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Making confession

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Samii, Nov 5, 2007.

  1. Samii

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    Hello~ It is Samii with many question again~

    If you are not reading before please read http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4536 so you are understanding.

    All person I am talking with is saying they are thinking best friend is liking me in this way. Now I am thinking how to confess feeling to him. Many time in past I am telling him I love him. Some time he is laughing. I am saying I am serious and he is thinking this is joke or thinking this is as friend.

    I am giving so many hint for so many year~ Asking if he is wanting to go dating with me for dinner. Telling I am missing him if he is being away. Not allowing other person be touching me in way he is always touching me. Now I am thinking I am doing these thing so long that he is not taking serious.

    I am having idea to make him very drunk and ask if he is liking me this way. He is very honest at certain time when drunk. He will not be remembering in morning! If he is saying no I am never speaking of again and he is never knowing. If he is saying yes I am talking with him when he is not drunk. But this is more difficult then it is sounding! He is often not wanting me with him when he is drinking. I do not know why. Every time I am trying some thing is ruining!

    I am needing other idea. I am not wanting to say I am needing serious talk with him. Or making big situation out of this. I am wanting him to be comfortable or he will shut out.

    We are having same friend who recent is asking him if he is having feeling for me. She is asking this for me. But he is getting upset saying every person is thinking he is gay and not talking with her after this. But he is not answering question. At this time he is ignoring me for big part of day and not wanting to be seeing me. Being very mean with me. But after this is acting normal as no thing is happening.

    I do not want to be upsetting him. But not knowing answer is difficult! If he is not liking me this way this is OK. I will always be friend. I am only friend for 8 year. I am OK with this. But I am wanting to know!
     
  2. Louise

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    Although normally I would not think that it is a good idea to get someone drunk to find an answer, you problem is so difficult that in this instance it is maybe a possibility.

    What I see though it that your friend, even if he does love you, even if he is gay, he doesn't seem ready either to say it to you, or to himself. I think your friend is gay but does not want to be. Does this make sense? Don't force him to be something he doesn't want to be before he is ready.

    If he was mean to you after your friend talked with him it is because he is scared of his feelings for you, scared to be rejected, scared to be hurt, scared to be GAY so he turns to agression and meaness.

    I know you need to know, I understand, but I also understand this is maybe too hard for your friend. This isn't just about you.

    Have you talked to your friend about homosexuality in general terms. You could try to find out why it is so scary, so BAD to be gay and help him along the path to acceptance of himself without forcing the issue and making his life more difficult than it already is.

    Please don't rush things and upset your friend, he seems very fragile. Be his friend, love him and very gently push him in the right direction.
     
  3. Samii

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    Yes. I am never wanting to be hurting or upsetting him any way!

    He is having many gay friend and this is OK with him. But he is having abuse in past that is causing troubles with him. I understand this and why he is not wanting to say if he is liking other man.

    If this is truth this is causing more pain with Shido. Many time he is seeming that he is wanting to be saying some thing to me but starting and not saying. Saying this is no thing. To be never minding. For long time I am thinking this is about pain in past. But now I am thinking it is this thing.

    I know all thing are very difficult for Shido. I understand. I am always being friend no matter what is happening. But he is lonely person. Always being sad in winter holiday seeing couple everywhere. I only want Shido happy~
     
  4. Ilayis

    Ilayis Guest

    I know I told this friend of mine how I feel about him in a letter and now he gets very quiet when I'm around and I'm learning to live with it without exactly knowing what he thinks if he's interested or not,maybe going to bring it up again in the future.Maybe you can do the same,just let it be for a little while still being a good friend,then bring it up again later on?
    Good Luck Samii
     
  5. Louise

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    Hi, I have been giving a lot of thought to what you say about getting your friend drunk.

    Please don't. Your friend sounds very fragile, if he feels that you have tricked him into talking about something so terrible for him that he can't admit it he might feel betrayed, that he can't trust you to respect his privacy.

    I know you love your friend, I know you are unhappy but the things from his past cannot be erased, they are his past and he must live with this. Love him, support him, be there for him. I think forcing the issue could leave you both very unhappy.
     
  6. ebra

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    Samii,
    tough situation buddy, I think Louise is right ((wow..she does that alot. lol)) do not get him drunk. lol although I must admit I have been tempted to go that way myself. It is hard for you, but maybe you need to do what I have been doing. Be the best friend to him you have always been, keep telling him that you love him and that you will be there for him, even if he jokes and laughs it off, it is getting though! The girl I like is the same way, she just ignores it or jokes but I do know she understands and she will come around when she is ready, just like Shido.

    If the person that hurt him when he was younger was man, this probably puts him in a very tense and painful situation. If he does have feelings for you, it probably makes it hard for him to see the situation as good. It might make him angry, or upset because he might blame it on his past, and that might be why he reacts like he does when someone asks him about it. Just be patient and keep showing your love, because like I said, even if it doesnt go anywhere right away it is getting through and it is important and I hope that everything will work out for you two.