So recently, as some of you may have noticed, I haven't been the happiest person in the world. I don't even know who I am anymore, and have an increasingly strong urge to end it all. Now I know that what I've been through is nothing compared to some, but it has exceeded what I'm able to cope with. Depression and stress are a nasty mix, and combined with my own feelings of guilt and self-worthlessness, its overwhelming. I tend to blame myself for everything, and see myself as fat, ugly, and useless. (I'm 173cm approx and 80kg)... Nothing I do is good enough, and apparently I'm lazy cos I don't do enough around the house... I babysit, cook (sometimes), clean, try and keep up with my schoolwork, all whilst trying to beat depression. And honestly, I can't do everything. I'm not who I was a year ago, a month ago, even a week ago. I have no idea who I am, but I know I've lost the will to live and have run out of outlets... And again, I'm sorry if this makes no sense... I just really need to talk to someone...
"When you feel like letting go, think about what made you hold on for so long." But seriously don't give up. I was once in a position where I felt so stressed and depressed and alone and confused and every bad feeling in the book. I just kept forging ahead, and so can you! I know sometimes it can feel hopeless and like nothing is turning out right, but things WILL get better. "Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."
Being 16 really sucks sometime. Believe it or not, being 40 is WAY better. But the only way to get to 40 is to live through being 16. And it really is worth it. It gets better. You can talk to any of the staff here if you're looking for someone to talk to, including me.
Not sure if I'm the best to talk about this. After high school, I went through depression and even attempted suicide, due to gender dysphoria caused by my gender identity disorder. Those feelings started coming back, but I sought help this time. I still want to live. I think that you should do the same as soon as possible. Find a professional to talk to about this.
