What do I do ok back story: Me and my friend had been friends for 16 years, really close went to infant school together before I started to realise I had feelings for her, i've never had a boyfriend or wanted one and if i'm honest I didn't want her to have one either. Then when we turned 21 she started nannying in America, we had talked about it and I told her that if that would make her happy then thats what she should do. When she left the first time I cried alot, it got worse when she came back after 6 months, I really went to pieces, when she finally came back and stayed I felt so much better, happy, whole again. That's when my step dad started commenting, asking us if we were lesbians (which I totally denied). A year or so later she left again and went to Africa for a year, again the same thing happened again, I missed her like crazy and cried so much when she left. When she got back this time I couldn't carry on as normal, I tried, stayed friends with her for months but I found that I didn't want to have any serious conversations with her, being alone with her when all we had to do was talk really scared me and we didn't talk. Then she started saying she was planning to go abroad again for another year, that's when I really started avoiding her (I didn't know what to say, I had no right to tell her that I didn't want her to go) I finally sent her a really long email telling her that I couldn't handle her leaving (but not why) and that I thought we needed a break from being friends so I could sort myself out. 18 months on and I'm happier, coming to terms with who I am and we finally start talking again. Now though I don't know what to say to her I really want her as a friend but I'm scared, I told her I'm bi, which totally lifted a weight off but I haven't told her I had a crush on her I have no other friends or family that know I'm bi but I really want to explore the scene What can I do?:tears: Any ideas would be very much appreciated
I think the main thing you need to do is (as you put it) "explore the scene". You appear to be doing something I call "convenience crushing". That's when you start having feelings for somebody due in no small part simply because they're convenient. I mean, you're bi-, you like this girl, so hey, why not her? It means you wouldn't have to go out and look for somebody. And so for the past few years, she's been your "maybe girl"...in part because there wasn't anybody else. You weren't dating, you weren't looking, and so you were stuck fixating on her. Which is why I think it'd be ideal for you to go out and look for other people to date. Once you find somebody, I think it'll help you put her back in the right position in your mind. Lex
