(Sorry for the second thread, it was a bit crappy so I thought I'd try again) So I've been pretty stressed lately, damn you A levels, and I don't think this "secret" is going to hold much longer. So I thought I'd try and get it over with, I don't really want to go and tell everybody but I just want SOMEBODY TO KNOW. Trouble is, I have no idea who. There have been a couple of instances where I just wanted to say it, but then I bottle out at the last minute. Especially to my mum: The other day I was at home with my mum, my dad and sister were out somewhere and we were just eating dinner. I have a feeling my mum is open minded, we haven't really talked about homophobia because it's something I try to avoid. I love my mum, much so then my dad (My dad is an alcaholic asshole), and I normally tell her everything. But this is one thing which I have kept from her. I think she is the best person to tell, my dads an ass and my sister is too young to really understand anything. Nobody else in the family I think would were, they're either not exactly "close", young, or somebody I don't think I could tell. I'd rather not tell my friends, because then it'll seep through as it does and she might find out one way or another. And I really don't want that. I was just wondering if this is "normal"? Is there any subtle ways I could tell if my mum would be alright with me? I'm willing to answer any questions that would help .
Whilst I am out to some people I can almost completely understand your situation, as I have/am in much of the same position. Firstly, I can understand that the secret of keeping up your grades and not telling anyone is causing you a lot of stress. If it safe to do so I would recommend coming out to someone you know will support you- possibly your mum or a good friend? I don't know if this applies to you but I often get the feeling that I can't be "out" without my parents knowing, and to some degree that is true. However, I did end up coming out to some close and even not so close friends. Amazingly, their reactions were nothing but positive. It's quite likely that at least someone you know will have no issue with it! If you are close with your Mum but are not sure how she will react and want to come out to her you could test how she deals with the subject. For example, maybe you could bring up someone who recently came out in the media etc. and ask "What do you think about this Mum?". I hope that helps. Good luck!
Hi,you dont say where you are,but i am guessing the uk by your spelling.If this is the case,you cant help but see how things gay related are becoming normal in all tv shows etc.By exposing everyone to everyday life things are getting more and more accepted by everyone. As far as your mum goes,how does she react to gay scenes on tv?Is she partculaly relidgious person speaking of sins etc?Have you any gay relatives or does she know anyone who is gay/how open is she?If you can answer those questions in your head you should see things clearer. Once you have the urge to tell someone,the urge gets stronger to a point of being where you "have to tell someone"and as this occurs your confidence grows and starts to become stronger than your fears and you just feel right to come out.Dont get the idea it is as easy as it sounds because your first time coming out is hard,but well worth it and it does get easier the more you do it. If your mum is the person you feel comfortable to tell,you do have a good way to open the conversation,you can say that it has always been good that you could tell her anything and want to continue to be open and honest with her and you feel you should just let her know you are gay.Keep it simple and to the point and keep as calm as you can.Be prepared to answer some questions,maybe even feel insulted,but keep calm and remember she may be shocked etc.You sound close with your mum,have you ever considered that she already has an incline,alot of mums pick up on these things and only really need it confirming. AS far as being normal,we all fear rejection,especialy by our parents and this is why alot of people choose a close friend or sibling to come out to first,this has its advantages but as you realise,there is the constant fear that she will hear it from someone else first. You sound to have a good relationship with your mum,so unless you see any big red flags i would say you should be good to go.As you have always talked in the past opening up again could bring you even closer again. Good luck
