I discussed the coming out here. So if you want to read, enjoy! Now, it was late one night and I was waiting for my mother to go to bed, so she wouldn't see my crying, if I did, while I was busy coming out to another friend of mine online. Just so you know, she's a lot older than me, but it's one of those age doesn't matter relationships. She's almost like a mother to me, so to speak. Yes, she is married. NO, we've been friends for a long time, so please don't get any ideas. She's a good friend! Now, I couldn't figure out to say it to her. She told me to just type one word and typed: "gay". And that's where it started. I told her that I was really confused. The confusion, which I reckon, is from that fact that it's against my religion. I'm religious. So I don't want my parents to find out. Not unless I'm 150.6% sure! So it's probably just a guilty confusion. She's a counsellor so we chatted for a while and she asked me whether I was gay because I am or because I haven't had an experience with a woman before. Wow! Okay, as if that didn't confuse me any further. She asked me what would happen if an experienced woman came along, nicely tied in pretty ribbons and came with an initiation, what would I do? What would I do? I think I'd probably take the offer to satisfy my confusion? Maybe. I know she doesn't have problems with homosexuality and does have gay friends, but all this question and such! We discussed for a while and now I ask this question. Am I gay because I might be "shy" to explore a woman or am I gay because I am? Now I'm feeling guilty about coming out to those other two friends. And I feel guilty coming out to her. I'm guilt stricken and I have to study for an exam, but can't really focus!!!
I think that you are gay because you are. i don't think being shy around women has anything to do with it. I'm shy around guys and i don't know why. i'm not sure if its untrust or fear that they may hit on me or like me. i wish that because i'm a lesbian i wouldn't have to worry and i try to be strong but there is always the 'are you sure' in my head. here is what i do. i say 'I am gay. i am not going to look at guys liek that and get myself all confused. i am going to stick with girls.' so i guess i just pick one and stick with it. you could be wondering all your life. so its like okay maybe i may like guys/girls but i'm not going to try and find out as i am perfectly happy sticking witrh guys/girls.
I am surprised that a counselor would say that to you! You should of asked her if she knew she was straight when she was still a virgin. Geez! Well I've read both your coming outs and I have to give kuddos to your friends who tried very much to make it easy for you. I think this friend will come around too. She just needs some education. I think to put a girl in that position is unfair. Who wants to be used as a "test" to see if you are truly gay or not? I wouldn't.
Thanks for the replies! It helped me calm down... a bit. I'm not really "shy" around Girls, I'm just not "into" them, so to speak. Sometimes I find it EASIER to talk to girls than guys. (the gay best girlfriend) (if the person I'm talking about here finds this forum and realizes it is she, please tell me) This woman hasn't counselled for a long time and if I remember it was just a kiddie counsellor at a shelter, don't want to ask her, might be offensive. Anyway, that mention about the "Experimental Girl" was just used as an, example(?), I seriously doubt she'll be looking for a prostitute for me. Maybe it is a bit of shock to her (being motherly and all). She said she suspected long ago, but not as sure right now. She said that now is the time for me to face any and all possibilities so I know that my future is clear, as she knew a friend who was involved with a guy, broke up and hooked up with a woman with whom he has a child now. I see her motivation behind it, but still don't like the guilt. and... It's still this guilt that's bothering me! The religion and parents. I don't hide anything from my parents, but I don't know (and don't want to know) what their reaction is going to be. xxAngelOnFirexx, true. Maybe I should make a decision and just stick to it. If it were only that easy. Thanks again!
Well, I think to answer your question: Are you turned on by guys? If you are, you are gay, if not then no. That might help you make a decision, which will make coming out easier. Anyway, good luck with all of this -Bryan
sometimes it would be so much easier if we werent so concerned about other people, it seems like you have enough to figure out on your own, with out bringing in the older women, the parents and the religion. I am religious, and I do not think that God, by any standards cares any less about people of a homosexual persuasion. Rule book or not. Take what Bryan said to heart, think long and hard about you want in a life partner. think about what excites you, what you want in bed. who you want to touch you. I am pretty sure that straight boys dont wake up one morning and go, "you know what? I am still a virgin, taht means i am gay", they are more likely going "dude, this is brutal, i need to tap some fine female ass and soon" listen to your instincts and make a decision based on that, dont rush yourself.
LOL! Somewhat crude, but true! :icon_redf I always just thought of myself as 'shy' around girls. But the reality is that I wasn't 'into' them either. I know it's tough to know for sure, because you can't crawl into a straight guy's head - but I think ebra has made captured that well here.
Guilt, wouldn't the world be and easier place without guilt! Your confusion is nomal, your guilt is normal, as you learn to deal with these things it will get easier. Don't rush ahead of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are to start with, tell some close supportive friends, build up your confidence in yourself and then see if it is the moment to tell your parents. They don't have to know NOW! You say you are religious, are there actual passages in the bible that condemn homosexuality? Are these the proven words of God or the interpretation of man on words translated from an ancient language. I think everyone can agree that the Ten Commandments were the words of God and meant to be taken literally. God made us, he made us loving creatures, he gave us the possibility to give and recieve sexual pleasure, we have sexual needs beyond the basic needs of procreation. He made us like this. Do you truely in your heart believe that God can condemn you and cast you out for being true to yourself. God made you as you are, God loves you as you are. Of course I know it is more complicated than that but I'm just cutting back to the bare basics. As for chosing and sticking to it, that seems a pity to me, leave yourself and your mind open, see who you are naturally attracted to, if its more boys well hey that's fine, if it's boy and girls, hey, that's fine too. I think you know for sure it's not just girls in the way a straight guy 'knows'. I would say that if you had chosen to beat up a little old lady and take her pension then yes you should feel guilty and ashamed of yourself, and I would be the first to condemn you but, what have you done wrong? Is this a choice or just the way you are? Don't be too hard on yourself.
You aren't gay just because you haven't tried it with girls. I once said to a friend when they asked "You haven't had a boyfriend, how do you know?" I replied "The reason I haven't had a boyfriend is because I don't see them in that way and I've never met a member of the male population that ever made me want to have them as a boyfriend." That shut them up. I know how I feel about girls and I know how I feel about guys. If I ever do meet a male who makes me feel that way, then I'll rethink my sexuality, but for now, it's just girls who do it for me.
Phew! Who'd have thought that something that should be so "primitive" would be so difficult? At least I got some studying done for exams! It's true, I didn't just wake up one day, :idea: and think: "I want to be gay! ", it just became that way. Besides, my thoughts (read as fantasies) don't include women, they include men, pure and simple (and gorgeous). Your view on religion. Yes, I don't agree with our teachings on that. I read an interesting discussion which states that Jesus did not ONCE mention homosexuality and have found it to be true. Now, since my religion is Christianity, wouldn't that mean I follow what Jesus said, not what man made out of other passages? Agreed, I don't see homosexuality wrong within the ten commandments. I surely won't covet my neighbour's wife That "older woman", we spoke again and said she accepts me and that nothing has changed. She apologized for pouring that confusion over me. I feel that I'm beginning to accept myself for who I am and who I like and by whom I'm turned on. And if I'm ever really turned on by a girl, well, cue the confusion again!
