I am a violinist studying music at university, and I have a mini-crisis that I could use some help with. Let me explain. So I've never really had much confidence in my performing, but during sixth form when I went to music school, what confidence I had, I lost. I got so completely slammed down by the standard of the music there that I started thinking of myself as 'not good enough', 'never going to be good enough' and 'everyone else is better'. Yes I am aware that it's not a good mindset to be in. The thing is, I love playing my violin and I would do anything to just be able to get up on stage and perform with confidence. I know I can do it well when I practice alone, or in a lesson, but when I have to play to an audience I freak out. I have a performance exam coming up in a few days, and today a group of friends and I sat down in an ensemble room to hear each other's repertoire. When I did mine, I had to stop a few lines in, let someone else go before me, and then try again. That's how bad it was. Whenever I'm in front of an audience I start trembling so badly that I can't play my instrument right, even if I try to tell myself that I can do it. I can barely even do it in informal situations. Whenever my mum etc. asks me to play for her/her friends/whoever my automatic response is to say 'no' and make up some lame excuse, which she obviously doesn't buy and tells me that I'm being selfish/indignant/whatever. If I do muster up the courage to do it, afterwards I always feel as though it could have gone better even if people tell me I played well. So my question is: How the hell can I get out of this negative mindset? And I don't mean things like 'Just tell yourself you can do it', that doesn't work because it doesn't change my actual belief. I need something to make me believe it, but I don't know what and I feel really stuck! ...Help?
This is going to sound really weird, but it's worked for me, so you might give it a try. I'll give you two different versions of the same thing, and you can see if either one might work. First, buy yourself a small stuffed animal, or a small plastic toy. Here's a cute one, for example. Then, each time you rehearse or practice, put that thing in front of you. Somewhere in plain sight. And play. Directly to it. Feel free to mentally build a bit of a persona for it, if you'd like. But make it a very simple and positive persona. "Lexy likes violin music, and he enjoys hearing me play." As you play, look at his smile, and think about how he might react to each part of the piece. "This part is quiet - it'll make him relaxed. This is the fun part - he'll smile more here. And this is the exciting part - he'll start tapping his foot." The point is to focus on playing your piece directly for HIM, and thinking of his reaction to each part. And do this EVERY time you rehearse, practice or play. Then, when you go to perform, bring him with you. Place him in your chair as you get up to play. Then, again, play to HIM. HE's your audience. Think only of HIM, and how he responds (generically and favorably) to the parts that you play. By doing so, you've created a simple and positive audience to play to, which will give you something to focus on while you perform. And since you've performed for Lexy so many times already, it won't be so nerve-wracking. Some people can do this without the totem. They can invent a person or fictional character to perform to. And then they can simply focus on that fictional persona while they perform. If you think you can go that route, by all means - go for it. But there's nothing wrong with taking Lexy along if it helps. Lex
Lol thanks, I might actually try that. I have a good imagination, so I think I'll invent some fictional person Also, my friend drew smiley faces all over my score, maybe that'll help, haha.
I have the same thing, sort of. I practised 2 and a half hours a day for 5 months for my piano exam and I was convinced I was gonna fail cos I couldn't let anyone listen. People panic me, very badly and I hate to think of people looking at me/listening to me . I went into the exam and ignored the examiner beyond 'hello, my name is....' I didn't look over my shoulder at the end of each piece, I stared at the floor during the spoken knowledge exam; I basically pretended he wasn't there and I was just playing for myself, by myself. I suppose this is kinda a more drastic for of what Lex said about buying a stuffed animal. It worked well for me (90/100; I kinda flopped sight reading and got a time sig wrong in oral [the answer was 6/8 not 3/4]) Another thing you could do is practice performing for a recording device, even if its just a bad one in a phone/laptop. You can listen back and realise how good you are, little-miss-music-school I hope it goes well for you
Heh. If you heard the rest of the people from said music school you would not believe I came from the same place. -.- Anyhow, this exam isn't a grade exam, it's a university module for which I need a prerequisite mark if I want to continue to performance level 2 (Otherwise I have to drop the module and pick something else which I don't really want to do). Thanks for the advice.
Another oldie-but-goodie that a number of my conservatory friends claimed worked for them... imagine the audience is naked, or in their underwear, while you're clothed. Gives you a strong perceived "power" over them. Ultimately, this comes from anxiety that has its root in your own feeling of self-worth. The fear stems from some deep unconscious (and completely irrational) belief that you're not good enough / you're an imposter, something like that. So over the long term, the key is to work on your own sense of self-esteem. If you're a reader type, I strongly recommend Brene Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection" which helps us to understand the origin of those sorts of esteem issues. There are a couple of videos that sort of introduce the concepts that Dr. Brown speaks of that might help. They won't change things in the short term, but they begin the process of helping you and your unconscious understand why these behaviors exist, which is a big part of, in the long term, extinguishing the behavior.
I sort of see where you're coming from with this, because in the past I used to think I was a fairly confident person. It's in more recent years that I've begun to realize that maybe my self-esteem isn't as high as I thought. I used to place such high importance on the idea of being free to be whoever you want to be regardless of other people's judgement, but when I stop and think about it, I let other people's judgement get to me anyway - especially in the music side of things where it is just so competitive. When I arrived in sixth form I did spend quite a while questioning my self-esteem and being paranoid about things like other people's view of me, and how I acted around them, and how I came off to everyone else, and found myself debating whether I was a nice, likeable person or just this weird girl. I'm sort of out of that phase now, but I think that my old demons about my performance skills still flare up whenever I have to perform. PS I LOVE your idea of imagining the audience is naked! :roflmao: I'm seriously going to try that in my performance exam on Thursday!
For what it's worth, I believe public speaking/performance is pretty consistently something like the #1 or #2 biggest fear among people surveyed, so you're far from alone.
Those Dr. Brown videos were really good, by the way, really engaging and interesting. ---------- Post added 10th May 2011 at 02:54 AM ---------- (Sorry for double post) On another note, are there any short-term methods that might help me get through Thursday's exam?
I've never had a major problem with performance. Since I'm a pianist, I have a sneaking suspicion that this is due to my not having to actually look at the audience while I play. That, and a massive, 9-foot long black behemoth gives a considerably greater feeling of power than does a 14-ish inch long slab of wood. When I do have a bit of stage fright, I use a trick I learned about the late great pianist Arthur Rubinstein. Find one person in the audience. It can be someone you know, but he said/I find that it works better if it is a complete stranger whom you've never met before and whom you've just picked at random. It could be an old man, a young girl, whatever. Pick this person, and in your mind, remove everyone but them from the concert hall. Make the performance just for them. From beginning to end, think about no one but them when you consider your audience. I have no idea why, but this helps me quite a lot when I get stage fright. It's sort of an extension of Lex's idea; it's just for performance rather than practice. Best of luck! EDIT: With regard to your exam on Thursday: if you're playing for a small audience, such as just a handful of/a single judge, try the same thing I mentioned above, but instead of a person, find a random object in the room and fixate similarly on it. Anthropomorphise it, and imagine that it is your best friend. I don't suggest doing this with a clock, though, as it could potentially throw off your tempi.
