Hello. I am in an awkward predicament. Actually my life is an awkward mess. First of all, I'm queer. And actually, my little brother is also queer. I have a hunch that my parents have had a hunch of my queerness, and also of my brother's. He has several Taylor Lautner posters hanging in his room. On one of them, he cut out his picture and framed it in gold. Today, his magazine came in and I was shocked to look at the cover. "TAYLOR" With his big face stuck in the middle of the page. I saw him quickly flip through it and it was basically an entire magazine meant to worship Taylor Lautner. I am ashamed and disgusted. More so ever, I feel ashamed of myself when I see my brother doing these sort of things. I try my best to not be queer, but unfortunately, my voice is a high pitch mess. Ironically, my brother's voice is very low. I don't know what to do. I've been raised to love siblings, but for the past 3-4 years I have yet to say an empathetic word towards my brother. It's probably because I hate myself and feel that hatred when I look at my brother.:bang::bang::bang:
Hi and welcome,your whole life sounds like a complcated mess.I think the first thing you need to do is to try and sort out what is making you feel ashamed,if it is simply the fact that you know you are gay and highly suspect your brother is the same then you need to accept that you or both of you were born this way,and coincidently there is nothing "wrong" with you. As you have probably worked out for yourself,acceptance is the only way forword because whatever you do you can NOT change your sexual orientation.Accepting ones self is often the hardest part of being gay,and also a must before coming out. Could you talk with your brother and try to find out if he is acctualy gay,if you could manage this it could be a great support sytem for you both if you are both having simmilar problems.When you say your parents may suspect something,have they ever questioned either of you about it(this mostly means they know or have an incline about something).Have you ever tried to gauge there reaction on gay related things,gay people etc.Do you think they would be accepting of one or two gay sons,have you any gay family such as uncles or cousins,if so how do they react around them. All in all you really need to stop bottling this all up and hiding your true self,the longer you do this the harder it will become and in time you will become lonely and start yourself on a downward spiral that will end in deep depresion.Coming out is not easy but believe me,you will get to a stage where all your thoughts will be wrapped up around coming out etc until it takes over.Once you find the courage to tell someone things start looking up to a point where you just want to be out and free to live your life without having to hide and lie about your whereabouts all the time.The closet is definately not a healthy place to be. You are in a position that could be to your advantage,having a sibling that you suspect may also be gay.Whether he is gay or not,if you could get him on side it would be one of your better moves. Good luck with all of this,but self acceptance without feeling ashamed is your first goal.
Truly, loving yourself is the hardest things to do. When coming out or trying to, there is a lot of weight on your back, which could also mean a lot of regret. The point is to look past all that and forget about what you sound like/look like/dress like. You are you, and that is it. Ending on a funny note, your brother I think should ditch his crush and go Team Edward
