So, I've got a coworker that likes me. A lot. Enough to send me drunk texts about how much he likes me and how he was afraid to approach me previously because I had a boyfriend. He doesn't know that I broke up with my boyfriend because I finally accepted that I'm gay, and that I was living a lie by being with a guy. I'm not sure how to approach telling him no. I'm out to a couple of my coworkers, but not to everyone, and not to this guy. I don't necessarily think I'd mind coming out to this guy - he does seem like a nice guy - but I'm afraid that some of my other coworkers that he might end up telling wouldn't be fully understanding. I've been trying to drop hints that I'm just not into him or into guys, but he's not getting it. It's making things a bit more than uncomfortable. I think I should just come out and tell him, which in turn, would tell the whole company. It's just a lot to deal with now, because I'm working on getting a promotion. Ugh. It doesn't help that I'm incredibly shy and don't want to hurt feelings. Any advice on how to deal with this?
There's nothing wrong with sticking with "I'm simply not interested in you. Sorry." If he keeps drunk texting you, just block the number. Lex
This is tough. The only good way to get him off of your back is to be honest with him. If you try tactics of just telling him half-truths, he still won't get it--or he'll think he still has a shot later. Is it possible you could just let him know that you're not interested and he should back off? Hopefully as politely as possible. Don't beat around the bush with it. Just come out and say that you're not interested in him. That's what I would do, anyway.
If you don't feel like coming out to him, tell him you're not interested, as gently as you can. Straight, gay or bi, no means no. Period.
Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is never a good reason not to let someone know you're not interested. You're allowed not be interested, whatever the circumstances, without it being a slight on them. You could say that you're not interested, that they're not your type, and that because of why you broke up with your boyfriend, you're not interested in another relationship now anyway. Then say very firmly that he will have to stop harrassing you about it, or that you will complain to others. He should get the message at that point to lay off, and will probably not enquire further.
