1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My mum thinks this is just a phase....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hexagon, May 2, 2011.

  1. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    I came out as trans to my parents about... 3 weeks ago? They took it pretty well. Until they voiced their concerns about it being a phase.

    I have a bit of a complicated history regardng gender and sexuality. Deep down, I've always known I wasn't supposed to be female, and I guess it was about five months ago that I came out to myself. But before then, I got caught up in straight society's idea that lesbians are all butch and closer to men, and in semi-denial and fully aware that i liked girls, I thought I was gay. I was wrong... I thought being gay would be enough, but I realised society was wrong, and that gender and sexuality are completely unrelated. I also realised I like guys as well. So much for being gay.

    I've explained all of that to her as simply as possible, but she keeps on vicing the same concerns and issues with my GID as before. My mum also seems to think that I've only just realised I'm trans, when in reality I was about five when I knew I was in the wrong body. I keep telling her that just because she has known about it for three weeks, it doesn't mean it didn't exist before then. She doesn't listen, and says that she thinks I've been construing my life experiences in a certainw way in an effort to be different. (From the age of eight till almost eleven, I lived as a boy, but went back into the closet after about a year of solid transphobic bullying.)

    Now she's reluctantly got me a doctors appoint, but I know there's no way in hell she's going to approve hormone therapy unless I somehow manage to convince her that I'm really trans, and I can't get it without parental permission.

    My dad is uncomfortable with my GID, but he tries to be understanding. My mum has influenced him with her 'phase' theory though, and he's getting less sympathetic by the second.

    I need to figure out what to say to both of them beofre my doctor's appointment (in seven days) to convince them that I'm realy trans. I don't really care if its true at this point, so long as its realistic. I don't need to convince myself, you see.

    Help... this body is driving me crazy. I really need to do something, and HRT is my only option. I'm also sinking back into depression which is scaring me.

    (PS: when I was 12/13, I was depressed because of my gender dysphoria, mainly due to puberty starting. I did some pretty bad stuff to myself which my mum doesnt know about. The depression is coming back. This, according to my mum was my 'emo' phase, which is ridiculous since I never even said I was, but it supports her theory somehow.)

    (PPS: Sorry its so long)

    (PPPS: I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which has affected me quite severely. One of it's symtoms is high testosterone levels. My mum thinks these are my reasons for wanting to be a guy. I've told her that I've felt this way long before puberty and my T levels kicked in, but once again, she won't listen.)
     
    #1 Hexagon, May 2, 2011
    Last edited: May 2, 2011
  2. snackcake

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2011
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    RubiksCube:
    You have a lot going on. I'm sorry things seem so hard right now. Let me give you my "Mom" perspective...My daughter said she was bi when she was 12/13. Our family had a lot going on at the time. I felt like she was going through a phase but it was her belief so I supported her in that. For me, it's hard to believe that you know anything about sexuality when you're that young...especially if you don't have any experiences to pull from. I didn't press the issue. I checked in with her from time to time to see how I could support her. I answered questions when she had them. And I waited to see where she wanted to go with her discovery. She's dating a guy now. I asked if she still felt she was bi--she said yes. She's older now and I feel like she's still learning herself. But I get to continue to support her in whatever decision she makes. That works for us both.

    This is soooo new to your parents. Revealing this to them just three weeks ago doesn't give them enough time to pull themselves together to support you yet. If you just told them...maybe you need time to discuss the changes you want to occur in your life more in detail with them. Honestly, seven days is really not enough time for them to process something that you've already been processing for some time now. I think it's going to be so much better if you and your parents can work through this together. Maybe the doctor's appointment can serve more as an informational meeting as opposed to a now or never type of thing and you can ease them into your transition. Good Luck! I hope this helps.
    SC
     
  3. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Thing is, I never said I expected them to come to terms with this in three weeks. I never really even meant to come out to them, but things were getting worse - they still are. I'm scared about getting depressed again.
     
  4. ToTheCeilingFan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2010
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere over the rainbow...
    Dude, you are so brave; not only have you accepted your gender, but you've taken a big (and necessary) risk by telling your parents. You do need to realize that it will take them a while to accept it (it took you at least seven years to accept it yourself, right?). You probably didn't want to believe it yourself for a while. Be patient with them. The PFLAG website has a lot of really great information that may help them be more understanding. Do they still accept you and say that they love you? Although support is always awesome, sometimes tolerance is all we can get.
    Good luck, sending cyberhugs your way. (*hug*)
     
  5. Hexagon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2011
    Messages:
    8,558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Earth
    Thanks... I'll try PFLAG. And I guess your right about it taking them time... just hopefully not seven years.