So I’m moving into an apartment with some friends of mine in the fall. I’m out to one of them (who’s really my best friend) and the other one is currently overseas, but if I tell him, I’m not concerned about his reaction. The other one, however… we tend to get on each other’s nerves as it is. He’s pretty conservative and opinionated and in most ways the total opposite of me. (I know, I should have determined some of this before agreeing to move in with him.) I really don’t think it’s a good idea to come out to him, even though I want to. The risk is really just too great; if he has a problem with it (which I sense he would), he could easily make a big fuss over it (we’re at a Christian university, of all places) and I could be without a place to live. Plus, he’s got one year left here, and then he’s gone. I doubt I’ll be much in touch with him after this year. But I’m worried about how I’ll be able to handle this next year with him around… I guess I just feel uncomfortable carrying around this big secret some others know about. I don’t want him to find out until he’s gone, if even then. Does anyone have any tips on how I can handle this? I’m not too worried about him finding out. I’m still pretty much in the closet around campus, which I’m fine with, and nobody’s gonna be talking to him about it. The problem is more in me: I have trouble getting to know people now, if I can’t share the truth about myself with them. Any ideas/support would be so helpful! Thanks!
That's why I really wanted to come out. I understand that! Maybe you can see what your best friend thinks.. I would say based on what I know, tell your friend if you want to be completely out of the closet at your college, but otherwise, I would maybe wait to tell him.
I would definately ask your other room mates about it. I'm assuming that they know him better than you do, so who knows, maybe he's not what you think. Otherwise I would keep it to yourself for now and maybe just test the waters and see how he reacts when someone brings up the subject.
I certainly don't want to be totally out in college. And I feel no obligation to tell anyone (only a few know, and I'm not really looking to expand that number much at school)... but for some reason I feel like I almost owe it to him to tell him. I know I don't... but I guess having to hide it for a whole year just seems like a backwards step I don't want to take. But I'm not going to do anything stupid... I'd only tell him if I felt sure he wouldn't blab it. But I sense he might. So does anyone have any tips on how I can maybe look at this differently? I know I should see it as just one person to try to keep from finding out, and then once he's gone... but any tips? Thanks!
I had a friend who I joked about me being a lesbian with, and he always reacted kind of weird. He had a really big mouth too, and he's told secrets before, so I wasn't sure whether or not to tell him. When I outright asked him what he would think if I told him that I was a lesbian, he said that it would be weird and he didn't really know what to think. We ended up getting into a fight, and some things were said and I just kind of blurted it out... Our friendship was strained for a little while but he eventually came around and accepted it. He admitted that he was sort of homophobic before, but now that he knows someone who is gay he isn't anymore, because he's known me for a long time and won't judge me. Your friend might be the same way; really it all comes down to: Do you think it's worth telling him? You won't be seeing him much after a year, and it's not like he'll catch you with another guy and then feel hurt that you didn't tell him.
