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Mind spill..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Fairybread, Apr 22, 2011.

  1. Fairybread

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    So, there's too much on my mind, and right now I feel like the best thing to do is to give up. On everything. Nothing I do seems to be good enough, and I'm weighed down by my past. I can't seem to anything right, and I hate myself. Who I am, how I look. On top of that, I'm harldy sleeping or eating, which I know isn't good.

    Basically, I've hit a real low point. Not to mention I'm pretty sure all my friends are away on holiday, without their phones, so I can't contact anyone. I feel so alone.

    And while I don't feel like I deserve any help or support or anything, any would be much appreciated. I'm at the point where I can't think straight...

    There's parts of my past I wish never happened, and parts I wish I could relive. But I know, that I have never felt as alone as I do right now...

    And sorry if this post makes no sense.. I just needed to get all this out there, and like I said, I can't think straight atm.. :bang:
     
  2. raven23

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    You are not alone, I have been through something similar, feel free to message me if you want to chat (*hug*)
     
  3. Fairybread

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    Thanks, although regular members can't pm anyone but staff :/
     
  4. Dave the rave

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    Hi there I get that feeling often but something good will happen soon and help you forget that feeling of hopelessness. Honestly there have been times due to my sexuality that I have been close to ending it all. If your like me then it is probably worry about what other people think about you that's getting you down rather than who or what you are. I know it is hard to see how things are going to get better but they will and you will be a stronger person. But for now Here is a big hug from me hope this reply helps I am new here but love the fact that this place exists
     
  5. Fairybread

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    I think mines due to depression... I just want to end it.... Want it to end.... And thanks.

    I don't even know who I am anymore..
     
  6. Lexington

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    Have you seen anybody to see if you actually do have depression? (That's not quite clear from your last post.) If not, that might be a good place to start.

    I've been through a couple bouts of depression myself, and no question - depression sucks rocks. But I found a few techniques that helped make the depressive time somewhat more bearable.

    1. Shake things up. Part of depression is feeling stuck in a rut. "It's all meaningless, why do I bother", all of that. So work on nudging yourself out of that rut. Try new things. Take a new route to work or school. If you usually drive, walk, or bike, or take the bus. Try some new diversions. If you usually listen to rock, try dance music, or jazz, or classical. If you usually watch reality TV, watch documentaries, or sitcoms, or old movies. Go to the library, grab four books that even slightly grab your attention, take them home, and read them.

    2. Engage your creative center. I think most of us have a creative itch that need scratching from time to time, and no time more than when we're depressed. So get creative. If you don't do anything that could be called creative, here's the time to start. Try writing - fiction, nonfiction, doesn't matter. Draw. Design clothes or homes or roller coasters. Get a cheap camera, or use the one on your phone if you've got one, and start taking pictures and futzing with them online. And it doesn't matter if you're any GOOD at any of these things - God knows I'm not. But you're not doing any of this for anybody but yourself. You're just doing it to do it, not to sell your wares at the end of the day. So if you enjoy the process, that's all that matters.

    3. Stay social. You're finding out how important this part is, with everybody gone. When we stop being social, we're stuck alone with our thoughts. And they start grinding into our brains the way a heavy needle drags into a record. (I need a better metaphor here - not enough people listen to records nowadays. :slight_smile: ) So keep reaching out. Post here, or other online places. Look to see if there are places you can go to make new friends.

    4. Stay active. I hated this part back in the day, because exercise and me simply were not good friends at all. But once I started, I noticed the results right away. Do anything to get your heart going a bit. You don't have to join a gym or anything. Jogging around the block is fine. If you've got a video game system, most of them have "dance" games that are fun. Keep pushing yourself until you wear yourself out (or come close) a couple times a week. That'll get the endorphins going a bit. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. Fairybread

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    Yea, I have been diagnosed with depression, by my GP..

    And I'm on holiday from school atm, otherwise I usually walk to school, play a sport...

    I've tried so much, just... None of it seems to work. I'm on antidepressants, but I'm almost sure they're making it worse, so the one thing that might help isnt... I'll try just about anything once (except running, cos I get depressed just thinking about that, plus I tend to injure myself doing so) and there isn't really a lot left.. In happiest when surrounded by people, even though I don't feel like I fit in..
     
  8. Lexington

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    It's tough with anti-depressants. Sometimes they take a few weeks to start taking effect, and since you're probably slipping deeper into depression during that time, and counting on some effect, it might feel like they're making you feel worse during that time. Or they might actually not have much effect. Or, yes, they might make you feel worse. Which is why they really do need to be carefully monitored. If you've been on them over a month and aren't feeling any better at all, I'd say another trip to the GP might be in order. You may need to alter the dosage, or go to a different group of anti-depressants, or skip them altogether and go the therapy route.

    Have you considering going to a therapist? Did your GP mention that option to you?

    Lex
     
  9. Fairybread

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    He did, and I've been on them all year. Last time I went to see him he doubled the dose... Then I ran out and I've been on them a month or so and I feel worse...

    He mentioned it, but around school and homework there isn't much time...
     
  10. Eleanor Rigby

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    You'd better take an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible and explain him that the meds you're on are not helping. He may want to either change the dosage again or try another kind of antidepressant.
    I also think that it would be great for you to see a therapist. I know there isn't much time with school and homework, but it would help you sorting out the issues you're having. I have been through depression myself, and I wouldn't be alive now without the help of my therapist. Yes, therapy forces you to face the issues you're having and forces you to deal with issues you'd prefered to ignore, but that's the point of it, and it also makes you able to deal with the problems you're having and makes you a stronger person.
    I think that at least, it would be worth trying to take an appointment with your school counselor. That might be a first step.
    And please, keep holding on. Life never stays the way it is when you're 16, and it gets much much better with time.
    Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
    Take care, (*hug*) Cécile
     
  11. Lexington

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    >>>He mentioned it, but around school and homework there isn't much time...

    Consider this a minute. "I'm feeling at the end of my tether and wondering if I'm borderline suicidal, but hey, I'm just swamped right now, so I'll deal with it some other time."

    If you're in a position where you're having these sort of problems, everything else should take a back seat. If you've got to miss school or assignments because of it, so be it. And if everybody is in holiday, is there a better time than the present?

    Lex
     
  12. THIS^

    If you're not taking care of yourself, you don't have anything to give to school or homework or even social things. You have to have your health first to really be happy and successful in all areas of life. There's no time to wait when you're feeling this bad.
    (*hug*)
     
  13. stageone

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    Hi Fairybread,
    I have depression as well, and it is hard when you're in it to see any other possibilities... but you will come through it. I second (third?) Eleanor & Lex's advice to see your doctor. The wrong mix can mess with your head. In the meantime, do something nice for yourself (a long walk, read a favourite book, give yourself a manicure/facial, spend an hour with some paint, write a letter to someone who mattered to you- these are all things that help me feel at peace with myself. Do whatever works for you.)
    Peace & strength to you! I hope the lows don't last long.
     
  14. Fairybread

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    I've been to see the school counsellor, but it didn't help.. At all. And then she stopped sending me times.. Plus it's tedious catching up on schoolwork :/ not to mention I have a strange fear of talking f2f...