Hi everyone, this is my first post here so forgive me if this has come up dozens of times already, (I dug through the forum, but there’re like 400 pages so I didn’t make it through all of them) but I was curious how people deal with anger because I sort of feel like I’m becoming prematurely bitter. Between what I read on the news and watching my (straight) friends getting married and starting families, it seems like the only thing I feel on a consistent basis anymore is anger. I’m not an angry person by nature, and I feel guilty for being anything but happy for my friends, but no matter what I do it seems like that anger is always there, and it’s kinda draining. I’ve tried to be politically active and deal with things in a constructive manner, but I live in a relatively small area. We have a pride center, but aside from a big yearly event they don’t really do much, so trying to get involved with them usually just leads to more frustration than anything else. It also makes it hard to meet people, which doesn’t help either. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been out of the closet since the 9th grade (which was in the mid-90s) and things have gotten light years better. But at the end of the day, I find myself wondering that if all I’ve got left in me is feeling bitter, then what’s the point? Any advice anyone had would be much appreciated, or if this has come up already if someone could point me to the thread that’d also be a big help.
(*hug*)It sounds like you're deppressed , it also sounds like the area you live in is dull. Have you ever considered moving to a more populated area? Like a fresh new start? Perhaps you will meet your future husband there, I'm not sure if this post was much help but I hope it helps you come up for a solution to your problem.
I understand your anger, and it seems like it's being bottled up without a way to get out. It's sometimes hard to deal with things like that (friends getting married while you know you can't, or in my case dating and such or relatives getting married), and you know you're supposed to be happy for them, but it's hard to be because you can't have that yourself when you know you should. I agree with Vampirekid, have you considered moving away? It might be a good idea for you if there's nothing to offer in your current area. As for the anger itself, maybe it would go away if you had a sort of distraction? Do you have a partner you could express your feelings to? If you could somehow meet someone, then they themselves could provide a sort of distraction. The feelings for this person could override those of the anger. Or if you even just thought about someone close to you who you already know, surely you would realize you feel more than anger towards them. Spend some time with people, blow off some steam. If you don't want to move away or that isn't an option, take a vacation to just get away and relax. Have some fun, and the anger will have a chance to release itself.
Anger boils down to accpetance, and acceptance is a choice. Don't bother working on removing or preventing the things that make you angry, because they're just going to come back. Instead, figure out why you're angry and what parts of your persona make you resistant to accepting these elements of life. It sounds like you're stuck in a bit of a self-destructive circle. Things aren't going to get better until you either change the course of the circle, or remove yourself from it. Decide whether you want to change yourself, or your environment. Yourself is generally the better solution.
Anger is a natural type of emotion. Don't by any means repress it but give it a productive/positive outlet. Work it out, Talk it out, or like you were doing...be political about it. You mentioned that failed but is there anyway you could go to a neighboring town or city and see what they can offer? I can't really think of much to say other than there are some places you can get your hair done well and other places where you can't. Have you thought about moving or at least taking a vacation to a gay escape?
BINGO! This is exactly what I was going to write! If you're angry or upset, it's because something isn't going the way YOU wanted it to go. You've set expectations that aren't in line with what's actually happening around you. And the fact of the matter is, no matter how high you set your expectations, it isn't going to change the world around you. Instead, YOU need to reset your expectations. Why would you be angry at the fact that your friends are getting married? Is it because you think YOU should be married too? I'd suggest you need to work on being OK with not being married, and the anger will go away. I've been in recovery for addiction for 4 years, and we hammer away at the serenity prayer: You're angry, which in my mind is opposite to having serenity. Put that prayer into practice, and you'll be amazed at how much better you feel.
Thanks for the feedback! I actually did just move from an even smaller area to where I am now. Any farther would involve out of state, but I've got a good job and don't want to move away from my friends and family. Gumtree, you pretty much nailed it because I do feel like I've been going in circles, I just don't know how to change course. In regards to the marriage thing, it's not that I feel like I need to be married, it's the thought that even if I wanted to I legally couldn't, and my fellow LGBT friends who DO want to be married can't be. It's that sort of systemic stuff I have a hard time with because it feels like there's nothing I can do about it other than be patient, which is super frustrating. I guess I just thought by this point things would be more different than they are.
Fair enough. But even with the marriage thing, there are things you can do. While it might not be recognized in your state (yet) you certainly could get married in another state where it is recognized. Or come up to Canada! The whole country recognizes same sex marriages. It is frustrating, but dwelling on it doesn't make you feel any better, nor does it change anything. Accept that (for the time being) you can't get married where you currently live. Accept it because it's a fact, and you can't change it. (Again - at least not in the short term.) Just that mental shift will make a world of difference. Try it.
