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Many question!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Samii, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. Samii

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    Hello! I am new person here. Please excuse poor English.
    I am having many strange question and difficult situation. Please have patience. It is hard to be saying in all language!
    First I am telling why so difficult. I am member in group every person is knowing in many country. We are singer and dancer. All member in group are very good friend many year. But I am having best friend in group. Always together. Always friend. I am liking friend this way for very long. I am never liking other man this way. Only Shido. I am having girl in past. But no love. Only love Shido. This is very difficult. But I can not be changing who I love. I am feeling this way if he is boy or girl.
    In country I am from man loving other man is very different. This is in book and manga and movie. Very popular thing. Company we are working for is saying for many year to be acting this way with other member. Hug and kiss as friend. Hold hand. Some time love joke. All person is thinking this is cute. But not OK to like other man in truth.
    Shido is always making love joke. Always hug and kiss all member. But this is different with me. Many year in past he is touching bum and sensitive part in joke. All person is thinking this is funny. I am thinking this is funny. But soon he is doing this thing when it is only other member together. All member is thinking this is funny. But soon he is doing this when it is only he and me. This is always joke with Shido. This is person Shido is being always. We are being together for 9 year. But I am liking Shido this way for 8 year. He is not knowing this. But he is very confusing! I am always thinking is he liking me this way?
    Shido and me always together. Together in work. Together all time. He is knowing me more than all person. I am knowing him more than all person. But I am not knowing his feeling. I am never saying my feeling.
    Many month ago he is telling me he is liking girl from internet. I am telling him to tell her feeling but he is not wanting. Can be very shy person! I am telling girl his feeling and she is now girl friend with him. But he is saying now this is mistake. He is not liking her this way.
    Three month ago he is telling me very painful thing. Telling me there is person in past when very young who is touching him wrongly. In past this person is hitting him and making him do many bad thing. This is very painful thing to be knowing. I am thinking it is bad to be having feeling for Shido because he is having this pain in past. This is making situation more difficult.
    Shido is very delicate person. Very easy hurt person. I am not wanting to be hurting Shido. But he is very confusing! I am wanting to be good friend to Shido but can not stop feeling for Shido. I am not knowing what I should do.
    I am sorry for many difficult question and long telling. Please give advices! Arigatou gozaimasu.
     
  2. Louise

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    Gosh what a difficult and heart renching story. I feel your dilema and confusion.

    From what you say I think that your friend likes you in a homosexual way and uses the fact that it is acceptable for him to touch you, hug you and kiss you as an excuse to do so without having to declare his attraction to you.

    If he seeks you out and does this when you are alone it is probably because he doesn't have the courage to say the words out loud for fear of losing your friendship and being rejected.

    Maybe it is time for you to talk honestly, tell him your feelings for him. You could tell him that even if he doesn't feel the same way it doesn't matter you still want to keep him as a friend but I am pretty sur that he does like you in the way you want to be liked.

    It is easy for me to say but you really do need to find the courage to talk to your friend, you are both going round in circles, being unhappy and wasting time.

    Good luck :icon_bigg
     
  3. Vampyrecat

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    Konichiwa Samii!
    Watashi o namae wa Tess desu. Hajimemashite.
    Now I will talk in egoh (English) because I don't know how to phrase the rest of my Nihongo.
    Firstly, welcome to EC, it's lovely to meet you and I hope you enjoy it here. We are a very welcoming group of people, and you can talk to anyone anytime.

    About your friend Shido, I think maybe you should try talking to him. You say you have been friends a long time but have never talked about what you are feeling. I think you need to start. There is no time like the present to start talking about your feelings. You do not have to say at the start that you like him as more then a friend. Wait until you think you are both more comfortable about your feelings.

    I have no idea what Shido should do about his internet girlfriend, but in experiences with friends, I think he may have to rethink what he's doing.

    Whatever this person has done to Shido in the past, it is definitely not acceptable for that person to hit him or make him do bad things. It is never ok for anyone to hurt anyone physically or mentally.

    I do not think you will hurt Shido at all if you stay honest and true to him and yourself. I understand you don't want to hurt him more, but if you stay silent about your feelings for too long he may find out and be hurt that you did not feel you could tell him earlier. I know the Yaoi cartoons can't make things any easier, and from what you said he has been doing to you as a joke, I think it may be possible that he likes you too.

    I really hope I have managed to help you and if you ever want to talk more, feel free to PM me at anytime. I will reply to your message as soon as possible. :slight_smile:
    (*hug*) welcome to EC
     
  4. Samii

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    Thank you very much both person for reply!
    This is very delicate because I am not wanting to hurt trust Shido is having for me. He is always seeming happy person. But he is sad person. No person is knowing this.
    He is always having bad dream. Troubles with sleeping. Not liking other person being to close with him. But this is different with me. He is sleeping many hour when I am with him. He is OK with me touching.
    Shido is very difficult with feeling. Always hide feeling. Always saying he is not comfortable with feeling. If person is asking question of feeling he is making joke. Changing talk to some other thing.
    I am not knowing how to be telling him my feeling. I am not wanting to be scaring him.
     
  5. beckyg

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    Samii .......... I think you should try to get Shido to seek counseling for his abusive past. It sounds like he really needs to feel peace about this before he can be in a successful relationship. Like the others, I believe Shido really does have feelings for you. I understand you not wanting to scare him but I don't think you will do that. I think Shido has come to depend on you and your friendship very much and nothing you say to him will change that. Good luck!
     
  6. Samii

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    Thank you for advices Becky-san! We are talking of him seeing some person in past. But this is very difficult. No person can be knowing this thing about him. If it is being known by many person this is doing much damage to career! He is not wanting to talk with counselor. He is member in internet group for victim of abuse. This is all he is agreeing with me.
     
  7. Ty

    Ty Guest

    If you take him to a phycologist, they have to keep shido's secrect. it would be best the best thing for shiido.
    Please PM me if you want to talk, we would all be more than happy to help.

    Please keep us informed on whats happening.

    Goodluck
     
  8. Samii

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    This is not same with secret for Shido. To many person wanting to know all secret of Shido. Many time in past doctor counselor teacher giving secret of many singer in Japan. This is to much risk for Shido.
    If any person is fixing problem alone it is Shido! But he is not alone. Has many friend. Has many person on internet who are knowing of past and having knowledge in problem.
    Thank you all for concerning! He is being very much better then he is being many year ago. Very much change. It is slow path ne? Maybe he is allowing me walk path together in future.
     
  9. SpikySpice

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    From what I see, Shido is a man who dosent likes to show his feelings to anybody, he just wants to keep things to himself. BUT you are special because you are the only one who he can trust and he wanst feelings from you

    You dont have to ttell him the truth taht you like/love him, but just be his friend and support him, because from what you say, you're the only oen who can come close to him, he dosnt wnat help from anyone else.

    What you do is to show him that you care, I thinkhe is this way because he was sexually abused whne younger,a nd it was a horrible time for him. So you just be honest with him, be his bestfriend, and liek everyone said above , you won't hurt him, because he likes you too.

    Sometimes somebody needs a friend than a boyfriend or girlfriend, so be his spirital friend.

    For himself, to make him feel better, Shido needs to let his feelinsg and emotions be shown, keeping them inside will make his heart heavy
     
    #9 SpikySpice, Nov 2, 2007
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2007