I feel like I don't deserve help or support. I feel like I'm aren't important enough. I feel that my problems seem too small and silly to bother someone with. Maybe this is because when I reach out for help, someone always says something like "Oh, that's nothing. There are people with way worse problems. Some people struggle to live day to day because they dont have enough food, clean water, or shelter. Compared to that, you have nothing" Now, all I want is help and support, and someone to care. Someone who won't ridicule me or my problems. Someone who won't call me a whiney little needy bitch. Because truth is, I have depression. Truth is, I can't do this by myself. Truth is, I need help. And truth is, that help's becoming hard to find. Yes, I know that my problems may seem like nothing to some people, but for me, they're consuming me from the inside out. And can I cope? No. Yes, I am suicidal at times. But, I want to get better. But I can't do it by myself. And in RL I have no one. Not one of my friends seem to care that I often want to die. That I feel so bad I want to take my life. That everyday it's harder for me to smile. But yet I keep going. I drag my feet through every day. I'm barely functioning. I know I'm not eating enough, but I can't be bothered eating more. I'm constantly tired, no matter how much or how little I sleep. I have no motivation to do anything, and on top of all that, I feel cut off from the world, and have no family support. My mum knows about my sexuality and depression. But she's treated me differently since I came out. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Before you say see a counsellor, I'm going to. As soon as I ring and make an appt. As soon as I organise my life so I can make one. But I will make one. I hate feeling like this. I want to get better. But, I need support. Also, I'm so stressed right now.. I'm trying to balance my life, whilst cope with depression, whilst pass at school, whilst often helping suicidal friends. And I've reached breaking point. There's more I need to talk about, but I can't quite work out how to word it... And if you read this far, thankyou. And, sorry it was so long. I just need to let it all out...
Hey, a lot of people think that their depression is stupid because it's a "bunch of little things that don't matter". But the truth is that if these things are causing you to be depressed and even suicidal, they really do matter. And I'm proud of you for recognizing that. That you do need help. It won't be easy but it will get better if you get help, which you want. If your friends really don't care, then I think it's time to try and get new friends. I know that if you continue to remember that you need help and you get it, you will feel better. I've been through that and once I accepted that I couldn't get through it on my own, I got a therapist and now I'm a lot better. And don't forget you always have EC if you feel that there's no one around that you can talk to.
Thankyou. I just... Idk... Need to talk I guess. Just be able to let it all out.... Tho I'm likely to burst into tears..
Hey. Just want to say hang in there. I've got depression too, and it sucks. I totally agree usually the worst part is feeling like you don't even deserve to be depressed, not to mention to get help. It makes me feel crazy. And trying to get into counseling is so hard! Ugh. Good luck. I'm trying, too. Keep us updated. Knowing you need to find help is an important step, and staying connected on here can help, at least a tad, until you do. ::hugs::
