I've been dating this guy for nearly 3 months and I like him a lot. I know it's kind of soon to worry about this, but he's a junior in high school, and will be a senior net year. He keeps leaving with his parents looking at colleges out of state. And his first choice, which is about 1 hour 1/2 away, he doesn't think he can get into. And even then he said it's probably too far and I won't get to see him much.... So I'm assuming we're going to be done when he leaves for college. What should I do? Should I risk continuing dating him and falling for him even more? Or should I end things while I'm ahead. It might seem silly to worry about it this far in advanced, but, when I'm dating I like to feel like it will last forever (even if it won't), but this time it's for sure not going to work one year from now. It's really killing me inside. I feel like I can't be happy in a relationship with him if I know he is going to leave me in a year for sure. =/ and he's more realistic. He doesn't tell me "well we can make it work!" or w/e... cus it probably wouldn't. It makes me upset a lot and I don't feel like either of us can get as close as we'd like? idk.
You need to ask him where he sees this going and how much he wants it to work. I live in uk my bf lives in Canada and we've been together over a year. Your only going to be about hour half away? There's weekends and holidays and in week you can email and phone and skype.
Ya I know I was a bit confused by why 1 1/2 hrs would be a huge deal. But that's the phrase I've been looking for "it's going to go nowhere" if he's just going to be moving sometime. And he says he dates me cus I make him happy and he likes me a lot and stuff but I can't really date someone when I can't dream of a future together and I know it's only temporary...
Well, let's move ahead a bit. Let's say he goes to college in another state. Where will you be at that time? Are you going to college? Would you be interested in moving to another state? Lex
Well, it really is up to you, but I would say stay with him and enjoy your time together. You still have a whole year of being together and anything can happen. I don't really know the answer, but I'll try to give you some food for thought I see it like something similar to death. Most of us just live life with the assumption that we will grow old. What happens if someone tells you exactly when you will die? Would you kill yourself before it happens or enjoy your life while you still can? There isn't a wrong answer, but just something to think about. Situations like that suck, but you can bet its not going to be your last time you experience it. I would say do what feels right and learn from the outcome This is also one of my favorite lines from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The whole movies is about them two dealing with the inevitable brake up. Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon. Joel: I know. Clementine: What do we do? Joel: Enjoy it. I'm all over the place, but threads like this just make me think. Hope you don't mind
Lex - I would normally have been completely 2 years in community college and ready to transfer when he is. But, since I'm trying to go for a biology major currently I think it'll take me 3-4 years total... =/ since I'm already behind!! I have so much to take! Anyways, I've been googling to see what others have said... and I would maybe regret moving away if we were to break up or something. He's living his own life, I should live my own life too I guess. And TheEdend I guess I can see where that comes from. But when you die that's it! But when you date someone for over a year and they leave I can imagine it's heartbreaking! I could save myself from that. idk. =/
This isn't the most pleasant thing to say (or to hear) but I'll say it anyway: It is pretty rare for high school relationships to survive the shift to college. In part because people change pretty dramatically in their freshman year of college, and in part because it becomes really difficult for the person in college to be making all new friends and social circles, and having a boyfriend who is somewhere else and not sharing any (or few) of those interactions. So, according to some study I read years back, something like 80% or more of the relationships end up ending within 2 to 4 months of one of the parties starting college (slightly less if the college is in the hometown, but still surprisingly high even if both parties attend the same college.) So I'm not suggesting you shouldn't try to continue things, but I am suggesting that it would probably be unwise to make major life decisions (what school to attend, where to live) based *primarily* on this relationship. If you can come up with a plan that is ideal or near-ideal for you that also involves being close to where he is, then that's worth considering... but if you will end up sacrificing things that are important to you and your future, then I would suggest going more slowly, letting him get started in school and continuing the relationship at a distance and seeing how it works out. Or, and the painful option that many people choose, is to recognize in advance that perhaps you should let the relationship end when he goes off to school. I hope that's helpful.
some people may be able to "enjoy the moment" and be happy with the time they have together. I need to know that I'm investing in something other than hurt feelings. Would you be willing to live in the moment and maybe experience some good times or would it be too hard knowing that it will end? You have a bird in the hand right now...
I'm experiencing something pretty similar at the moment. My boyfriend and I think we'll break up at some point, maybe within the next year, for various reasons, including school. And several weeks ago we had a serious conversation about possibly just dissolving the relationship now to save possible greater future heartache. We've been together for more than a year now as each other's first romantic partners, and so it was just way too hard to break off. I was the one to initiate discussion for doing so in the first place because like you I want to feel like we'll last forever, and he wasn't giving me any of those convicted "we'll make it work" pep talks either. So we broke up for maybe like 6 hours but couldn't stand it and got back together afterwards, hehe. I pleaded him to tell me that he'd try to make it work for as long as possible, and not to close off the idea of possibly being life-long partners. He did just this, but I guess deep down inside I still feel like probably it won't last, and it hurts. I tend to be the idealist-romantic between us, and he the more realistic/pragmatic one. So internally I compromise to just enjoy what time we have left together, however still clinging to the idea that in the span of the remaining year we have together, good things will happen that will further solidify both our relationship now and our commitment to make it work in the future. I guess only time will tell, and so better enjoy it now than worry about something that hasn't happened yet, if ever it will, though likely. Sigh...it's hard, I know.
Well kinda talked to him last night, a bit. I mostly cried. He told me how great I was and how he loved being my boyfriend and stuff. But he also said things like we're both still young, he's only 17, and there's lots of guys in our future, and he still doesn't know what he wants. I told him I don't want other guys... He said "well, who knows, maybe our paths will cross in the future and we'll end up together." That's such a slim chance. I know he'll meet other people. I might meet someone else. And PickOne, I never got that pep talk either. I know it might not be true, but I wonder why he doesn't want to try to make it work. I wonder if he doesn't like me enough. And, I know that, Chip, I guess. I just wish he didn't have to leave. Life's such a bitch....
Here's where you start getting some of that life experience that has made us old folks so wise (and occasionally jaded). Buck up. Lex
Yea I know. I can't take this "life experience" though. I think I'm going to go insane. It's not just this issue, but I think I have other issues. I need a psychologist again.
