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how can you tell if someone you like is gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lakid594, May 9, 2011.

  1. lakid594

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    So I have a friend that i've known since around 7th grade (we're juniors in high school now). We've been more like acquaintances until the beginning of this school year when we started hanging out more & got closer.

    Over the past 4 months, I've realized that I'm starting to like him as more than a friend and its been killing me because I have no clue about where to even start. He doesn't know I'm gay, and I'm totally unsure of his sexuality.

    He has had one girlfriend in all of high school (and has only claimed to like the girl in situations where it was all guys talking about girls they like), but it was really short lived (like 2 weeks), always really awkward between them, and afterwards the girl involved said that there wasn't any chemistry at all.

    basically, he's a really nice person, but there isn't much concrete evidence to suggest he is gay, straight, or bi (or i just have a terrible gaydar). any suggestions about how to go about finding this out? i've thought about telling him im gay to see his reaction but i haven't had the courage to do that so far.

    tl;dr, how can you tell if someone is gay?
     
  2. Neoh

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    This.

    I've been in a similar situation (most of us have) and I did exactly that. I told him I was gay. I did not tell him I liked him, just that I was gay. He was cool with it, but nothing came from it. We're still great friends though, and over time I got over the crush.

    It definitely takes courage. I didn't tell me friend for months, but as the feelings started to grow I knew what I had to do. I figured if I told him I was gay, and he happened to be gay too, that he would tell me the same. Of course, that didn't happen, but it could have turned out much worse.

    I wish ya luck (*hug*) I'm sure everything will turn out great!
     
  3. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    The next logical step would be to tell him you are gay if/when you are comfortable doing so. It would be unwise to wait for him, odds are he isn't going to come out any time soon. He might, but generally, odds are low.

    I hope things turn out well
     
  4. Gleeko0

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    What a situation....


    and i guess i will be in the same situation soon >->.


    Sincerely, Good luck!
     
  5. Chierro

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    For awhile i was convinced by best friend was either gay or bi. Yeah, he dated a lot of girls and flirted a lot but he would always touch me or rub up against me. After awhile I came out as bi and he said he was cool with it. The next day at school he said he had something to tell me later and he came out as bi. But both of our crushes show no signs of being gay or bi. My fews are if they touch or feel up other guys a lot, then that might be a sign that they're gay or atleast bi
     
  6. Ridiculous

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    As others have said, the only way you can really know is if they say they are gay.

    Of course you can observe them and analyse what they do, because usually we do have certain mannerisms and 'stereotypes' we adhere to. But the problem is that many straight people also have these mannerisms, and many gay/bi people do things associated with being straight, so it's obviously not very useful.

    I also suggest telling him you are gay. It's the perfect opening for someone else to come out to you! And even if he isn't gay, having him know you are will make your friendship much more natural than hiding it.
     
  7. SMiNKLe

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    You could ask him, bring up some topics about sexuality and have a discussion about it, or you could mention you are gay or supportive of gays and see what happens from there.
     
  8. Lolguy

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    Yeah, I would just tell him that you're gay (when you're ready, of course). Then see if anything happens after that. I wouldn't go much further than that either. If he isn't gay, it's gonna be really awkward if you're subtly hitting on him.
     
  9. bryan176

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    Either start conversations about sexuality or tell him you are gay. Is the best course of action, A little bit of a warning some people hate gay people and you loss your friendship cause of it. It happened to a friend of mine when he told his Best friend he was gay. I am pretty sure he is a great guy though and will accept who you are.