Just broke up with boyfriend...

I have to be honest, you seem to be a little too needy here. But did you actually sit down with him and talk about this before making a decision? Maybe he doesn't like texting very much. As for giving more attention to other friends, how long have you known him? Guys tend to do this when they don't know their boyfriends very well and they feel more comfortable around their friends. Did you give yourself time to form an actual friendship before jumping into the dating game? Not trying to be mean if I come off that way, I'm just trying to get a little more detail and understanding.

 

yeah...you didn't say for how long he has been with out :/

 

Since Chip said pretty much everything that needed to be said (and very eloquently too, I might add), I would just like reiterate a couple of things:

- Austin, you do not sound particularly needy. You had every right to expect that your boyfriend would make a genuine effort to spend time with you, especially at the infancy of your relationship.

- Judging from what you've written, it seems clear that you made the right choice. Your ex-boyfriend (and I do hope he remains an ex) was either unable or unwilling to really connect with you. Don't second-guess yourself.

 

For the record, my opinion hasn't changed.

Personally, I would hold off on the meticulous dissection and self-examination of the relationship and yourself until you are in a better state of mind (not sad and lonely), but since you probably can't help it, I will offer some thoughts.

It seems to me that the problems were perhaps partly caused not so much by what you did, but, rather, by how you approached some things, which set yourself up to be disappointed.

You wrote, for example, that you sat on the computer waiting for your ex to chat with you at times when you weren't busy. For future reference, it might be a good idea to only get on the computer when you have a specific purpose in mind (looking things up for school, reading the news, watching videos on YouTube, etc.) so that if your boyfriend does end up chatting with you, then that becomes a plus. If he doesn't, then you won't resent his silence because you still will have done what you needed/wanted to do on the computer and you wouldn't have wasted your time waiting for him.

The same applies to the texting situation. If you are sitting there with nothing to do, waiting next to the phone for your boyfriend to respond, of course a three-minute wait between texts is going to feel like an eternity. So you might only want to text when you are actively engaged in another activity so that, again, you won't feel rejected when you have to wait a bit for him to reply or when said response isn't as articulate as you would have wanted.

Finally, I would just like to ask you to not be so harsh on yourself. It is admirable that you want to improve yourself, but realize that right now is probably not the best time to even decide what changes, if any, should be made.

Hope that helps put things in perspective, even if only a little.

 

One thing I also think is you went with what you needed to do. What people don't remember about relationships is that for them to work you have to accept the little things not just the big. If the case is you couldn't handle him taking time to respond and such, then it was right for you to break up with him. It could also be that you're 18 and young and still experiencing life, but I think you did the right thing.

 

I really think you made the right decision, in fact I'm glad you didn't wait longer, for your own good. I know you feel sad and lonely now, but trust yourself that you made the right decision.

3.5 months is quite a long time. I've made the mistake in waiting too long, and then I got dumped even though I was planning on dumping him. I was pissed off at the time.

 

Wow, guys looking for same-sex relationships are assholes too? damn...i barely started to enjoy my "other side" and i am already scared out by what other guys might do and screw up with my heart >->...Good Jesus.

well...I'm not experienced with anything...i don't know how i can help, i can do nothing but expect the better, and i'm glad Austin is feeling better, i have to say you, guys from EC staff (and the supportive members) are truly amazing, i can't stop following and learning how you deal with everything..

 

You did the right thing breaking up with this guy. He wasn't being a good boyfriend and I am glad that you care about yourself enough to break it off with someone who doesn't treat you well. Alot of people don't have enough self esteem to break up with people who treat them poorly, but I am glad that you do. It might not be right away, but you will find someone who cares about you as much as you care about them and then you won't even remember this guy. I know it sucks now, but you will make it through. Take care(*hug*).

 

I just got out of a relationship that sounds exactly the same as yours was. It started off great the first few weeks but then things just started to fall apart it seems. I was always the one that went to see him, he only came to see me once. He always took forever to text back, and when I would ask him if he was busy he would say not that he wasn't doing anything. Had to supress the urge to ask why it was taking him so long then. I haven't ended it really, but as far as I'm concerned its over. We haven't spoken in over a week. I found out he was talking to my abusive ex behind my back... and it was more than just friendly conversation. There were quite a few other guys too, but I didn't count how many.. Three that I know of for sure. Not saying your guy was cheating, but mine was acting the same way yours was. He just seemed to get really distant. He would sound excited and say he was ready to see me when I went to see him but when I got there he would just sit on the computer for a while and wouldn't say much to me, maybe a few sentences every few minutes. I would just sit on the couch and wait for him.

Moral to the story: Some guys seem like your ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, but they end up really being the clouds that are holding the sun back... :\ (If that made sense)

 

Damn, that sucks! Sorry that it happened to you, seriously.

I realize it's been said before, and now it's certainly redundant, but you definitely did the right thing. When you feel that you're needing to fake a relationship in order to get to the breakup, it's generally not good to keep that facade up.

Again, I'm sorry you had to go through that. (*hug*)

 

Yeah mine was cheating on me too.. Confronting him probably won't do anything, I said something to my guy and he was like '..what are you getting at?'

He still denies it.

 

(*hug*)