Okay so heres my story. Im 20 years old im pretty sure im a lesbian. Im in the closet. never been in a relationship, But anyways so my best friend and i took a roadtrip to see our friend we slept in the same bed and she always wanted to cuddle at night.. also the drive was 18 hours ...we stayd awake the whole time talking we never got bored. well when we go back we started hanging alot more and she flirts with me all the time sits close to me, compliments my boobs, stars at them. ask to holds hands (i cant tell if its a joke or not) we once got drunk just me and her and cuddle really close...then She has never kissed a girl before and i have kissed serveral girls drunk and a few sober. One night when we where drunk we made out it was even her idea. The next day we joked out me taking her girl kiss. Well the next time we got drunk we went to this even bigger party and well i tryd to make out with her again then..and she got upset with me So i was confused...she kisses me on the cheek when she is drunk all the time., so...again we go to another party. and she walks me out to where my car is because i was getting a ride home. because i had to work early and she held hands with me the whole way to the car. (in a very public place it was acually like a dance/club thing) when we got to the car we hugged and kissed me cheek a few times(more like right next time my lips not my cheek) and i said to her "give me a kiss on the lips you know you want too" and without thinking she kissed me on the lips(not making out just a peck) told me she loved me and i left. Also when we are drunk she is always calling me baby and babe. and lately she does it sober every once in a while too,she texts me all the time. But the thing is she likes this guy and i am very supportive and even told this guy to ask her out. because the thing is if she isnt a lesbian and doesnt want to be with me like i want to be with her i want her to be happy. he is a nice boy and im sure they would be good together. anyways last night i told him to ask her out and he did finally. so i dont no what to do because if she feels the way i do...and im not telling her maybe she has feelings for me but wont tell me. So my question is do you think she is a lesbian? and what should i do? :icon_sad:
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. It's always tough to know how someone else is feeling. What we generally suggest to people is the only way to prompt someone else to come out is for you to come out first, and hope that they are inspired to come out to you at the same time. But don't count on it. We all come to that point of self acceptance at different times in our life. So the fact that you have come to believe that you're a lesbian (and you're presumably OK with that) doesn't mean that she's in the same place, even if she seems to act as though she is. Hope that helps.
It is quite possible that she is closeted and at least "by curisous" however it sounds as if her idea of things are similar to your own. She is "unsure of" he sexuality. One thing that concerns me however is that you require a substance to bond with her. You need to have a serious talk with her I think and it needs to be a sober one. Tell her these feelings you have, and also understand that she may not be able to understand right now. This is a confusing thing for most people, especially when they are unsure of themselves. Best of wishes dearie.
You'll never know for sure unless she tells you or you ask her. In this case, I wouldn't just flat-out ask her, since you mentioned that she got upset with you at a party. Maybe try talking to her about how what she's doing sends you mixed messages and how you feel. You can't really guess someone's true feelings.
thanks for all the advice everyone! and its not that we need a substance when we hang out we hang out all the time we acually been friends for about six years now its just recently has the sexual tension between us been so strong...sober and drunk..i think we use alcohol so we dont have to confront our feelings thus leaving one(me) or both of us out on the battlefield without a shield
My main rule in this situation is to simply lay your cards on the table. Specifically the "I'm gay/bi" card. You can hold on to the "...and I think I have feelings for you" card for awhile. If you make the first move, and if she feels the same way, she'll feel more comfortable following in your footsteps. Lex
What still alarms me is the fact you need the alcohol to confront, or ignore any feelings. Weather they are sexual feelings or not. I am an ex drug/substance abuser, so please understand this is coming from a place of real concern, but as I said before, this talk you have with your friend needs to be a sober one. And I would leave it that way from now on. When you start mixing alcohol or any substance with a relationship you begin to forget the true feelings you have for someone, and as you said you are essentially on the battle field with no shield. Vulnerability and relationships go together like the laws of physics. As do passion, gult, and shame. You must love yourself before you can full heartedly love another.
