I went to the doctor today, I'm not entirely sure why though. Just yesterday mum told me I had an appointment, to do something about my 'anxiety'. I honestly don't think I'm more 'anxious' than I need to be, if at all. My gp referred me to a psychologist, and now I'm being sent to see a psychologist, against my will, for a problem that doesn't exist. Thank god I won't be going for a few weeks. I don't know how to get mum to understand that I don't want to go and see this person, she just doesn't listen. Even today, I said over and over that I didn't want to go to the doctor, but she wouldn't listen at all. I can't stand doing things unless I need to, and I can't talk to people about myself or my problems, so even if I did have an 'anxiety problem', I wouldn't be able to talk to the psychologist about it, making it a huge waste of everyone's time. I'm also extremely skeptical that this person could help me with what little 'anxiety' I do have, let alone if I had a 'problem'. Medicine is done with drugs and operations and dressings and sutures. Doctors, nurses and surgeons fix things by actually doing something about the problem, a psychologist just talks. You can't build a house by talking at a pile of bricks, so why should you be able to fix a medical problem by talking? It's ridiculous. Sure, a psychologist can diagnose a problem, but so can any other doctor. The difference is, a real doctor actually DOES something about the issue. I'm just rambling now, so I'll get back to the issue at hand. I've been roped into seeing someone I don't want to go and see, about a problem I genuinely don't think exists. What can I do to get it through mum's thick head that I don't want to go?
I say talk to the Psychologist. You may think "Nothings wrong" and stuff like that, but if you talk to him, and show him nothing's wrong, you wont need to go back sooner or later. Aside from that, he/she can give you a lot of tips to cope with feelings and all that jazz. It's not that bad, really. Doctors and Psychologists are different. Yeah, Doctors do something, so do Psychologist. Psychologists talk to you, and you can express your feelings, and learn to cope with things, and learn on what to do to help yourself get better at coping with problems and all that. Doctors can tell you what's wrong and give you drugs to fix it and help it. Doctors don't care about your feelings like Psychologist do.
My parents sent me to a psychologist at 16. It was around the time I realized that I was perma-gay and I was really confused and depressed at the time. Anyways, I must have been acting really weird, because I didnt even ask for the appointment, my parents just made it and told me I was going. It was terrible. First off, the psychologist was super gay. This made me hate him immediately - I knew I was gay and the fact that he was this 30-something openly gay guy made me even more depressed and anxious. I was really immature and I hated being gay - I literally thought I had no future. I had serious issues to work through. Anyways, I regret not continuing to go. I had a chance to work through my issues and I rejected it.
I'd cancel the appointment, if at all possible. It's not that I don't see you hypothetically getting help from a psychologist. But right now, 1. you don't believe there's a problem, 2. you don't believe therapy helps in any way, and 3. you've already drawn lines with the therapist in an adversarial position. As such, you'll probably spend at least six months keeping your walls up in front of the psychologist, which will be sufficient to keep anything from happening. If you can't get your mother to cancel the appointment, I'd go ahead and go. And when you first walk in, tell the therapist "Seeing you wasn't my idea. I don't feel I have any problems that you can help with, I don't believe you can help me in any way, and I'm not interested in discussing anything about myself with you. I was unable to convince my mother that this wasn't something I wanted to do, and so I felt I had to at least come in and explain the situation to you. But I don't want to waste your time, my time, and our money, so I'd like to simply end things now." Lex
I'm going to take a different approach. If your mom felt that you need a referral, and the GP agreed, there's probably something to it. One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge that we might have a problem for which we need psychological help, because at least for some of us, it makes us feel less than completely self-sufficient, or weak, or something. You start out the message by saying that you have no anxiety, but then later in the message talk about "what little anxiety you have." So clearly there's some conflict in your mind about whether there's a problem. And my guess is that if two people, one of whom is highly qualified in medicine, says you do... there probably is. And you acknowledge that there might be some problem. People, particularly with mental issues, tend to deny the problems, or their severity. Finally, don't you think it's a little arrogant to presume that you know more than the entire field of medicine, psychiatry, and psychology about what does or does not help a given diagnosis? Are you really going to place yourself above the field of psychology and argue that all of them are charlatans and frauds, because they can't possibly do any good since all they do is talk? Because by saying what you said, that's essentially what you're doing. For your information, there is evidence that talk therapy, over time, creates the same biochemical changes that drug therapy in people with depression and certain other illnesses. And while there are drugs for anxiety, those are band-aids. They don't get at and actually solve the underlying issue that is causing the anxiety. The only effective way of doing that is through talk therapy. We learn by talking and listening. We develop a concept of the world, of people, of what is safe and unsafe by talking and listening and reading and watching. And we establish and develop patterns in our mind, what psychologists call 'schemas' about how the world, and the people in it, operate. Anxiety develops, at least to some extent, when some of the schemas (established through talking and listening) are faulty. So if think about it, it's equally ridiculous to imply that cutting out an organ, or prescribing a drug, or any of the things that doctors do, can fix a problem that arises as a result of faulty perceptions or wrongly-built schemas. You are being given an opportunity that hundreds of EC readers would give anything to have... the chance to work with a therapist and explore your issues and become stronger and healthier emotionally, and work through whatever issues you have. Every gay teen would benefit from therapy. You're being offered it for free. Why on earth would you resist taking advantage of a valuable and expensive gift being offered to you? Are you really so arrogant as to believe that you have all the answers?
