Hey everyone, I need a bit of advice. n_n; Where to start. Well, this year, I met this guy. He's the type of guy that is pretty obviously gay, but still in the closet to the majority. (Not to be judgmental, as it has been confirmed that he is.) You know how when you just aren't interested in the person, but they keep pursuing you in really, really strange ways? I am in that little problem. He's the type of guy that talks about you, practically all the time. 24/7. And it's not necessarily good things either. From what I can tell and hear, he's obsessed with me. Completely obsessed. Practically all of our mutual friends and acquaintances have come up to me to tell me that he is as well. And it's the way he is, it annoys me completely. (Habits, way of speech, manners, ext...) To make matters worse, I can catch him staring at me across the classroom when I turn my head. It's just really, really creepy. DX Lately, he's been trying to contact some of my closer friends, via AIM, Messengers, ext... and trying to get more and more information about me. He's rather paranoid, and believes that I don't like him (Which is true), asking everyone if it is so. I myself try to be civil as I can, avoiding contact as much as possible, making myself seem less attractive in front of him. But lately, it's been getting me really angry. It's just a really big pet peeve of mine to be talked about, behind my back. And then have the people come up to you, and then spilling everything he's been saying. D: And then the even more intolerable part is that he is quite rude to my closer friends that he happens to catch me hanging out with. I think it may be jealousy, but I am unsure. The other day, in our class, I was simply hanging out with one of my girl friends as I usually do. He comes up, trying to ignore that I am there, saying things really bluntly like "You wear too much makeup" and even calling her a "Druggy girl" in a photo that she was showing me. Although she herself doesn't care, it makes me even more annoyed and angry. I've tried confronting him, but he just tries to change the subject, and I feel that he may just lie to my face, and then continue to talk crap to a bunch of other people. I just don't know what to do. I've thought about screaming him off, but that would be a tad insensitive, haha. Anyone have some advice? :bang:
If you've already confronted him and he's not taking the hint, i think you'd be better just to get ur friends to tell him that ur not interested, or u could say ur not interested in any1 @ the moment and don't want 2 be for awhile. Just make sure he knows that there is no chance whatsoever or he'll keep trying.
I see that this situation, if it isn't already, is getting out of hand fast. I know what I am going to say will be hard to do and is probably against your character and education but sometimes you just need to be blunt... not to use the word rude. You could tell him that many of your friends have told you that he talks about you behind your back and that you don't like it and that you don't particularly appreciate him either (without of course going into detail) and that you would prefer that he keep his distance and his thoughts to himself. You might even have to go as far as to say clearly 'I don't like you, please go away and leave me alone'. Not very nice but it should be effective. :icon_sad: If he rudely butts into a conversation when you are with a friend, look him in the eye and say 'excuse me, this is a private conversation'. If he makes rude comments to your friends again look him in the eye and say 'that's extremely rude/hurtfull/unecessary, etc.' So that he can clearly see that you don't appreciate his behaviour. He can't lie boldly to your face if you have 3 or 4 different friends who have all told you the same things. What on earth would be thier interest in saying such things to you? This is an argument you can use if he does lie to you. Confront him with his lie and ask him why he feels the need to lie to you. 'Why' questions are very unsettling especially if the asker has an expectant look on their face waiting for an answer, then turns it back on the person when it is a flagrant lie. Question....Why did/do you.... Answer... flagrant lie Question.... That's not true because..... Why did you lie? Good luck
Well I can understand your desire to scream at him but however momentarily satisfying that might be, it won't necessarily help him get the hint, because it'll be giving him a heap of attention, however totally negative it might be. I think your best bet would be to not be civil to him but to just strictly ignore him except maybe to tell him, quite bluntly, to fuck off if he's insulting your friends in front of you. And make sure you tell your friends you want to hear NOTHING about what he's said about you, because that gossip underground is probably just fueling his obsessiveness as well as your anger. Your friends need to understand that they are simply assisting in your distress by continuing this practice. In short, carve him out of your life completely when possible and be like ice to him when you absolutely have to interact. Because if he's been that much of an asshole, you owe him nothing. You cannot reason with these types of people, and you cannot coddle them. All you can do is present them with the truth in the most blunt manner possible. And it sucks but you need to find some way to let go of your concern over what he's saying behind your back. Because if he knows it upsets you, then he knows he has some shred of control over your life, and he will keep doing it. In a lot of ways, it's like dealing with a bully--you can try as much as possible to be nice and respectful but chances are the only thing he will understand is the very unvarnished truth of being confronted. Best of luck... hopefully he's get the point lickety-split.
