Basically my parents met my bf yesterday, and while they said they like him, at the same time my Mom's saying she thinks he doesn't take care of himself (he has a bit of a beard, and his teeth aren't amazing but I've looked past both, actually like his beard frankly). And she thinks we're racing, that I need time to meet people.....we bought promise rings for each other, but like we have talked about things like marriage and both agree that we don't plan to marry one another until we've at least been living together for a year or two to make sure we won't strangle each other living together. But yeah is this how a lot of parents are? Like always criticizing our partner, wondering if he's good enough, criticizing their appearance, wondering if they'll mesh with the family, etc? Like do you think its because him and I have been together for 8 months and they see its serious so they're just more critical of this relationship? I mean this is also the first boyfriend I've introduced to them, and it's been only a month since i told them I'm gay. So is this basically them being all parental?
Sounds like typical parent stuff to me. Maybe you can tell them that you have dated other guys before (if you have), and then they won't think you are rushing. But I think this is just typical of many parents to be critical of their child's bf/gf gay or straight. How has your mom been?
Sounds like normal parent behavoiur to me. Give them time to get to know him. You've been with him for 8 months, but in their mind, it's only been 1 since they didn't even know you were gay till then. So what may not seem fast for you might for them since they're just finding out about him. I'd take it as a good sign.
I think most parents tend to believe that no one can be good enough for their son/daughter. I think they're probably still coming to terms with your being gay somewhat, and what all of that means... give it some time, I think they'll come around
Yeah I suppose you're right...I suppose I couldn't expect them to be Debbie Novotny . I think I dunno my mom maybe wanted me to date someone like a doctor. I hate to say it but I kinda almost feel like my Mom is living in the 1700s when class mattered. I'm not even joking, there was one thing mom said that she's done even when I dated girls "what sort of family is s/he from? Are they well off?" It's like, money does not make the person...and apparently she thinks it does.
When I was dating my first girlfriend, my parents were very critical with her asking certain questions, like how many boyfriends she has had, what does she plan to do in the future. i think parents themselves will always be critical we date, its just that instinct to protect your child from anything. I don't think it has to deal with people being gay or straight, parents will be parents.
YEah I'm not sure it has anything to do that it's a boy, I'm just wondering why they seem maybe a bit more critical than when I was dating girls. I mean they were a bit critical but i mean they never sat down with my girlfriends and asked them their intentions with me whereas they did with my boyfriend. Maybe they see a more seriousness to this relationship than the girls?
Maybe it has been a long time since you have dated girls so they take this relationship way more seriously?
Perhaps but they didn't take girls as seriously. I mean they didn't take us out to dinner with them, etc. They just let us have our relationship, plain and simple.
Do you think you could blame age? I mean, my mom and dad don't take too seriously my sister's relationship right now. Maybe it is because they are 19 years old. I would bet in a couple more years, they approach it differently if they stay together. A relationship at 23 sounds way more legitimate then a relationship at say 20 years old. I don't know if that makes sence..
It could also be that they get that you are in a serious relationship, that this might not be some temporary thing and he'll be a big part of your life for a long time. While they didn't know you were gay and that the relationships with girls weren't going to last, they may have still have been able to see that you weren't treating them as long term or potentially marriage heading relationships. You mentioned that you two have talked about marriage and have promise rings so it definitely sounds like a serious relationship and they might be picking up on it. So now your parents are thinking about whether he's worthy of you or the right guy for you. And in typical parental style, no one may be initially good enough for you. I wouldn't read too much into their actions. Give them time to get to know him and see that he loves you and makes you happy. Then any flaws they might be picking on won't matter.
I hope you're right. I think if I were marrying Prince William or Prince Harry, they'd still find flaws. Heck I'd bet even a Prince wouldn't be worthy enough of marrying me to them lol
