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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 11th May 2011, 04:55 PM   #1
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Default Outed by my friend...

Dont you just hate rumors? The other night while bowling a guy whos not rwally my friend saw some texts to a girl i cam out too. I didnt say much...thank god. He apparently came to conclusions and on tuesday he (according to abbie) said i was bi...the truth. I'm out to abbie too.
She told me that this guy told her that the original girl showed the texts to everyone bowling. I confronted him and he denied it. That same day the original girl outed me to my guidance counselor. God, embarrasing much? She said she was worried. Now, like a smart person i played it cool then later confronted the people that apparently found out. All said they had no idea what i was talking about. So abbie lied...and really I'm pissed off. Another meeting with my guidance counselor tomorroe....fun...
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Old 11th May 2011, 05:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

you can make one of two decisions here, to be positive or to be negative. You unlike most have the opportunity to make the decision to come out all at once or to stay in hiding. However unlike most you are also facing a threat to you integrity. If you deny the rumors, which will continue to circulate, you are essentially lying to yourself, and everyone around you. It will become more and more difficult to live with that guilt my friend.

My opinions on the matter with the boy that outed you are that he himself is insecure, and fearful of himself. You will find often in society that when people have to pick on others it is because of a deep rooted fear of themselves. Especially in High School you will find that many of the people who pick on the gay kids, will turn out gay themselves. Understand that what he did was not nice, it was not fair, and it was not good. Also try and forgive him, he is dealing with his own guilt and shame. Holding on to a grudge with him is only going to result negatively for you.
As for your friend, there are a few possibilities. She may have been truly concerned for you, and gone to her counselor to try and provide what advice and help she can, or she is not understanding how the situation, and doesn't know how to cope yet. Whatever the matter is, you need to talk to her. There is no way to find clarity if you do not seek it.

Remember dear, you will always catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Stay sweet and people will love you regardless of your sexuality.

I hope this will help you, and if you need please dont hesitate to send me a message on my profile. I would be glad to talk with you, and help you in what ways I can.
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Old 11th May 2011, 06:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

I know she cared. I talked to our mutual friend Nick and he helped explain it to me. She went down cause she was worried. I talked to the guy and he has no idea. So there's a backstabbinf friend in this mix
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Old 11th May 2011, 09:20 PM   #4
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Learn to forgive them. It is High School, and though this seems as if it is the end of the world, it will pass over soon, and something more exciting will come along. I also dont know how much i believe what this guy has said, but if you feel like one of your friends has "outed" you to be spiteful then they are not your friend anyways. If someone loves you dear, they will love you regardless if you are what they define as "imperfect". You are perfect the way you are, and you should be kind to yourself, and others, even when they are not always so kind.
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Old 11th May 2011, 09:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

I'm sorry that happened but what's done is done. Someone you trusted lied to you, and I know that it hurts. The only thing left to do is to handle the situation calmly, being the bigger person.
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Old 15th May 2011, 05:51 PM   #6
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

I was outed in high school before I was ready and I just had to smile and own it. I didn't want to go back in the closet and come out again later, and lying about it would make it harder to come out again if I said I wasn't gay, so I just confirmed if people asked and didn't expect everyone to like me. I had to really hold my head up high and let people know that I was happy with who I was so they wouldn't have "permission" to make me feel bad about it, in a sense. If you are confident or can at least fake confidence and be convincing, people won't bother you about it too much.. If someone makes comments you can get tell them piss off or laugh along if they're not too bad, but stick up for yourself no matter what happens. High school is like putting all species of wild animals in a cage together, if someone spots a person who is "weaker" then people will gang up on them and try to use them for selfish reasons like building up their own self esteem. Stay proud and close to your TRUE friends (keep learning which ones are your true friends as you go on in life)
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Old 15th May 2011, 08:23 PM   #7
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Yes be strong, but from my experiences conflict only causes more conflict. Do not be confrontational. If someone is making fun of you, do not feed the fire. When you react, you are only giving them what they want. Being strong, and being confrontational are two different things. One can stand up for themselves, by simply having to courage to dis engage. Yes high school is difficult, but by promoting conflict you are only going to make things more difficult.
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Old 15th May 2011, 08:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

I don't have much to say because these nice guys here said everything.

Yeah man, high school is difficult, finding open-minded people that will understand how you are and respect who you are is hard. But not impossible...

Allthought the great part is childish and will eventually cause trouble, this is why i haven't came out yet. But if it happens i will firmly keep my head up and confront anyone that tries to make my daily life a hell. And if anyone asks "are you really bi?" I will tell the truth.


This is part "what i would do" and "what i think that would be better", so thats my advice.

Good luck, and don't feel shame of being who you are
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Old 16th May 2011, 06:12 AM   #9
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Eventually everyone will know, one way or other. We sometimes prefer to tell someone ourselves, sometimes it's better if they find out another way. Sometimes it won't be just as you want it. I think most people coming out will find it's not quite at the pace they'd like, either too fast or too slow.

At a certain point, you just have to shrug your shoulders when this happens. Don't let it get you down. Keep an eye on the point somewhere it the future where you and your friends and others you know will be completely blasé about your sexuality.
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Old 16th May 2011, 08:58 AM   #10
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Holmes Did you ever think he may not of been ready to come out, he has to be ready.

Biocuriousboy just give it time and it may blow over.
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Old 16th May 2011, 04:08 PM   #11
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Thank you, Bryan. Haha. I'm not entirely ready to come out. I have with about four good friends. Theyve all accepted me. Hell, my best friend is bi. Maybe gaydar was at work haha. I'm gonna come out when I'm ready not when people wanna know. What people want to know and if i willing to tell are two completely different things.
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Old 17th May 2011, 01:34 PM   #12
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bryan176 View Post
Holmes Did you ever think he may not of been ready to come out, he has to be ready.

Biocuriousboy just give it time and it may blow over.
I wasn't trying to be insensitive, and I hope I didn't come across that way. But sometimes I do think it better to live with the way things are going, as others can't appreciate what a big deal it is for us, rather than agonize about others.
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Old 17th May 2011, 05:57 PM   #13
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Default Re: Outed by my friend...

Not much to add, but I should emphasize... Don't be confrontational. If you're ready to come out, KICK THAT DOOR DOWN!
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