club, GSA, sports umm anything. Again, and I will sound like a broken record, VOLUNTEER your time at some organization! haha Trust me, its a lot of fun.

    Also, if you want to join a GSA sort of thing just search online. You could also search for a PFLAG near you or even search for a school near you that has a GSA. Even colleges. I can guarantee you that if you talk to the person in charge they won't mind if you join them :slight_smile:
     
  9. Sesshomaru

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    Ah I didn't know exactly how being in a GSA would work outside of the home school it's stationed at. I know my former high school that I went to had one but I transferred from there last year and they hold their meetings during the school lunch.

    Is there a website or anything that might list local volunteer organizations? I know there was some sort of community clean-up held a while back in the area I live in but I haven't seen or heard of anything since then.
     
  10. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Well, I'm not entirely sure how they work everywhere, but around here GSAs tend to welcome anyone. What you can do is get in contact with the president of the GSA and ask him. You can also talk to their advisor and see if you can come. We actually have 2 high school kids that come to our college GSA because their high school doesn't have one.

    Not that I know of, but they are pretty much everywhere. Talk to your school counselor and they should be able to give you a local list of places where you can volunteer. The usual places where you can volunteer are churches, libraries, non-profit organizations (my fav), hospitals, shelters and things like that.