Ok so here's the story. I grew up in a very conservative home on a dairy farm. My Dad's Parents were farmers and my mother's parents own a large timber company. Both sets of grandparents are very conservative and I draw financial support from my mothers side as they are wealthy, loving and generous with me as I go through school. That said I do not think I would ever be able to come out to my grandparents, they are also very religious and I think it would crush them to know. I came out to a small group of friends this last Monday, my 21st birthday, as well as my older, married, sister. I am flying home this weekend for Easter and will be there Friday night through Monday night. I plan to tell my parents then. My Parents are religious and are morally opposed to homosexuality. On the plus side I was home for a few days about a month ago and after I left my mother asked my sister if she thought I was gay. I did try to drop a few hints then but nothing major. I just don't know how they will respond. I've heard that most parents go through a period of shock and denial. How long did it take for you're relationship to restabalize after telling your parents?
Hi there and welcome to EC I'm definitly not the most experienced person about coming out, and I am sure other and more helpful people are going to answer your questions but there is a thing I have noticed since I am on EC : sometimes people who are homophobic change completly when one of their loved ones come out to them. Homophobia usualy comes from ignorance and many people who are homophobic don't know a single gay person. When someone they love come out to them, "gay people" are not anymore this anonymous crowd it is easy to blame, they suddenly take the face of someone you cherish, and it is much more difficult to blindly hate someone you raised. Of course, that doesn't mean it is easy or that acceptance comes in one night, but hopefully you're parents are going to be ok in the end. Here is a link to a PFLAG booklet that can be helpful for them when you'll come out. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf Good luck, and let us know how it goes, Cécile
Eleanor (as usual) is absolutely right on this one. I think Homophobia does not only develop from complete ignorance but also lack of exposure (Which would leave to ignorance but shush I'm going somwhere with this). My mom was a country, as country, could be kind of woman. But I think that as she started to meet gay people she became a little more comfortable with them. Then when I came out...at first where there was devestation...when she realized the damage that her ignorance was causing between the relationship of her and her (ugh baby boy) she made the effort to try and become more accepting of my homosexuality. Although, I still don't feel comfortable ever bringing anyone home for my parents to meet, I feel better aboot it then I had in the past. And honestly, part of the issue is on my side in which often things in life have two side. The other big part for my own mother was not ignorance...but fear. Thats an important thing in mind. My mom had all these ideas of AIDs, Drugs, Sexual promosucity, and Drag Queens...She swore I was going to get myself killed by being gay and probobly while wearing woman's undergamets. . Furthermore, I think it's easy to look at people and automatically assume they are homophobic because of how they act in public. But if your mother is asking these questions then it means that she is probobly concerned for you. Another part about coming out was when my Mom realized I had hidden something so important about my life away from her. She put a lot of blame on herself for this reason. The sooner you tell her the worse the damage will be. But at the same time, don't tell her until you are absolutely ready to defend yourself when the concern for your well being comes.
Every family is different, so hard to give any timeframe here. If it's any consolation, it does appear that parents TEND to be more accepting than we think (or fear) that they will be. This isn't to say all parents are accepting, but we do tend to fear the worst, and it's often that they take the news a bit better than we're expecting, on the average. It sounds like you're set to go on this, and it sounds like you've got your sister in your corner, so I'd say just go for it. Prepare to answer some dumb questions ("Are you sure?" "Have you tried girls?"), and do your best to remain calm and factual when answering them. And prepare to give them space to deal with it. Lex
