So in the last month I have recently started talking go this guy I like, B, and he is funny and nice and I really like him and instantly fell for him. Well after 3 weeks of talking we went on our first date and it was awesome and we both had a good time. So good that we wanted to hang out again the very next day... So when he got out of work I went over to his house, stayed the night and spent the entire next day together and it was great, I honestly couldn't remember the last time I was that happy. And so on my way back home I texted him asking if he would be my boyfriend, and he said that while he really likes me he feels it's still too soon for that and I was like yeah I understand and thought we could put it behind us... Well over the next two weeks he seemed increasingly more and more distant, we would only talk if i texted him, he was always busy whenever I wanted to hang out and when he would respond to my texts they were one word responses. And this went on for two weeks until I finally worked up the courage to ask him about it. And he said that he was waiting for me to ask him about it, and that I kind of scared him when I asked him to be my bf and that he thought he was ready to have that kind of commitment but that he really isn't, and he said he doesn't know when he will be. But he said he still likes me a lot and still wants to hang out with me so I was thinking things were okay, and they do seem better, we do talk more and stuff but I don't know if it is just me and it usually is, but we still only talk if I text him first, we are trying to make plans to hang out again but between my work and his things keep getting in the way. And then there is my friends, they all pretty much hate him and feel like I am being played/strung along... And they take every chance they can to tell ms this... But it's also like I really like him and haven't felt this way in a VERY long time... And idk... At this pout I don't even know what to do anymore... I want to hang out with him or something but a part of me feels like I al the only one who wants to hang out and the only one trying... What do u guys think?
Nothing wrong with hanging out with him as long as you do not expect anything (from an emotional standpoint) in return. And what does he mean by "hanging out?" Hanging out just as friends or hanging out as the occasional hookup? It would seem to me that if he just wanted a casual hook-up (and you felt more) that could kinda reek havoc with your feelings. Either way, i certainly would not wait on him to "come around" to move on with other possible relationships.
First, a lot depends on what your definition of "boyfriend" is. For most people, that implies a meaningful commitment to a (hopefully) long-term relationship. If that's your definition, then it's not something that you'd ask someone after one or two dates, no matter how long you'd been talking beforehand... it's something you'd ask after weeks, and after spending a lot of time really getting to know the person. So it's likely you scared him away as being too clingy or too impulsive. Secondly... if someone is getting more and more distant, responding to texts with one-word answers, and avoiding you... it should be really obvious there's a problem. The fact that you didn't, earlier, seek to understand that problem but just let it go on for a couple of weeks also indicates that you were probably coming across as way too clingy/desperate. I don't think he's playing you. I think, more likely, the two of you are at opposite ends of the spectrum; you are probably coming across as needy and perhaps desperate for the security of a relationship, and he has either never been in a meaningful relationship and therefore understandably slow to get into one, or has been in one and it's been smothering, and he wants to make sure he doesn't repeat things. From what I remember about your previous experiences, I think it's likely you're coming across way too strongly and turning people off. I'd suggest working on yourself and on getting yourself to a place where you can be truly happy being single. Then, the relationship becomes something that enriches your life, rather than something you require to be happy. So at that point, you can go into a relationship without *needing* it and therefore be less desperate appearing... and that, in turn, will make you much more attractive to the other person.
Yeah, it sounds like you put yourself out there completely and he responded the way he did. So, he's going through his own things and you've already shown him how much you feel. Talking, being friendly and everything is probably fine, but you can probably wait for him to come around if he ever gets there. Don't ignore the feelings that you're trying too hard and they aren't really at all. Either it's a purposeful signal from him (he really isn't trying very hard) or his style of intimacy and frequency of seeing a cared person doesn't match yours. There are other options (like an internal conflict in him you don't know about); but, in general, those feelings are a sign of something.
I'd second (or third) the suggestion that you may be being too clingy or possessive. You need to let these things grow at a natural pace, and often one person (him) moves into the relationship slower than the other (you). So give him the space. If he doesn't contact you in four hours, or a day, or even a whole weekend, that doesn't mean he's forgotten you or decided he doesn't want anything to do with you. And the more space you give him, the more likely he'll be to contact YOU. I'm curious about your friends "hating" him, though. Is it because he pulls you away from them? Or is there something else about him that's causing that reaction? Lex
Well idk... Most of them just don't trust him, they feel like he is a dbag who is just using me and is playing me...
Well, then, putting some distance could only help. If he IS just using you, you'll find out soon enough. Lex
