So after I came out to one of my friends, who's a girl, as bisexual, I began to notice from our conversations and the way she phrased certains things that she seemed to consider me completely gay, not bi. I know I'm only out to a few people but I was wondering about any other guys' experiences with this. Have you felt or experienced that coming out as bi, particularly to girls, causes them to just write you off as gay? One don't know if this was just one instance, but it has been causing some conflict in me since even though I want to explore the guy avenue more, I still want to remain open to possibly finding a great girl.
I've seen this happen before, and it fixed itself over time when her friends kept track of her love life and realised that she actually was bi not gay. Not the best way to do it, but it works.
i am bi myself and most of my friends know, but girls in my town and school seem more accepting than other people, don't know why most likely they have experimented with other girls before. but yes there are some girls that i have told, have tell me you can't be bi you can only be gay or straight. i just ignore those people and look for the people who accept me to help me out.
Dude! Yes! All of my friends that are girls just treat me as if I'm gay- they even said I was their gay friend >< It's especially weird because I'm actually dating a girl right now. I think they think I'm just going through a phase though or something but it's really been bothering me. And my gf finds it weird when my friends think I'm gay too and I think it makes her even more uncomfortable with the bi thing than she already was. And it's weird cuz they believe that bisexuality exists but I guess in their minds they have to categorize me as one or another and can't get around the fact that I can like both.
It's a common thing, from what I've noticed. You might correct them, but it's probably best to do it with a bit of sense of humor. If somebody calls you "their gay friend", you might say "Well, I'm bi, so I guess I can be half of a gay friend" or "I can be your not-straight friend - is that good enough?" If somebody said "That just means gay, right?", you might say "it combines all the stigma of being gay, with all the boringness of being straight". (Or, if you wanted to make it more positive, "it combines all the fabulousness of being gay, with all the opportunities of being straight". Or however you want to play it. ) Having "fun" with your answers seems to get the point across without making you sound petulant or snippy. Lex
Haha wow yes that happened to me! The first girl I came out to was actually really accepting though, and she said she knew it all along, but still treated the same way. The next girls I told acted as if I could be their gay friend and asked me to go shopping and bake with them and stuff...haha, I mean, I didn't mind, and I kinda laughed it off. And then when I started going out with my current girlfriend, a lot of people had presumed I was gay and were very confused. I just wonder if it'll cut me off from potentials in the future...yowch, now I see that bisexualism is really misunderstood.
I think most straight people only see either straight or gay. For some reason they don't see people being bisexual and liking both sexes.
It's strange though, because, I mean, I can see why it would be hard for some people to understand, but at the same time, I DON'T understand what is so hard to understand about bisexuality....
Totally. It's annoying. Not that there is nothing wrong with being just gay or straight but what's annoying is that people are so narrow minded about bisexuality. I especially hate when the gay people themselves say "oh there's no such thing, they're just confused/whores" It's like, what makes them any different from the straight people who say homosexuality is a choice?
A lot of gay people see it this way too. Luckily this forum has a lot more educated people in that respect.
I get the opposite reaction actually. Because I am very "straight acting" (whatever that means) a lot of my cousins, male and female forget that I actually am interested in and dating guys. When ever I would talk about my ex bf, they all forget that its a dude i was dating.
Fact is, a lot of people think guys who say they're bi are on the way to gayville. I know it's a thing that sucks to hear, but so many people feel this way, even in the gay community.
The only trouble I've had - on numerous occasions - of people accepting me as being bi is from gay people.
Yeah. and it is annoying. While coming out i made sure i said "i am NOT gay, i am BISEXUAL, This means i like both genders." One of my friends was doubting i was Bisexual, when i came out it was okay we both laughed. But late she came to me and said "But..don't you like guys?" I was bit shocked (not really annoyed) because i though she knew i was BI and not GAY, and thnen i replied: "Holy crap No, i like both genders!" And people still think i'm gay....Meh. Well, I'm totally "straigh acting" so some people get confused most times. I often feel kind of guilty/stupid for talking about boobs and girls to my guy friends because i often think some of them may think i like guy ONLY ... Because of the massive amount of people thinking that. By the way, thanks for the tips Lex, i`ll use these from now =]
>>>A lot of gay people see it this way too. I'd say it's actually MORE common among gays than straights, especially the older ones. Sadly, for many of us older gays, "bisexual" translates to "making progress but hasn't admitted he's (or she's) fully gay yet". Maybe because many of us have known who have gone along that path. They admit they're "bisexual" first, and then sometime down the road, they eventually admit they're not bisexual - they're actually gay. I'd like to think I've been free of this prejudice - I think everybody who has told me they're bisexual, I've believed them - but I may have it, too. Lex
