Hi guys. I'm just wondering if anyone has had the same problem I'm having and how they dealt with it. I'm struggling a fair bit at the moment. My parents are fantastic people. They're good, and nice, and honest, and humble, and they've worked so hard their entire lives to the point now where they have a beautiful house and two grown-up kids (me and my sister). They don't know I'm gay, and it's not because they'd be against it or anything, but it's because they love me too much. I know what would happen if I came out - my dad would never say it but he'd worry himself to death. And my mum would support me 100 percent of the way but on the inside she'd be heartbroken because it means that my chances of a stable relationship or of a family are so slim. My sister got married recently and we were watching her wedding video the other day. The thing that hit me was how happy my parents looked. How proud. And it made me feel like the lowest of the low because I'm going to deprive these wonderful, lovely people of the things that they deserve. I feel like they've always done so much for me and my sister and I'm just turning around and slapping them in the faces. And the worst part is that if I came out tomorrow they'd be on board 100 percent, just because it's me. And them my mum would cry because she'd worry so much. I absolutely can't do it. I know that there comes a point where we all have to fail to live up to the expectations that our parents set. But this isn't just not becoming a doctor or moving interstate; this is a single fact that will permeate into every facet of my entire life. I'm depriving them of grandkids, of a daughter-in-law, of the happy ending that they want for me more than anything else. I know in a sense I'm lucky; I know many people have parents that are not nearly so accepting. But in another sense I wish they cared less, or wouldn't be cool - because they're caring absolutely kills me.
I felt some of what you are feeling before I came out to my parents but if I could give you 1 piece of advice it would be this: The one thing all parents like yours and mine want most for their children above all of the fantasies of rich granduer, dazzling careers, beautiful grandchildren etc, etc is for their children to be happy and by never telling them and never living your life as the truth you will deprive them and yourself of this. Its tough I sympathise whole heartedly but I think given the choice they would want to know, just because you are gay doesnt mean you wont have a stable partner it doesnt necessarily mean you cant have kids and it doesnt mean you cant be a happy and loving son, you could be straight and marry a woman they disapproved of, or not have grandchildren or do things that would be so much worse than living your life as the way you were born.
Don't worry, you're not depriving your parents of anything they deserve. While they might have expectations, they will adjust. I imagine your parents really want what's best for you, for you to be happy. They even could be glad when you come out, as they might have guessed there was something making you more reserved, and that being more open about who you are will make you happier, more confident. And once they get used to the idea of you being gay, they will probably look forward to your wedding day the same as they always have done, except that they'll imagine you with a man who's right for you, rather than a woman. I don't know where you are, but there's a good chance that within a reasonable time there will be at least some recognition of gay relationships there, if not marriage. I'll repeat what silverhalo said, there's no reason you won't be won't be able to find a stable relationship if you're gay. Check out this video of a couple together 61 years [YOUTUBE]W-0436fi780[/YOUTUBE] As to a family, or grandchildren, imagine for some other biological reason a couple wasn't able to naturally have children. Some type of infertility, it doesn't matter exactly. It happens, is rare but not uncommon. Such a couple would decide to either not have children, or like Monica and Chandler in Friends, have to think through the options, or adoption, artificial insemination or surrogacy. It's the same with gay couples. And again, the only thing they deserve is a son living up to his own full potential, being the best he can be, and being true to himself. And you owe that to yourself more than anyone else. Look forward to the day you can bring home the perfect son-in-law, who they will be pleased with, because they know and trust he will care for you. Yes, I'm thinking long term here, but just trying to paint a happy picture of gay life for you as an alternative to what you are imagining. (*hug*)(*hug*)
My parents are very overprotective of me too, i have a sister and i'm not out yet, so i know exactly how you feel. :] But if you think about it, if you live a straight life, you would be living for your parents and not for you. Can you lie on your death bed, knowing that you lived a lie and that you weren't living as you but as a person and product that society said you should have been? Secondly, if you get married to a girl, what if it leads to divorce? What if she catches on that you are gay like a lack of ***? it could cause more headaches like splitting of marital property and alimony payments, etc. Bottomline is that you have to do what makes you happy and what's in your best interest. Can you take on being "straight"? I hope you do make a decision one day whatever it may be and I hope that that decision makes YOU happy and fulfilled. GENUINELY HAPPY not fake happy lol :]
Yep, I felt pretty similar to what you described. Its actually a fairly common feeling. That coming out to our parents would be hurting them and failing their expectations, but thats actually not the case. By you coming out you are not failing your parents one single bit. Like everyone else said, your parents want you to be happy. How do you think they would feel if they know they are the reason for you being unhappy? When I came out to my mom I was scared shitless about her reaction, mainly that they will see me as a failure. Turns out I was scared for no reason. Their reaction wasn't perfect, but they did come around and now they are very supportive of me. Yes, my mom cried for weeks, but at the end she told me that she was more upset about me not telling her sooner than for me being gay. She felt like she had failed as a mom for not being able to be there for me while I was all alone dealing with so much pain and doubt. The point is that you shouldn't worry about your parents. Give them a chance to prove you wrong Also, like everyone else already said, you will still be able to live a happy life with kids, stable relationship and whatever else you want if you so desire. Being gay will only change the gender of your loved one. Nothing else.
