Conversation With My Son's Partner

i think you should ask typical questions??

 

Personally if I'm not open to my mother but if I was I wouldn't really mind her asking questions if she was keeping an open mind about things. Although don't overload on the questions other than that don't worry about it so much.

 

I think what Ethan means, and what I think is that you should just treat them as if they were a hetero couple. It's awesome that you care enough to post here, and are trying to avoid offending them or putting yourself in an awkward situation, but in reality I think it'd be even more awkward if you treated them like they were different than any other couple. I know I generally feel more "offended" when people treat me differently than everyone else, even if they're trying to be politically correct or something, than when people just treat me normally. I also wouldn't say you have to avoid questions related to homosexuality, but I wouldn't make it the center of the conversation. People have a strange way of making homosexuality seem like the overriding aspect of any gay person's personality, when in reality it's not. In my mind, asking questions about it just says you're interested in being more involved in his life, and are trying to learn more about it.

So, I guess, if your son's partner was a woman, and your son was straight, what questions would you ask?

Some topics that I come immediately to mind (knowing that I have no knowledge about how much you already know about him) are:
1. His (the partner's) career/job/aspirations.
2. His family.
3. Stuff going on in their lives, anything big that's happened recently, how they've been occupying themselves, any plans. Just remember, if any of their response involve something gay-related to take it in stride. That's not to say you have to avoid questions about it (I don't think you should - if you have a question, ask it!), but don't make them feel like they're different (because they're not).

Chances are, these three general categories will give you enough of a start to propel the conversation forward from there. The best advice would be not to worry! As long as you're not blatantly offensive/insulting (and seeing as you're posting here, I guarantee you wouldn't be even without our suggestions), questions about anything shouldn't really offend them. The ONLY THING I can think of that would make things awkward would be to ask about their sex lives (ie. Who's the top/bottom?). I don't think most people would ask questions like that, BUT, I have read stories on here of parents who did, and that is REALLY awkward, and a great way to kill the conversation. Aside from that, there's really nothing I can think of that you could ask that would offend them. Just be natural! Remember, they're no different than any other couple.

 

yer thats wat i meant ^_^

 

How are you?
How long have you two been dating?
Where are you going?
How old are you?
Basic questions...
There really isnt a subject you shouldnt bring up.
Do you have a daughter?
Well if you do pretend like your meeting your daughters boyfriend.
If not then think about what a dad woul do if he were meeting his daughters bF.

 

I know that personally, I would rather my mom ask a question that is on her mind than to "not" ask. If she didn't ask, I might feel like she was drawing her own conclusions, which would lead to my (non-exastant) partner and I feeling more akward and put-out than if she has asked us even and uncomfortable/possibly akward question to begin with. So long as they know you aren't asking questios to be malicious, they probably won't take issue with any questions (of the sort that your relationship with your son typically broaches...) For instance, it wouldn't be odd for my mom to ask about matters concerning the bedroom...But I doubt that is the case with most people here. We are just unusually open with each other. Just go with the flow!

 

:eusa_clap Wow great job Mom! I think it's wonderful that you are meeting with your son's partner. As everyone says treat him like he was a hetero couple. However I know there probobly is those questions that you want to ask your son's partner so I say ask him if it's okay, and then just ask away. :eusa_danc just don't OD the man on questions.

Then again he might not be so open as a fella, so I say judge him by how he answers your "regular" questions and then just go from there.

:dry: I hope that helps

And good work once again.

 

Normal questions ofcourse like was said before, just make it like talking to a straight couple. If u want any topics to avoid, just avoid the ones that are embarrissing 2 every1. such as: saying how cute they were as a baby or showing 2 many photos. Ofcourse there r serious ones 2 avoid, but u probably know them already, ones that make there relationship seem strange. but u should be fine, just try to avoid awkward silences. This is just what would b helpful for my family but urs is ptobably a little different Hope it helps

 

Shoshanna, I just have to say I am proud of you. You are moving in the right direction! Everybody has already given you excellent advice so I'm not going to add to it, I just wanted to tell you that!

 

I echo that, typical questions. Don't be afraid of offending them, just ask the same questions as you would if they were a hetero young couple

 

shoshanna, your going to worry yourself sick one of these days, your over analyzing. Just relax and take it as it comes, you got a good boy, and hes got a good boy, and they and men, not boys, and they are and in love. Good Luck, and Congrats

 

Do not worry about offending. Just be yourself. And you will be fine. I think your warmth and caring by just posting means you care a great deal about your son. Sounds like you are one cool mom. Now my question is does your son have any cute friends??

Wish I had a mom that cared like you!

 

Hi Shoshanna, it's good to see you here.

EC did me no end of good. I have a much better understanding of what gay people go through thanks to the guys here.

I don't know you but as I said to your son on a PM you are not bothering with the baby steps of acceptance you are taking great galloping strides. I think you should be really proud of yourself. :icon_bigg

 

Heya, I dunno how old your son and his boyfriend is but I think depending on their age could change alot of questions.

If he's younger, ask what he plans do do when hes older. If hes an older person ask what hes doing now and if he enjoys it.

If you want to ask questions that relate to them being gay thats fine, you could ask:

- At what age did you realize you were homosexual?

- Are you religious and what views on religion/homosexuality do you have?

- Ever had a girlfriend?

Well I think they were interesting questions. >_>

 

I'm a bit skeptic on those questions CrimsonThunder, asking them those hardball type questions can be quite damaging. I'd try to avoid those, personally.

 

Well I want BLOOD DAMMIT!

No seriously, hope we get an update!

 

From personal experience, don't ask how they have sex. It just gets really awkward. You don't seem like that kind of mom though. Other than that ask anything you would ask as if your son was straight and had a girlfriend.

 

My mum would do something like that just to embarass me. >=(