I don't know if anyone will read this but if you are you don't even have to respond. I just need to get all these thoughts out of my head. I can't eat, sleep, think, anything because of all this going on. I am 21 years old, a junior in college, and currently studying abroad in Europe. Since about middle/high school. I have always had thoughts about other girls. People, however, always seem to say this is normal/phase, whatever so I wasn't too concerned. I have had a few boyfriends but broke up with both of them because that "spark" didn't last. I have, drunk, kissed girls on a few occasions and liked it a lot. I find myself often attracted to friends beyond just a normal friendship. Sometimes I have to go for long periods of time without seeing some of them to stop these inappropriate thoughts from coming up. Specifically one of my very close friends. Everything about her is amazingly beautiful, and she's attractive too. At the same time, I do sometimes feel attracted to guys. However, once someone starts to get close to be I tend to freak out and find something wrong with them. I always figured I was just a picky person but lately I am starting to feel otherwise. Studying abroad has really opened my mind and lead to a lot of self reflection. I have almost accepted the fact that I am probably bi-sexual. However, I am beginning to wonder if I am a lesbian. Gosh, it feel so strange to type all this! I can't exactly explain in written words how I am feeling. Fear, anxiety, the world weighing down on me, everything one can imagine. I don't want to disappoint my family. I don't want to turn out to be wrong about my sexuality. I am still a virgin and I feel like I haven't "experienced" enough to really know my sexuality. I'm sorry now I am just rambling. I don't even completely know what I'm asking for or looking for. I guess I just wish an answer could fall out of the sky. I am just so confused and I have no one to talk to. So whoever you are reading this thank you. -Michaeline
Well, I know you said no one has to respond to this, but I know exactly what you mean. I see it like this- you can't really be "wrong" about your sexuality. Its something that is really personal and only you know who you're attracted to. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure it all out, and that's okay.
I can see how you're feeling. It IS scary to admit you're a lesbian if you are. I think it's probably much easier to tell your family and friends that you are bisexual so that they think you 'might' end up with the opposite gender in the end. It sounds to me that you're a lesbian, but truthfully, only you can really know that for sure. Only you know how you feel. Also you don't need to 'experience' anything to know your sexuality, sure it may help a bit, but don't feel the need to go out and 'experience' something just to figure out your sexuality. You could be slightly bisexual like a Kinsley 4-5 which means you have an attraction to boys to a level, but couldn't really see yourself ending up with one. That's like how I feel, I sometimes look at a guy and find him attractive, but I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with a guy. And my attraction for girls goes deeper and Kind of like what you said I find many more girls attractive than guys. Coming out to yourself is very scary, often you feel like your life is falling apart around you, well at least that's how I felt. What I thought about when I was questioning myself, was I thought of who I wanted to end up with and marry and live with for the rest of my life. The answer for me is a girl. Well I hope this was helpful to you! Good luck!
I know the feeling. (*hug*) I’m 20, I’ve never had any experience with a girl, but I don’t feel so attracted to men, either. I’ve always fantasized about having a nice boyfriend, but I keep guys at arm’s length if they try to approach me. It’s very confusing. Maybe you could join an LGBT youth group near where you’re living? I think I’m going to try to attend a meeting myself, as soon as I have the time. It might be helpful. Where are you studying, btw? Europe is big!:lol: I live in Italy. Don’t worry too much if it takes you a while to figure yourself out. Human sexuality is not a cut and dry thing, it is so extremely complex – no wonder we sometimes find it so hard to find the right “labels”. Wish you the best of luck
From my perspective, it took my a while to work out the difference between what I thought was a spark of attraction with girls and what was really a spark of friendship. Equally, I had presumed because it is said sometimes, that it was a phase. Now I wonder why this is said at all, it just confuses people more. It does sound to me like you're probably a lesbian. I don't mean to jump to any conclusions, ultimately you'll know yourself best in the end more than anyone, just my impression based on your description of your experiences so far. I would say take advantage of your time away to discover yourself. Find out if there are any support networks in your city, simply Google "[name of city] lesbian support network". I imagine they'd be quite welcoming. But that might be jumping in too quickly. Hang around on these boards for a while, once you feel more comfortable with yourself, you can get around to telling your family and friends. You'll be fine in any case, don't worry, things aren't as scary as they might at first seem. (*hug*)
I just want to say thank you so much to everyone that has responded so far. I feel so much love and support and I appreciate it more than any of you will ever know. All the advice so far is great and it making this whole crazy process just a little bit more bearable knowing that I'm not alone. BTW I'm studying in southern Spain, but I really want to visit Italy!
