I am discovering my sexuality, I believe I am bisexual. I want to come out to someone, I know a fellow bisexual person who recently came out a couple weeks ago but I'm not a really close friend to her so I don't know if I feel close enough to let her know a big secret or part of me. I want to come out to my very straight best friend but I'm worried she will take it the wrong way and will stop being friends with me thinking I'll hit on her or something. My mom is very open person and understood me a year ago when I told her I wanted to change religions. But telling your mother that you may be bi or even a lesbian is a big shock to them I bet and since I'm in the process of discovering I don't know if I should tell her. I really want to reveal this to someone close to me, I need to talk about it, for someone I know to understand me but it's getting really hard to figure out who, if anyone, I should tell. Anyone have an advice one how I should go about solving this problem?
First of all, welcome to the forums. I'm sure you will find yourself being very happy to find this place, as I was not long ago. Let me just say that I am bisexual. In terms of coming out to someone, I'm sure you know it's a tricky process, and there's no hiding that it's nerve-wracking. I can give some advice though. The first person you tell should really be someone you know you can trust with anything. If it will make you feel more comfortable, you can try and find out their views on homosexuality or bisexuality through conversation, if you can find any interesting topics in the news or recent issues that you think your friend might find interesting. I know that not everyone talks about that kind of thing, but being able to gauge what my friends thought of homosexuality (if not bisexuality) was helpful to me. Another thing you can do is be very confident in how you want to explain it to them. Plan out in your head how you think the conversation might go, or at least how you want to open the conversation and come out to whoever you chose to come out to. The next bit is some personal experience that I can't say applies to everyone (technically the information above doesn't apply to everyone, but it is a bit more general). In my experience, at least with the people I am around most of the time, the two stereotypes of a bisexual person are A) They are just confused/going through a phase, and B) They want to (for lack of a less crude phrase) "get into everyone's pants." Being bisexual, I know this is not at all true, so I found the best way for me to explain it to those I came out to was to explain my sexuality first, and then label it bisexuality. I do recall the words I used to describe it, however I think you should really formulate your definition of your sexuality by yourself, since it can vary for everyone. Some of this was personal opinion (namely the last bit), some of it I have read elsewhere. I hope at least part of what I have said was helpful to you.
Thanks for the help, I'm glad I found these forums too, they have been useful. The advice you gave, especially the last part about defining my own sexuality in words first was a great idea. I came out to a my best friend and she was totally cool with it which eased a good deal of weight off my shoulders. I had an idea of what she would think because she was with me when another girl came out to us and she was fine then. Your advice was great, Thanks again.
I'm glad you found my advice helpful, and I'm especially glad you had such a positive experience coming out to your friend. Congratulations on your first coming out. :biggrin:
Well I ran into another problem, I've been wanting to come out to my mom, whom is accepting but i thought I should come out to my brother first. The thing is he is really against either of us being bi or homosexual. I was watching Rent with him the other day and mentioned that mom would be very accepting if either of us were gay. He replied with "well neither of us are". I didnt say anything to that, the other day he told me after I made a comment that I didnt like guys very much he said "your not gay" quite sternly. I know he is very against the fact and im not quite sure why. He was very mad when I changed religions, i think he doesnt want me to anything other than a conservative straight christian, which im not. Does anyone have any advice about how to approach this situation? I know I won't change his views, but I just want him to accept me.
The first piece of advice I can give is you should really go where you can get support. If you are fairly confident your mom will support you, maybe you should come out to her first. Not only will she then support you as you come out to your brother, but since she knows your brother very well (I would assume) then she may be able to help with his unaccepting attitude. Also, the way he is acting is his current opinion, and that seems to be closed minded, since he wants you to be a, "conservative straight christian." Now, I can't say this for sure since I don't know him, but he may have a very fixed image of who you are and who you will become. This would be a bad thing. You should be you, not whoever he projects you to be. Still, if you can convince him to change this idea he has of who you are, he may come to accept you with time. I cannot give any of this advice 100% for sure, which is why it is advice. The only thing that I can advise strongly is to come out to your mom first, and she may be able to support you as you come out to your brother. I hope some of this is helpful.
Yea I think I'll do that, come out to my mom. It will take a longer time to grow up the courage and feel ready to come out to her but I know when I do it will be a lot better. I will come out to her sooner or later and not worry about my brother until then. Thanks a lot.
