I've seen many post on guys questioning their sexualities and this is my story well part of it *since i was young i knew i liked guys and when i got to high school i thought some girls were attractive I'd even had girlfriends and some of my relationships were sexual with them but then i started becoming depressed because i really wanted to be with a guy, so i came out as bisexual, now i am 23 and i am gay well at least 95% (haha pretty gay) with a 5% attraction towards girls,(FYI i haven't been with a guy yet) i don't know, I think some women are good looking but I just find myself sexually attractive and wanting to actually be in a relationship with men more , this is a problem because i have a girlfriend and well she is great but there is nothing there at least on my part. she's really pretty but I met this guy and i have not done anything with him because i don't cheat but he likes me too we been hanging out for a few months, he's gorgeous, so down to earth and has a brain. This is so messed up because my GF is great and i don't want to hurt her but this guy who i consider a friend right now is so amazing and we basically told each other how we feel but i don't do anything about it and he is sympathetic about my situation and doesn't pressure me to make a decision but I'm afraid if i don't make my move he will move on, we live in Manhattan so some guy will make a play for him . this sucks so much. not to mention i have to come out all over again but as gay to my family and friends.
Firs of all, welcome to EC! Right now it seems like you know what you want. You know you like men and you know you want to experience it. Well, if you want to do things correctly, I'm afraid you are going to have to break up with your girlfriend. Its not fair to you or her to stay together when its simply not working out. It will be tough to do, but be glad you figured it out now and not after you married someone. After you break up with her then feel free to explore as much as you want. Just ALWAYS use protection Also, don't feel pressured about coming out again. There is no need if you don't want to. They already know you like guys and, with time, they will probably figure out just how much you like them .
First things first: break up with your girlfriend, because, as you say, "there is nothing there on your part." That should be your focus. You could tell her that you're not feeling anything anymore, and it's not fair to her or you to continue the relationship. In case you get some pushback, it's up to you if you want to go further and let her know that you are discovering yourself some more, and you now realize that rather than bisexual you are gay. Because you are...just because you find girls attractive (I do too) doesn't mean you want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with one. I also agree that there is no need to come out again later...just show up with a boyfriend If anyone questions, just ask them what part of bisexual did they not understand. Of course, you could then clarify your evolving orientation if you'd like.
Hi, Ryan! Welcome to EC. You've received some good advice and suggestions so far and I echo what's already been said. One of my good friends was in your situation, had been going out with his high school sweetheart, they'd known each other for years and had planned to marry... except that he was gay. So he finally decided that he was gay (he'd been fooling himself that he was bi and figured out that wasn't really the case) and took the bull by the horns and decided to tell her. She was, of course, very upset, both of them cried a whole lot... but she understood, and they've remained great friends. (She's now his fag hag.) And he'd already found a guy he really liked and so they started going out and were together for a pretty long time, 8 months or so. He's now with a different person and has been with him for close to a year and is very happy. So... I think you're headed down the same path. It's time to tell your girlfriend. I think it might be better to tell her you're gay, but that depends on whether or not you're ready to come out. It sounds like you're pretty comfortable with who you are, so perhaps you are ready and just need a little nudge. I think that would be the better (not to mention, more honest) solution, and she will probably be a little less devastated if she knows you're gay than if she just thinks you don't like her. But of course that call is up to you. And as TheEdend said... being safe is important. It's easy to get tempted to not use condoms, particularly when you're new to the gay scene, but with the level of infection of various STIs floating around -- not just HIV but others that are as bad and some worse -- it's really important, to keep yourself safe, that you always use protection, even if you're convinced your boyfriend is Mr. Integrity and would never cheat; it's just not a risk you want to take for yourself. In any case, I hope you'll stick around and continue to keep us in the loop about what's going on for you.
Just tell her how you feel. Do it in person though. Just be like 'I think you're a great person, but I just don't think it's working out, I just don't feel myself in this relationship.' If she cares, she will understand.
