Okay, I'm not really sure how to explain this, so I guess I shall resort to...THE RANT :O, a method used when all else fails. So basically I went over to a friend's house tonight for a kind of Easter picnic thing. I haven't seen this friend for a while, but I used to think I liked him (this was before I understood the whole penis component of heterosexual relationships and turned to the other side). After I realized I was gay in sophomore year I pretty much dropped that weird almost-crush because I realized I was more into girls and I figured I had just kind of made the guy crush up as a way of achieving some semblance of normality, both for others and myself. Anywho, I went to go visit this guy today and I felt kind of weird around him, almost shy, and I found myself flirting with him a bit. I felt almost attracted to him. This really freaked me out, because I've just finally come to terms with my homosexuality. I originally came out as bi, but I dropped that pretty quickly because almost all of my crushes have been on girls. In fact, since I had previously not counted my feelings for this guy as a crush, all of my crushes before tonight had been on girls. But I feel like I can't disregard this attraction, if that's what it is. So does this mean I'm bi after all? Straight? Or just a butch lezzie who got hyped up on too much pineapple juice?
It sounds like to me that you have a crush on him, but you don't like heterosexual relations. I've had a crush on a guy once myself. First of all, you need to realize that you're probably not fully homosexual. Sexuality is a spectrum, so you might have some attractions to men. You already said that you wouldn't like the idea of having sex with him, so what does that mean? It probably just means you have the equivalent of a "man crush" on him, except you're a girl. Maybe you like his personality and you get along really well with him and this excites you. Been there with my other crush too. It is possible that this is worth exploring. What happened to me might happen to you. You kiss him and you don't feel anything... And then you're left with disappointment. Or...you might feel something, who knows?
It means your are human. Plain and simple Don't over think it too much. If you crush on him then you crush on him, no big deal. Now, what do you want to do with that crush? Do you want to see where it goes? Leave it alone? All up to you and no wrong answers
Sexuality isn't totally fixed for most people. You'll notice my orientation thingy reads "Kinsey 5 or 6. It varies." But I still identify as "gay" most of the time because a) I'm a gazillion times more likely to end up with a boy than a girl and b) explaining the Kinsey scale each time I tell someone who isn't familiar with it would take too long. I crush on girls quite a lot, though, it just doesn't usually mean I want to do anything with them more physical than cuddling. And even when I do find a pair of breasts that actually excites me, I don't feel any less gay.
