This guy came out to me and I dated him for four months. We are both drum majors in marching band, and we will both likely be next year. The relationship ended horribly in November/December. He was a great friend before we dated, and then we didn't talk for months. After months of trying to be friends with this guy, I finally gave up. He ignored my facebook messages. I decided that I never want to date this guy again, but I would love to be friends, and we eventually will have to communicate next marching season. Sunday night, he texted me asking if we could be friends again. I didn't hesitate to say yes at all, but he wanted more. He wanted me back. He broke up with his boyfriend who he dated right after me two weeks ago. And as nicely as I could, I refused. I find out shortly after that he doesn't want me necessarily, he simply wants any guy at all. He is out to three guys, and he has told me that he would take anyone in a heartbeat. Before sunday, he wasn't on speaking terms with two of us, and the third guy was his boyfriend a couple weeks ago. He tried in any way possible to get back with me again yesterday, unsuccessully obviously. In this attempt I caught him lying to me numerous times, and he even told me that he likes three guys. Today he asked me if I would help him try to get the third guy back together with him. I said that I didn't want to get involved. This guy is simply a pathetic mess who is obsessed with being with a guy right now. I can tell that he is not thinking rationally. This guy is not the guy I was friends with in June before we got together. I even told him that he neeeds to become more confident with himself. The truth is, I am worried for him. He is not a confident person at all, and never has been. He has very little going for him at all. Many people don't like him, he is in a glass closet (he is obviously gay, but in the closet), his parents will not likely be accepting at all if he ever comes out, and it is clear that he is obsessed with getting a guy. I am still worried because I want to be his friend, and I do need to get along with him, but this is not the guy who I was friends with a year ago. This person is much more pathetic, desperate and much more of a jack ass. Any advice is welcome. Right now, I have completely ruled out dating him ever again obviously. I decided to stay out of his drama to get together with a guy right now. I also have given him advice, which was to be single for awhile and get to know yourself more. I don't want to help him with all of his problems, especially if he doesn't want to accept the help. And thank you very much for reading all of this !
First off, I think you did the sensible thing in not going back to him, as well as staying out of his search for a bf. From the sounds of things, you've done all you can. You've figured out why he thinks he needs a bf (Getting to know himself more, feeling more secure, etc.) And you've given him pretty sound advice, It's wether or not he'll take it. Unless you know any other way of boosting his self confidence that DOESN'T involve getting a bf ( It doesn't sound like he's good for an honest relationship) then i don't see any other way of helping him. I hope things turn out ok. Take care mate.(*hug*)
Sadly, the only think you can do here is to let him know that if he needs help you will be there for him and then let him make his own mistakes. Like the above poster said, great decision in not going back with him. Those relationships are the ones that will drag you down.
IMO, you have done the right thing. Let him deal with his life, especially if you have tried many times to get through to him. enjoy your own life and NEVER let anyone else influence that. You are worth it!!
