How to come out to everyone else...?

[I know this is long...I'm sorry! But I have a lot to say, lol]

So I've been messing with the idea of coming out for months now...I'm very much a planner, so I've been thinking about all sorts of different ideas and methods on how to do it. I have a feeling my mom, at least, will be okay with it, and at the worst I think my dad will be one of those people who will love me no matter, but won't be comfortable with it. So for them, it's just a matter of finding the right time and the right way to do it.

I'm already out to one person at my school- I was a new student this year, and I kind of just randomly outed myself to her over IM on facebook. She's totally cool with it and hasn't told anyone, per request (she wouldn't have anyway). Now, I feel like I should come out to my closer friends from my new school, but I don't think we're at the point where it's like I NEED to tell them...we're not best friends by a long shot, but it's hard not to be myself when I'm around them. I know at least one of them is okay with the whole gay thing, and we even have a friend who is dating another girl...Still, I guess it’s just not a top priority right now.

My friends at my old school don't know, either, and I don't think they have a single clue...I've always had a rickety relationship with most of them, and I don't really know how some of them will take it. The problem with coming out to them is that I don't want my sexuality to spread like wildfire in my hometown (TINY town...my dad’s entire family lives there...) and I don't want everyone talking about me and I don't want to lose the people who have been my dearest friends anymore than I already have by moving, but I'm also partially thankful that I won't be there to experience any backlash. I feel like I really should come out to them, though, because, as I said, they’ve been my closest friends for nearly 10 years and I really WANT to be honest with them for the first time in years.

Now, as far as my extended family goes...I would only come out to my mom's side, because I’m not on good terms with my dad's side and like it that way, but my mom's family is still very large...I would essentially be coming out to 14 cousins, 6 aunts and uncles, all of their spouses, and eventually my second cousins (they're closer to me in age, but are too young to understand it now...hopefully by the time they get it, it'll just be a normal thing that cousin Molly has a girlfriend or wife or whatever). I really have no idea how most of them will take it…my uncles are basically all either quite narrow-minded, religious, or ignorant, but at the same time I feel like one of my cousins (and then her four kids, as they grow older) and at least one of my aunts, as well as her two adult kids, will be okay. I’m unsure of how everyone else will react, but most of my cousins are much older than me so they don’t play that big of a role in my life so it’d be manageable regardless of their reaction.

My plan is to come out to my parents soon, but after that I don't know who I should come out to next. I was thinking my mom's family, because they're some of the most important people in my life and I just feel like they're who I would like to know. I was thinking I could maybe tell my favorite cousin and my two favorite aunts (one who will probably understand, and one who will probably tell everyone else) in person and let them tell their spouses and kids and then I could facebook message or email the rest. I know that's quite informal, but I hardly see some of them, so it seems appropriate. So I would send an email to my aunts and uncles just informing them that it’s who I am and all of that, and then I would then send a separate message to my cousins..it would probably be best as a chain, so they know that everyone else knows. Does that seem appropriate? There’s no way I’m going to call them all up, and I hardly see most of them, so this seems best.

After that I think I would have to tamper with coming out to my friends from back home. After reading the above description of the situation with them, what do you think? I'm considering including it in a letter that I write to my closest friend (we write letters back and forth frequently even though I only live an hour away) and then maybe facebooking my other close friends one by one just saying that I know they might not like it, but it's who I am and I hope nothing changes between us. Then I guess I'll be forced to just let it spread around my hometown as it may, right? I mean, I can't expect them to hold onto my secret, and since I'm not there it won't really matter, right? Do you think that'd be a good idea? I honestly don't care how all of my acquaintances and non-friends find out...most of the people from my hometown are religious bigots who I hope I never see again, so if they want to hate me they can, lol.

And then I think I'll just tell my new friends when that's all over with. I probably won't do it until next school year, as coming out to my other friends and my family will take a while and I probably won't see my new friends over summer. I’m not super worried about them, as I said, but I honestly just don’t care as much about them, lol.

I'm sorry this is so long, but do you think this sounds like a good plan? You don't need to respond to the whole thing...I'm just looking for some advice and some verification of my ideas. Anything helps! Thanks!

 

Thank you both for replying! I've since realized that I don't need to come out to every single person in my extended family...I'll tell some of them, others will find out through their siblings or parents, others won't know until I'm in my twenties and getting married, and others will probably never know. That's fine with me.

After I posted this yesterday I wrote a coming out letter to my parents and I typed it up this morning. I'm waiting until after dinner to give it them, and then we'll just have to wait and see what happens! Wish me luck!

Thanks again for replying

 

I did it!

I came out of the bathroom after showering having had given my parents each a copy of the letter beforehand and my mom smiled and said “it’s all good.” Then we hugged, cried, and then my dad joined the hug and cried a bit, too. We sat down and talked about it all, and they support me and love me 150%. Apparently, they’ve known ever since I began questioning back in Fall 2009 ever since I texted my mom asking her if she’d kick me out if I was gay after reading “Keeping You a Secret”. They said all they want is for me to be happy, and that it’s who I am and they love me no matter what. They both think 90% percent of their families will be fine and love me no matter what, and my mom even said that her late mother would have been completely and utterly supportive and fine, which was the best thing I could have ever heard.

So, I’m out and it feels great.

Thanks for your support, EC!