*PLEASE HELP* how do i deal with my mum who's taken me coming out really badly.

Well, it sounds like you're in a situation where somethings is going to give. Either you need to confront your mother and let her know that you aren't ashamed of who you are and you aren't going to pretend to be just to make her comfortable; or, your girlfriend will lose her patience.

It's a tough situation and the only thing you can do in this situation is to be tough too. I know talking to your parents is tough--believe me--but you also have to understand that your girlfriend may not put up with this much longer. Your mom already knows, so you need to sit down and just talk to her. Tell her you're tired of sneaking around. Maybe get your girlfriiend's mother to help you out.

 

I had a problem like this when I came out to someone I trusted completely- she's still really uncomfortable with it, even though we're family. I would just tell her how you feel- but try not to blame her because that usually ends with a fight. Be honest and remember that she's your mom and she loves you, but shes probably scared or worried for you and doesn't know how to talk about it. Its up to you to initiate the conversation.

 

Maybe you need to make her realize that she's pushing you away. She probably fears losing you more than anything.

 

Hi Jodie and welcome to EC
I am sorry your mum is reacting this way to the fact you're gay. You know, very often, homophobic reactions come from misconceptions about what it means to be gay. The best thing you can do to help your mum to understand better and to accept you the way you are is to be open about it.
Let her know how her behavior makes you feel (without getting angry at her if possible), tell her that you understand that this is hard for her too and that if she has any questions, she is welcome to ask you about anything.
This is a link to a PFLAG booklet that you may want to print for her : http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf
I know this is not going to be a piece of cake. It's hard to be a teenager, being gay is kind of the icing on the cake, and it's not easy to be confident enought to openly talk about it, especially with family members who are not supportive, but the best way to help your mother becoming more acceptant is to educate her on that matter.
Be patient, it can takes time and lot of discussion, and maybe you're going to face anger and bitterness from your mother, but hopefully it's going to be worth the efforts.
Take care, Cécile

 

Well, Jodie, I think you two need to talk about this. Ignoring the problem is causing strain on more than just your relationship with your mother. You've said that your girlfriend's mother--and I assume your girlfriend too--hate that you're sneaking around.

You might find yourself in a situation where you have to choose: avoiding your mom and losing your girlfriend or confronting your mom. What we're saying is that it's best to avoid that situation altogether. You're going to be in your mother's house for another four years, you need to think about the longterm.

 

Don't worry,you'll be fine.Negativity from outside can't bring you down. You are 16, you already know what you feel and want, you have a girlfriend..your mom already aware.Just a matter of time.You are doing fine.Actually you are doing excellent.It might seem to you problem now, probably in future you will say "where was the problem?"

You like your girl,she likes you.. you are okay with your sexuality.You are not living in medieval times or extremely homophobic country.Don't worry about parents, they don't dream about child being gay, its a taboo for straight people and nightmare for parents.Even, some gay people are not okay with themselves, so I can understand your mom isn't okay with it.Does it matter? Hell no..Its your life.

Good luck with your girlfriend.

 

I'll second the idea of talking to your mother. My main advice is this, though. When you do so, be as adult and unemotional as you can possibly be. If you approach it in tears, with a "you're so awful" or a "why is the world so unfair" sort of perspective, this will make you sound childish - like an immature teenager who doesn't know how to get what she wants without throwing a fit. Instead, you need to approach her calmly and rationally. Get the facts on your side, present them logically, and show some willingness to compromise. For instance, maybe she'll let you get together at your place so long as you don't kiss in her presence. I think that'd be an acceptable compromise to make.

Lex