I guess I should point out that I agree with Chip's assessment of therapy in general. But in order for therapy to have any effect, the patient needs to be a willing participant. If s/he isn't, it's like getting a drug prescription, but then throwing the pills away. At that point, it's a waste of time and energy. I didn't suggest the OP forgo therapy because I don't think therapy can help people. I suggested forgoing it because I don't think therapy can help people who have determined that it will not help. And I feel the OP is firmly in that camp. Lex
When I read this... I thought to myself, there's someone who would benefit from talking to a therapist of some kind. :icon_wink I agree with Les - that if you're going to maintain this attitude there's little point in going. But I agree with Chip that you aren't recognizing the potential benefits of working with a professional. What, exactly, do you think the harm would be in going? Don't you think you should learn how to talk to other people about your problems? That is a critical life skill that is going to plague you in every aspect of your life (work, relationships, family, friends) if you don't deal with it. But as a wise man learned years ago, 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.' It really is up to you.
For the most part I agree with that... but I'll also say that before I started therapy, I had no interest in going and thought it was pointless. I went because a dear friend said, in so many words, "I'm not going to continue to talk to you until you make an appointment with a therapist." I was really, really pissed with him... but I made the appointment. And I was convinced that I'd go for 2 or 3 sessions, resolve whatever needed to be resolved... and that would be that. And I was completely wrong. Therapy was the best experience of my life. Also... therapy actually can have some effect on someone completely resistant to it, if the therapist is extraordinarily skilled, so sometimes just dragging yourself into the office, kicking and screaming, is enough to get the process started, and change their whole outlook, both on therapy and on life. This video isn't completely on topic to this discussion, but the researcher in it is absolutely brilliant, and was someone who also resisted therapy, and she talks about that in this talk. It's 20 minutes, but well worth watching. (She is my new favorite person in the field of psychology and therapy.) [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0[/YOUTUBE]
It's not really the therapy that I don't want. I could probably do with a bit of therapy, but for completely other problems. I'm more worried that I'll discover that I do have an issue with 'anxiety', and will have to keep going to see her. I get uncomfortable talking to my gp about a throat infection, so I can easily say that therapy would be absolute hell for me. And sorry if I sounded arrogant, I didn't mean to say that therapy is entirely useless. I'm sure therapy works for lots of people, and that it works well for them, but I doubt it could ever work for me. But the biggest issue I have is that someday, I would deffinitely like to see someone about my various issues and problems, but I don't think I am at all ready to do that just yet. Now if I could just tell mum exactly that, then she would probably understand and not force me into this, but as I previously stated, I can't talk to people on that sort of level. She thinks that my 'anxiety' is affecting my schoolwork, grades etc. and that it makes me extremely irritable. Maybe I am doing poorly at school, and maybe I am irritable, but a trip to a psychologist I don't want to see would just make me more stressed, instead of fixing the problem. I'm just kinda stuck here.
How do you *know* that to be the case, if you haven't tried it? Talking to a really good psychologist is like talking to a very trusted friend, except that you don't have to worry about being judged, or living up to any expectations. You can just be completely yourself, and you will get insight and thoughts and ideas that perhaps you'd never considered before, that could make a meaningful improvement in your life. Additionally, I think I hear you saying that you may well actually *have* a problem with anxiety, and that *gasp* you might actually have to get treatment for it Going to your GP is absolutely nothing like going to a therapist. Physicians are trained to be somewhat distant; they have to be, in order to do what they do. Therapists are the opposite. Their role is to listen and support you and help you see what options there are to help yourself. They don't direct you to do anything. They open up the possibilities and support you in finding the ones that work for you. It sounds to me like you're acknowledging that you do, in fact, have some anxiety going on... you're admitting you're doing poorly in school and that you're irritable. Those are symptoms for which someone *would* see a psychologist. I think what's really going on here is a combination of fear and denial. Listen to your mom and to the doctor. Take the first appointment, and go in with an open mind. Nobody says you have to keep going. But you might be really pleasantly surprised, and might feel completely differently after the first session. Doing anything new can be scary. But this shouldn't be so bad. Give it a try.
