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What do you do if you can't stand your future sister in law?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pseudojim, Apr 27, 2011.

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  1. Pseudojim

    Pseudojim
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    So here's my quandary.

    My brother's fiancée is all of the following:

    a) an unmitigated idiot
    b) domineering and manipulating in an underhanded and insidious way
    c) selfish
    d) lazy
    e) alcoholic

    but she has big tits and she puts out, so now she and my brother are engaged.

    I absolutely dread having to speak at his wedding. I'm not even sure if i trust myself. She inspires nothing but the most profound disdain and for the life of me i simply cannot understand how he fell for her. In my opinion, she doesn't even love him but is using his rather considerable means to serve her own ends.

    It's not just me either, she is at least mildly disliked and in some cases outright hated by most of this side of the family.

    I mean... do you just have to put up with it? Can i tell my brother what i REALLY think? Am i morally obliged to tell him, or morally obliged NOT to tell him? What if in a few years she fucks off with the kids and the money and so on and so forth?

    Urgh. My family sure can pick 'em... My mother married a man she now despises and my sister married a morally bankrupt gun-toting redneck.
     
    #1 Pseudojim, Apr 27, 2011
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    If he asks you to speak at his wedding, you might just say "Honestly, me and Susan don't get along really well. I'd feel really uncomfortable doing that."

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Apr 27, 2011
  3. Pseudojim

    Pseudojim
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    he would be hurt even by that.

    I think he knows i think she's stupid, but as to the rest...........

    besides, that's not what i'm worried about. I'm worried about when she finally ceases being able to hide her true nature from him. He is bound to cotton on to how fucked she is eventually... Seriously, she's a shocking human being. I can't help but feel as though i KNOW she is going to do something really, really, really bad to hurt him and i don't know whether i should warn him.
     
    #3 Pseudojim, Apr 28, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2011
  4. Jim1454

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    How long have they been going out?

    Unfortunately, the standard approach here is to simply mind your own business. Your bother hasn't asked for your opinion of her, so don't offer it. We all need to make our own decisions - and in some cases make our own mistakes. That's part of life and living.

    When the 'inevitable' happens and she runs off with his money and kids, that won't be the time for you to say 'I told you so' either. You'll need to be supportive and encouraging.

    And in between now and then, you need to deal with it. SURELY she has some kind of redeeming qualities other than having big boobs and putting out. If not, your brother deserves everything you think he's going to get, because those aren't reasons to marry someone. You need to look for those qualities and focus on those. If there aren't any, then at least be happy for your brother - that she makes him happy for some reason or another.
     
    #4 Jim1454, Apr 28, 2011
  5. Black Cat

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    Unfortunately, there isn't anything that can be done (unless you want to run the risk of causing a scene and possibly being cast out of the family for doing something drastic, but hopefully you care for your brother enough to want to prevent this.) Sadly we can't choose family, nor can we choose who our family members choose.

    I can relate, as my sister has piss poor taste in men. And I’ve tried telling her this, but to no avail. Although that's another story for another time.

    I say your only real option is to treat her with respect out of obligation to your brother. Treat her as an extension of him. You don't need to go out of your way to be nice to her, but you have to tolerate her. And if your brother asks what your honest opinion of her is, then you have license to let loose. If he asks you to speak at the wedding, I would not deny him that wish if it were me. You don't have to sing her praises (if having big tits and putting out count as positive attributes then I'd hate to find out what some of her downsides are...) but, in my opinion anyway, you owe it to your brother to find something (anything!) nice to say about their union.
     
    #5 Black Cat, Apr 28, 2011
  6. Lexington

    Lexington
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    >>>besides, that's not what i'm worried about. I'm worried about when she finally ceases being able to hide her true nature from him

    She's with him...what? Twenty times more than she's with you? And somehow, she's managed to keep her "true nature" from him, but not you? Or anybody else for that matter?

    If you really feel this way about her, you just tell him. "I think she's a user, to be honest, and I don't think you should be marrying her." Will it hurt him? Yeah. But not as much as the future you envision will hurt him.

    Lex
     
    #6 Lexington, Apr 28, 2011
  7. Pseudojim

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    I used to like her, but i didn't know her well enough. Same story with everyone else, everyone used to like her because superficially she seems bubbly and lovely. But we've all seen through that over time.

    Even my dad, the most benevolent and softly spoken person in the world, completely disapproves of their marriage, so i'm certain it's not all in my head.

    But yeah, y'all are right, i reckon polite forbearance is the only way to go... It's what i've done up to now for the few years they've been together, but it's certainly a strain.
     
    #7 Pseudojim, Apr 28, 2011
  8. Jim1454

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    If it's been a few years, then I would say your brother should know what he's getting into. If she's stealing money from YOU, or taking silverware when she's at your parents' for dinner, then you should tell your brother. But if you just don't like her, then you're going to have to just tough it out. Accept that she's going to be a part of the family and make the best of it. Otherwise, you come across as the difficult one.
     
    #8 Jim1454, Apr 28, 2011
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